The familiar; “Ding! Orders up.” Caroline walks over to Oleg’s pickup window behind the dining counter. “Tables: ten, twelve, tables: Sixty Niinnne!” This had confused Caroline. “Oleg, there is no table sixty nine.” “There could be” he smiled as he replied . Disgusted by his rude comments, Caroline walked her plates through the dining room with Max towards their tables. Oleg’s comment had made Caroline forget who got which plate. Max told her a clever way to remember. Just give them funny nicknames. Such as “Thin Cee Lo, Fat Riahanna, Jean Baret Ramsey and Kristen Bad-Wigg” Caroline laughed and with her own nicknames was able to remember her customers. “Seth Ro-Gane, Child Molester Mustach and Lesbian Justin Bieber.” “Ding! Order up…Table 6” Oleg begins to walk away when he quickly turns back and yells “tee-nine!”
Max walks up to a couple making out in one of her booths and asks “Ok, can I get you anything else? Coffee? Dessert? Morning After pill? Ooook.” Max continues walking and begins talking to Earl. He comments on the couple. “Getting it on in a restaurant. I once made love to a young Angela Lansbury in a booth just like that…Murder she wrote? More like harder she begged.” “Earl why can’t everybody be you?” Just as Max had replied Johnny walks in the front door and starts to follow Max to her counter. He wants his “Usual” plus 2 of Max’s “day olds” discounted cupcakes. Han from across the diner calls to him and runs over to give him a high five. Han leaps as high as he can and slaps Johnny’s hand. Han continues to walk towards Max’s counter. To tell her that her “boyfriend” was there. She tells Han that he isn’t her boyfriend. He was just another “guy who likes my cupcakes…Cause who doesn’t?” He then accuses Max of being in love with Johnny. She denies it. Then she gives Johnny his cupcakes “on the house” as she continues to deny their obvious attraction.
At their apartment Caroline needs to find a job online until the cupcake business takes off. She begins to look through Craigslist ads. Suddenly there is a knock at the girl’s back door. It’s Johnny; Smiling and waving. “Oh thank god.” Caroline says. “I thought it was a rapist.” Max just looks at her. She then replies “If it were a rapist; they wouldn’t knock and stand there waving, and we wouldn’t call them rapist’s. We’d call them, JOHNNY!” As she opens the door for him. He says hello and asks to use their bathroom. He passes Caroline and looks to see what she Is looking up. She tells him she is looking up jobs that don’t force her to get “Handcuffed to a radiator.” He replies; “On craiglist?” Laughs and goes to the bathroom. Caroline tells Max to pull her hair back it’s in was in her face. Max tells Caroline to “back up.” She was “kinda in her face.” Johnny comes out of the bathroom and asks Max to help him the next night. Max agrees. After he leaves Caroline makes fun of Max telling her that Johnny likes her…”likes her with his p***s”
Walking down the hallway in an unfamiliar building the girls stop. Max turns to Caroline and tells her that she is glad to see she made it and was safe. She then turned to leave. Caroline stops Max and tells her not to leave yet, she had been the one who made her nervous. Max had told Caroline that an unknown person from craigslist could cut off her face. Max laughed and calmed Caroline down. They agreed that the building was not so bad and they even had fancy trash chutes. Max joked that they were perfect for getting rid of flesh and Caroline told her she wouldn’t be able to call. Especially if she didn’t have a face. Max leaves and Caroline knocks on the door. It creeks open and she yells her own name into the apartment. There is no immediate answer amongst the stacks of newspapers and piles of unused items everywhere. “Oh hell no…Hell NO! Max come back here! Maaaaaxxxx!!” Caroline screamed as she ran back through the door and out.
