Frank: Liz, nobody's gonna believe that a killer robot can get his ass kicked by one bear. It doesn't make any sense.
Liz: You're trying to bring logic to the "Robot-Bear" sketch?
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Jack: Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
Liz: No.
Jack: It is the laying on of hands in order to improve one's life.
Liz: How does your life improve? Do the hands have money in them?
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Liz: I have bigger things to worry about than my personal life.
Jack: I would think that a single woman's biggest worry would be choking to death alone in her apartment.
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Liz: Oh, you're not gonna come to our crappy poker game, are you?
Jack: No, I'm not
Liz: Good.
Jack: I bluffed. Yes, I am coming.
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Tracy: Poker night? I love poker! I used to play all kinds of poker with my aunts, Crazy Seven, Albuquerque Freak-Out, One-Card Stud.
Josh: Yeah, I don't think those are real games.
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Liz: What do guys like?
Frank: Uh...porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you were gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.
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Jack: (to Liz) I want you to go out on your lunch hour and find something. At a women's clothing store.
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Jack: When Frank is bluffing, he asks a series of inane questions to hide his nervousness.
Frank: Oh, really? Is that what you think? Is that what I do? Am I doing that right now? Yeah, I'm out.
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Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I am straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
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Jack: (referring to Gretchen) She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh.
Liz: Really, she said that?
Jack: Yes, I made her repeat it. I was sure she meant Jason Lee.
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Liz: I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
Pete: I know. Weird thing is...I had money left.
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Tracy: Damn, Jack, you went all out! That's a giant shrimp.
Jack: ...made out of shrimp and diving into a bowl of shrimp.
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(Pete and Liz discuss Liz's various ex-boyfriends)
Pete: There was the tall, gangly, red-haired guy who played guitar all the time.
Liz: Conan.
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(Kenneth has just raised Jack's bet at the poker table)
Jack: Growin' up in your mama's tractor house, dreamin' of working on a TV show, dreamin' of making it all the way to the N...B...C.
Kenneth: You're scaring me, Mr. Donaghy.
Jack: You've come a long way, haven't you Kenneth Ellen? With your cheap loafers and your page jacket, but you'll always be a pig farmer's son, boy, 'cause I smell fried bologna all over you.
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Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe that life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling, and I got confused about the rules.
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Liz: (about Kenneth) Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years, we'll all either be working for him...or be dead by his hand.
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Gretchen: Oprah?
Liz: Yes, Gayle?
Gretchen: I think we need to take a break.
Liz: Is this because I wanted to submit us for The Amazing Race, because I was 80% joking about that.
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Liz: And even though I am not into the sex stuff, if it helps you, I would let you do stuff to me.
Gretchen: I can't be around you anymore. Bye, Liz.
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