Toofer: Surely, our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or like a big coffee dispenser.
Toofer: (annoyed) That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?
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Liz: Where's Gary?
(Jack kicks down the door and enters)
Jack: Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy, new VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. So why are you dressed like we do?
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(Jack's assistant shows him a series of phone messages)
Jack: Uh, I'll call her back. Is she at the White House line? Great. (next message) Tell them I need a 4 a.m. tee-off time. (last message) Uh, five inches, but it's thick.
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Jack: Are you familiar with the GE Trivection Oven?
Liz: I don't cook very much.
Jack: Sure, I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says "healthy body image" on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for...a week.
Pete: That is dead on!
Liz: What, are you gonna guess my weight now?
Jack: You don't want me to do that.
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Jack: With three kinds of heat, you can cook a turkey in twenty-two minutes.
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Jack: I'm the new Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming.
Liz: That sounds like you program microwave ovens.
Jack: I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.
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Jack: (about Liz's meeting with Tracy) Alfredo, 2 p.m.?
Liz: I'm not dressed for that.
Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?
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(Liz is wearing a pink suit used in one of the show's sketches)
Jack: That's how you should dress for work, by the way.
Liz: Yeah, if I was president of the Philippines.
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Tracy: I'll have an apple juice.
Waiter: Oh, we don't have apple juice, sir.
Tracy: Then I'll take a vodka and tonic.
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Waiter: (to Tracy) I do recommend the pumpkin ravioli. They're very subtle.
Liz: So, Tracy, this Jack Donaghy guy wanted me to talk to you about joining the cast of our show, and I don't know how you feel about that–
Tracy: Let me ask you a question, everybody at this table. Did he just say the word "pumpkin" to me?
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Liz: So, Tracy, we should talk about the show.
Tracy: Now, I ain't doin' it unless I can get to do it my way, you know? I want it to be raw, HBO-style content.
Liz: Well, it's not HBO. It's TV.
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Tracy: You know how pissed off I was when Us Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack. I'm straight-up mentally ill!
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Tracy: (to Liz) Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
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Liz: (giving money to a stripper) This is for computer classes.
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Liz: Yeah, well, I'm not a sex worker, Tracy. I don't have sex for a living.
Stripper: Neither do we!
Tracy: Neither do they! (whispers to Liz) Yes, they do!
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Jack: I think this is your opportunity to go out there and prove everybody wrong.
Jenna: What? What do you mean? Who's "everybody"?
Jack: The network that wanted to fire you, the focus groups that said you had a weird eye.
Jenna: You mean this eye? OK, this eye, it doesn't open all the way because when I was little, my sister peed in it.
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Jack: I thought you were gonna quit.
Liz: Yeah, well, you don't know everything about me.
Jack: You weigh 127 pounds. (gives her another look) Yeah.
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Finland)
United Kingdom