Tracy: Pete, you got two type of women in this world, one who gives you strength and one who takes strength from you like Delilah took strength from Samson...in that movie.
Jenna: Oh, Liz, its always been my dream to meet and marry a prince, like a modern-day Cinderella story.
Liz: Hey, maybe I'm Cinderella this time.
Jenna: No, Liz. Cinderella is blond. You can be Snow White and party with the little people.
(at Gerhardt's party)
Jenna: Oh, hello.
Liz: Hi. How did you get in here?
Jenna: Oh, Liz, if you dress well and enter with confidence, you can get in anywhere.
Liz: You showed the security guy your boobs, didn't you?
Jenna: Just one. It's not the White House.
Jack: (to Liz) That Gerhardt is amazing, isn't he? I mean, most people in his situation would be angry with their family for the centuries of inbreeding, but not Gerhardt. He's too busy trying to stave off infection.
Bianca: (referring to Liz) Congratulations, John. She's much sharper than the last girl you had. What was her name?
(Jenna isn't sure if she wants to be with Gerhardt)
Liz: Wait, you're actually considering this?
Jenna: Of course I'm considering it. You know I've always reminded myself of Grace Kelly.
(Liz tries to talk Jenna out of being with Gerhardt)
Liz: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.
Girl: (to Pete) Your name sounds Jewish. You must be important.
Jack: (about Bianca) Sexually, she wanted it four or five times a day and always standing up.
Liz: (laughs) Standing up, what? How did that even work?
Jack: You're kidding, right?
Jenna: Gerhardt, would you like to dance?
Gerhardt: Sadly, because my body does not produce joint fluid, I cannot.
Pete: Hey, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just- I'm just dancing, Kenneth.
Kenneth: Do you remember the movie Footloose, where those evil kids won in the end? You're going to make a mistake tonight.
Tracy: (excitedly to Pete) You gonna make a mistake tonight!
Jenna: You're twenty-five?
Gerhardt: Yes, can you believe it? Finally old enough to rent a car! (screams) Oh, it feels good to laugh.
Gerhardt: Jenna, I know we have just met, but I think I love you. Do you love me?
Jenna: (reluctantly) Mm...hm.
Gerhardt: Oh! Knowing I have the love of a beautiful woman has set me free! (something falls onto his plate)
Jenna: I think you just lost an eyebrow.
Jack: (to Liz) When Gerhardt was born, the doctor told his mother and cousin he would either live for fifteen minutes or for a hundred years. Boy, he proved them all wrong.
Jack: The look on Bianca's face just before she choked you... (laughing) That was the most satisfying thing.
Liz: It was pretty good.
Jack: Oh, just to know that she's filled with bile over me warms my heart.
Jack: Lemon, I wanna thank you for showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my own age.
Liz: I'm twelve years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age then.
Jack: I had "lunch" with Martha Stewart and "dinner" with her daughter Alexis.