Episode Quotes
Liz: I want to keep making prank phone calls to people like Seattle's Richard Sackmuncher.
Jack: Your writer's room is now the headquarters for Telemundo's coverage of World Cup soccer qualifying.
Jenna: (to Kenneth) You know how you told Tracy not to go into your bedroom? Well, naturally, we assumed you were a serial killer. And as you can imagine, your bird is dead.
Jack: The days of your wild coke parties are over.
Liz: Well, if by coke you mean soda.
Jack: I do.
Jack: (to Liz) Top front? Good lord, Lemon, that's your worst quadrant.
HR Guy: (to Liz) He alleges you tried to barter sex for professional consideration. In the HR world we refer to that as being a filthy prostitute.
Pete: It's a massacre! I can't go back to teaching high school math. Those girls pretend they're not women, but they are.
Jack: This is a very difficult time, Kenneth. I'm gonna be counting on you. You'll do fine so long as you follow my three Ds: Discretion, Docility, and Don't use my bathroom.
Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy, I know you said only interrupt you if was very important, but Tishonda from Time Warner Cable is on the phone, and she's offering three free months of Showtime, but we have to act now!