Jack: I wanted to invite you to join me at a charity golf tourney that Don Geiss is hosting at his country club in Old Saybrook.
Tracy: I'm not familiar with about half the words in that sentence.
Jack: How about you come with me to a big party in Connecticut and meet Don Geiss?
Tracy: Is that the gay guy from Project Runway?
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Jack: (about golfing with Geiss) Being in a foursome with this man can change your life.
Liz: You might wanna rephrase that.
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Liz: Hey, Frank, wake up. You're not allowed to sleep through the topical meeting.
Frank: Dude, I'm exhausted! I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. (two women voice their agreement) Yeah, at first I hated it, and then I liked it, and...then I hated it again, and then I got horny, and then I fell asleep.
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Lutz: Hey, what about my "Dancing with the Hobos" sketch?
Liz: I didn't like it two weeks ago when it was called "America's Next Top Hobo," and I didn't like it a month ago when it was called "Hobo Eye for the Straight Guy."
Lutz: "Deal or No Hobo"?
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Kenneth: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock.
Pete: Oh, Kenneth. If you're worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you're too late.
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Jack: Has Don Geiss arrived yet?
Kenneth: Uh, no, sir. But if you'd like, we could work out a signal so I could let you know when he does arrive. Like... (coos like a pigeon).
Jack: That won't be necessary.
Kenneth: (whispers) I'll probably just do it anyway.
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(Liz approaches Greta, who is carrying a basket of kittens)
Liz: (gasps) Look at these guys!
Greta: Yeah... They like you. They're very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person.
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Tracy: You need to hook me up with one of them helicopters.
Ted: Absolutely. I'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.
Tracy: Nah, I don't wanna get in it. I wanna blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.
(Ted and Amanda laugh)
Ted: Pleasure to have met you.
Tracy: Damn straight. I'm delightful.
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Liz: (referring to Lutz) He called me the worst name ever.
Frank: What did he call you?
Liz: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
Pete: Fat can?
Liz: No.
Frank: Mouth hooker.
Liz: No.
Frank: Monster bitch.
Pete: Hatchet face.
Liz: No!
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Liz: There is no male equivalent to this word.
Pete: Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that? Like, uh...munkus?
Frank: Fungdark.
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Liz: Oh, my God, I am. I'm a total...
Greta: (runs in looking for her missing cat) Runt! Runt! I lost my kitten. Has anyone seen my Runt?
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(Geiss cracks a joke)
Tracy: (forced laughter) That's humorous. Hey, how come you don't hire more black people around here?
Geiss: Beg your pardon?
Tracy: How come there's no black people here? Black people can't make light bulbs?
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(Liz brings cupcakes for everyone)
Pete: Oh, I get it. You're trying to be nice now 'cause of what Lutz said.
Liz: I'm not trying to be nice. I am nice. I'm a nice person you bald, gangly... (clears throat) I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna try to be nice.
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Kenneth: (to Geiss) I studied TV theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.
Tracy: I studied fried chicken at the School of Hard Knocks. Ain't that right, Mr. Jack?
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Liz: (to the writers) This isn't Hitler's bunker. That would make me Hitler. (everyone stares at her) What, this is the new me. Do you like the new me? And before you answer–SuperBalls! (dumps out a bag of bouncy balls)
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Kenneth: Grace, there is something that I must say to you, but my words cannot suffice. So, to quote Mr. Jerry Maguire, you make me a complete person.
Grace: When you said hello, you had me.
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Liz: I know what you called me, Lutz.
Lutz: Oh. I'm sorry that I said that. Please don't make me move back to Alaska, Liz. I hate it there.
Liz: You can stay.
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Liz: (to the writers, angrily) If any of you ever call me that horrible word again, I will fire you. And you will never alter drapes in Atlanta again, because you do not cross a Sugarbaker woman! (cries) I'm so tired. I'm so tired, you guys.
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