Stan checks in at the "Bates Motel", which is an abbreviation for "masturbates".

TheCIA doctor is in the middle of performing open-heart surgery on Vice President Dick Cheney when Stan calls. Cheney has had operations like this in real life.

"Dr. Heisler, Plastic Surgeon - We'll Make You Do-able Again." is what the sign on Dr. Heislers office building says.

The name on Hayley's fake ID is "Dr. Ernestine Chow."

One of the TV Networks in Langley Falls is W-ANG studios. Naturally appropriate considering the plot of the episode.

Francine: What's going on?
Stan: Steve fell off a ladder. He's dead inside. We're gonna go save America.
Klaus: Francine, you seem oddly unfazed.
Francine: No, no, I'm shocked and confused. It's just that I paralyzed my face to make me look prettier.
Klaus: Oh, why didn't you say you were having work done? I would have gladly gone halfsies on the super boob.

Roger & Klaus: Francine!
Roger: Good to see you, Mrs. S. You just missed happy hour, but we may still have some crab cakes. Miguel, tenemos crab cakes?!
Francine: I don't want any crab cakes.
Roger: Good, because there's no Miguel or crab cakes.

(Another Avalanche covers them in snow)Moose #1: Why do we keep grazing here?
Moose #2: I don't know. I do not know.

Stan: Okay, now that the square is gone, we can really rap. So, what do you need to know?
Steve: Um, everything, I guess. I talk a big game, but I actually know very little about sex.
Stan: Well, you don't have to worry about it because you're not having it.
Steve: Oh, but I guess I just thought I should know...
Stan: You don't need to know! That's the beautiful mystery of sex.
Steve: Well, I guess not, but I...
Stan: See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It'll just be a fact, an ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son?
Steve: No.
Stan: And that's where babies come from.

TV Announcer: Watch Paris and Nicole debase themselves as they desperately cling to their last shred of stardom.

Steve: So, you're saying I should never ever have sex before marriage?
Stan: That's right, or angels will kill you.

Paris & Nicole: (On TV) We're gonna show you boys a new meaning of the words "hard time."

During Stan's sex-ed class with Steve, a green calendar appears on the wall in the background where there wasn't one before.

Hayley rips Roger's clothes off right before she reaches into his orifices to obtain her license but after Roger's pancreas bites her he's completely dress again.

The number of bar stools change from 5 to 4

A Smith In The Hand

The episode title is a spoof of the phrase "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

Visual: The Simple Life - Life Without Parole

This is a take-off of FOX's show The Simple Life that starred Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie

Roger: Oh, what fresh hell is this?

A famous quote often used by writer Dorothy Parker when she would answer the phone.

When Francine enters Roger's Place, Roger and Klaus yell "Francine!".
This is a reference to the long running sitcom Cheers (1982-1993).

Also, the name ‘Roger's Place’ is an allusion to the spin-off of All in the Family, Archie Bunker's Place (1979-1983).

One of the Faces of Evil Stan shows is that of terrorist Osama bin Laden (1957-2011)

One of the Faces of Evil Stan shows is that of terrorist Fidel Castro (1965-2011)

One of the Faces of Evil Stan shows is that of terrorist Kim Jong Il (1942-2011)

Paris: Takin' it off here boss

This is a reference to the 1967 Paul Newman film “Cool Hand Luke”, with the characters “Luke” (Newman) and “Dragline” (George Kennedy) being seen.

Francine uses a Swiffer to clear the kitchen floor.

Visual: 'Bates Motel

Stan goes to the 'Bates Motel to relieve himself. This is a reference to the classic 1960 Hitchcock horror film, Psycho.
Naturally the way it's spelled in this episode is short for Masturbates.