Tracy: I need sixty-thousand dollars, or I'm gonna lose my house.
Jack: Which house?
Tracy: (pauses to think) I need a hundred-thousand dollars, or I'm gonna lose both my houses.
Jack: Tracy, I don't understand. You've starred in fourteen films. You don't have any money saved?
Tracy: No, I lost all of it.
Jack: Really? Who's your money manager?
Grizz: WorldCom, man. WorldCom.
Jack: You must know Arsenio.
Tracy: Hall or Billingham?
Jack: You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?
Jenna: Hey, I gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: (excited) Ah, I know.
(Pete and Liz discuss possible titles of Jenna's movie)
Liz: Could it be Roar Her, Gem Her?
Pete: No, that doesn't make any sense. It's gotta be Oral Germ Whore.
Jenna: (about her film) The source material was amazing. It's hard to go wrong with a Kevin Grisham novel.
Liz: You mean John Grisham.
Jenna: Oh, no, Kevin, John's brother. Did you know that before Kevin was a novelist he worked at a recycling center?
Jenna: Yeah, and he just finished writing the sequel. It's called Urban Fervor.
Tracy: I need to come up with a big idea for a product to put my name on, something no one has thought of, something crazy!
Kenneth: I know a gentleman who had a lot of crazy ideas. He was a carpenter. He wanted everyone to love one another.
Tracy: Oh, you mean Jesus?
Kenneth: No, Miguel, from set design. He's over there. (smiles and waves to Miguel)
Tracy: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart don't I?
Dr. Spaceman: Jack! Tracy! What can I do for you?
Jack: Leo, we have a product we want you to give a medical endorsement to.
Dr. Spaceman: I'll do it! What is it?
Jack: It's called the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine. It's a dual-press grill.
Dr. Spaceman: Say no more. If it's giving people meat, then I'm on board. I've always said humans need more animal blood. It keeps the spine straight.
Dr. Spaceman: You boys need anything while you're here? (pointing to some pill bottles) Some reds? Yellows? Just got some purples in from Peru.
Tracy: No, I'm good.
Jack: Well, it would be rude not to take, uh...one or two. (holds out both his hands)
Josh: I also looked on Liz's computer. Her last two Google searches were for "singles yoga" and "scalp pain."
Frank: That is grim.
Toofer: The Rural Juror?
Josh: Man, that's disappointing. I had to let Tony watch me pee to get that tape.
(Tracy does an infomercial for his Meat Machine)
Tracy: Dr. "Space Man," is it true that bread eats away at your brain?
Dr. Spaceman: We have no way of knowing, because the powerful bread lobby keeps stopping my research.
Tracy: Well, folks, bread will never maybe attack your brain again, because with the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine - say it with me, now - meat is the new bread!
Jenna: (referring to the Paris Hilton sketch) So, do I have to wear the nose tonight?
Liz: Yes, you do.
Jenna: OK, well then I hope you get bird flu and die.
Jenna: Well, let me tell you something. This "slut" slept with your brother.
Liz: (gasps) Mitch?
Jenna: Yeah, and let me tell you something about Mitch. He is disgusting in bed.
Liz: You know he's not right. He was in a really bad skiing accident!
Liz: (about being famous) It was my dream, too, Jenna.
Jenna: Yeah, but you couldn't have been serious about acting for a living. You have brown hair.
Barbara Walters: (to Jenna on The View) Let's get personal. Your father, Werner, was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara.
Jenna: Yes, that's right.
Barbara: When he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta, did that hurt her?
Jenna: It was hard on all of us, yes.
Barbara: Mm, flerg merg. Glerg flerg merg merg merg tennis merg merg, was a merg merg...flerg?
Jenna: I'll always be his little girl. (cries)
Barbara: (comforting Jenna) Glerg. Glerg...