Both Max and Caroline come running around the hallway corner again. Max smiling yelling back at Caroline telling how her how excited she is. Caroline feels bad. “Its like bad reality TV” Max comes right back at Caroline telling her it’s GREAT Tv. They walk in and Max is ecstatic. ”WOW.” They should charge admission for this place.” She then calls it Hoarders 3D: the experience, in Imax “MyMax!” she exclaims as she goes to take a step and falls. Caroline helps her up. “What is that pile over there?” Maxs thinks it’s either “An old shag carpet, or a mass grave of dead muppets.” Caroline wants to get out of there. Max asks “We still have our faces, why would we leave?” Max also notices the “Heavy clown presence in the room.” She wants “both more and less of the clowns” All of the sudden a voice calls to them. “Hey, I’m over here.” Caroline can’t find him, he is behind piles of old news papers. “I’m over here, near the papers.” Caroline looks around and sees many piles of old new papers. “Which papers” she asks. “The papers near the papers” he says. She tells him they have to renegotiate their arranged price. There was a lot more to “Organize” then she had been led to believe. They agree to the price of $100 a day for both her and Max plus they would get to keep a horse head made out of cans. They begin to clean the man’s apartment. They begin with smaller items. As Caroline pulls her first piece of trash out of the pile in front of her; it falls on top of her knocking her down and covering her in bags of crap. Max snaps a photo with a polaroid she picked up from beside her. She waves the picture in her hand to dry it and says; “Happy birthday to, me.”
Back at the diner they are finishing cleaning up when Max emerges from the bathroom. She looks like she’s dressed to go out. Earl compliments her. Oleg tells her “Tonight, when I am dreaming about sex with you; as always, this time I will ask you to stay.” Han tells her it’s a booty call; “If it’s after 2:30 the call is dirty.” Out on the billboard Johnny and Max take a “beer break” and admire Manhattan. They talk about how beautiful “she is.” As Johnny stares at Max. Max leans in to kiss Johnny but Johnny pulls his mask down and tells her it’s time to get back to work. Max puts her head down, awkwardly embarrassed.
Max and Caroline round the Hoarder’s apartment’s hallway corner again approaching his door. Max is explain to Caroline that she had tried to kiss Johnny but he didn’t kiss her. It was a beautiful perfect moment and he must not want to kiss her if he didn’t then. In the apartment Caroline is making progress getting rid of the stacks of newspapers when Max finds a box of cats. She sits down with a cat and starts petting it. She begins to wonder why he didn’t kiss her. Caroline tells max to kiss him next time. Another voice, a woman’s; comes out of nowhere agreeing with Caroline. “Oh my god!” Max proclaims he’s “Hoarding another hoarder?” The woman’s voices speaks again; “Those are my cats young lady.” Max and Caroline are now walking down the street when they see Johnny walking with another woman. Max walks up to him, puts her arms around him and kisses him. The woman asks “what the hell is going on?” She was his girlfriend. Max thinks for a moment and then puts her arms around the woman and kisses her also. She then introduces herself as Max and tells her that was how she greeted everybody. She then turns to the open apartment door and runs inside.
Back at the diner everybody knows about what happened between Max and Johnny and they all offer their support. Max feeling very bad asks Caroline if she was happy? She had gotten Max to admit she liked him and kiss him. Then she had to kiss his beautiful girlfriend “who is black and British the two cool things” she “could never be.” All of the sudden Johnny comes into the diner to talk to Max. He wants to apologize to her. She tells him that it’s cool. He had never touched her or led her on. She takes her plates over to the couple at her booth that are still making out. She drops the plates and yells at them that their food was there. She also warns the girl to be careful because her friend may have a girlfriend that’s “beautiful, black and British!” Johnny pleads with Max telling her he wanted to kiss her but he didn’t want to be the guy that did it when he was “with” somebody else. “Max, I didn’t know you were gonna come into my life, I didn’t know I was going to have these feelings for you, now it’s all Max all the time in my head.” Max tells Johnny that he should have told her he had a girlfriend. She angrily walks away and Johnny leaves the diner.
Outside of the diner Caroline and Max are walking home. They talk about how they made $240 from cleaning “Douglas’” apartment and how Caroline thought that what Johnny said to Max was beautiful. Max had made some money and all she had to lose was her mind. Caroline looks up at a billboard with a picture of a man and a woman kissing. The man looks like Johnny and the woman resembles Max. All that mattered to them was that it didn’t look like Johnny’s girlfriend. So Max had a chance. Total money for cupcake business saved up: 623.25. Share this article with your friends