Max walks up to Earl, he’s much better dressed than usual. “Oooo look pretty sharp today Earl, ya goin somewhere special?” He replies “Max, I’m free, black and 75. Who knows what the night will bring.” Max hands him a $20 and asks him to break it like he just broke her heart. “Pop, Pop!” He puts two $10’s on the counter. Max then walks over to Caroline sitting at a booth counting her tips. They begin to reminisce about Thanksgiving. Max tells Caroline that when she thinks of Thanksgiving she remembers jumping into a pile of leaves and finding a used condom; when Han walks up carrying two cornstalks and some decorations. The stalks are taller than he is so it makes it look as if he is part of the decoration. Caroline tells Max she and her dad would go and feed the homeless before going to their vacation home. Han tells the girls he is staying at the diner overnight to decorate. Max and Caroline suggest to Han that he keep the diner open and feed the homeless. He tells them it is expensive and that he can’t afford it. Oleg then steps in, having money from selling cheap cigarettes and offers to buy turkeys. Earl offers pies and the girls offer to work for free.
At home Max and Caroline talk about how much the holidays are going to bring Caroline down. Caroline tells Max she can handle it. She also asks Max to teach her how to bake. Max tells her she first has to “go and get baked.” “My holiday spirit is bigger than my money, so c’mon teach me how to bake; we only have a couple of weeks.” Caroline pleads with Max. Max says “ok;” and tells her to pour a cup of milk into the bowl. “When I was little I used to make my Father cakes in my Easy Bake Oven.” “My Easy Bake Oven was repossessed.” Max replied she then asks how Caroline is doing. Her father being in prison could make it hard for her. Caroline seems like she’s in good spirits and tells Max since it was a holiday they were going to allow her to see him. Max tells her that her good spirits will probably go away when they give her a full cavity search. Caroline loves the idea, reminding Max she hasn’t had a full cavity search in a while. Max laughs and says to her “Ok! pour that milk, slut.” She pours the milk into the mixer and gets excited. “Ok how, was that?” Max cuts her off and says “Nu-uh, were not playing; Rich girl gets a trophy whenever she does something normal.” She then tells her to cover the mixing bowl with a towel and turn it on. Caroline tries to turn it on with no success. She flings the towel over her shoulder and leans over to plug it in. Max seeing the towel is not on top tries to stop Caroline, but it is too late. She plugs it in and the cupcake batter flies up and saturates Max. Caroline panics and pulls the cord out of the wall, she pulls the mixing bowl off the counter with it, breaking it and flinging batter all over the floor. Max standing there covered in batter looks at Caroline and says “Christmas comes but once a year and I think it just did.”
Standing in a department store Caroline is standing there complaining about the prices. They simply cannot afford a new expensive mixer. Max shows her that she can afford a spoon and they could start hand mixing. Caroline sees that the store is hiring for positions in Santa’s village. Caroline figures out that they could get jobs there to help them pay for the mixer. They could also use the employee discount to get it cheaper. “It can be like it’s coming from Ssssssantaaaa!” She then pleads with Max and starts to get very excited. Max tries to haul her spirits down but she is unable. They step into line to place their applications. In the waiting room for applicants Max and Caroline joke about Max’s vibrator. It is Candy cane shaped and Max calls it “Santa’s big helper.” A woman overhears them talking, she interrupts and tells them that “Miracle on 34th St.” was her favorite movie of all time. She must have heard the girls say the word “miracle.” She then informed them that her second favorite is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Caroline say’s “Me too!” and Max tells the girls “I have Schindler’s List, on Blu-ray.” Caroline can only shake her head. “Hi, I’m Mary” she introduces herself. Caroline tells her that Max is a Grinch. “Ohhhh, like my brother Patrick, he’s always teasing me about how much I love Christmas, he calls me…Mary…Christmas! Get it?” She looks at Max “Cause my name Mary!?!”
Still sitting in the waiting room, Mary is still talking to Caroline when her phone rings. Her distinct “Mario Coin” ring; It was her father on the phone.” She tells him she is applying for a job at Santa’s village. She then defends her decision telling him it is not depressing. “He’s in Jail and he thinks its depressing.” Max chimes in. She then asks her dad “Are you sure? It’s not that far? Ok if that’s what you want.” She tells Max he thought about it, and could not face her. Her spirit now dwindling as she stares at the wall across from her. She continues to stare when a woman comes out of a door from the side and tells the people sitting in the waiting room that they are all hired and are to report for work at 3am on Black Friday. Caroline continues to stare at the wall and says “Yay. We’re elves.” Very sarcastically as the women around them begin to stand up and leave. Mary starts clapping and singing. “Great, 3am, You, Me and a definitely virgin Mary.”
At the diner the girls, Han, Earl and Oleg are cleaning up after their turkey dinner for the homeless. They have less than an hour to clean and get to the department store. Oleg asks them why they have to go. They tell him they want to see the people riot for their deals. Caroline turns to Max worried about how they were going to work all day and night. She hands Caroline a “9 hour energy” which she drinks too fast. She begins moving quicker right away. At the department store Caroline’s even worse, ultra-hyper she begins telling Max that somebody had their “period” in the tights they had given her and she was too embarrassed to ask for new ones. She was hoping to get asked to be one of the “moving store carol-ers” Max reminds her that she got her into it and couldn’t bail on her now. The woman in charge then comes to Max and tells her that she has to be Mrs. Claus. Max instantly makes Caroline stay an Elf as she goes with the woman to get changed.
Meanwhile in Santa’s Village, Caroline is adjusting her tights, attempting to pull them out of her crotch when Mary walks up. “Hello” She says. Caroline just looks at her and nods. “I’ve been assigned to the front of the line with you, it’s me…Mary.” She then screams, “Mary Christmas!” Caroline looks at the ceiling and asks for help. Mary points at Caroline and names her “Jingles” cause of all her bells. Caroline tells her to be silent and Max comes out dressed as Mrs. Claus and Caroline freaks out on Max telling her she bailed like her father did the before. Mary steps in to stop Caroline right before she reveals to the children that there is no Santa and all the gifts they had gotten, had been bought for them. Just as she was about to tell them Mary pushed Caroline through the gift wrapped wall of the village, screamed “Mary Christmas” and ran away.
In their apartment Caroline apologizes for ruining the children’s holidays. Max is happy. “All they saw was a crotch-less Elf freaking out, but Mary Christmas will….NEVER RECOVER!” Max also reminds Caroline how awesome life is. She has friends, a father, a home and a job and “A freaking horse.” Caroline pulls out a spoon and tells her Santa wanted her to give her; her gift now for helping Caroline keep her spirits up. Max asks Caroline if she paid for it, Caroline says “No, Santa gave it to me.” “Wow, keep this up and you won’t have to go to prison to see your father,” because she’ll already be there. The girls current total is $623.25 for their cupcake business. Share this article with your friends