<-- Previous EpisodeNext Episode -->

American Dad!: Stan Knows Best

Hayley finally moves out to be with Jeff without realizing Jeff lives in his van so she is forced to become a stripper to make ends meet.

Meanwhile, Steve convinces Roger to pretend to be his sister the burn victim to gain the attention of a girl.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x3
Production Number: 1AJN03
Airdate: Sunday May 08th, 2005
Network: FOX

Guest Stars
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Strip Club Patron
Curtis ArmstrongCurtis Armstrong
voiced Schmuley “Snot” Lonstein
Daisuke SuzukiDaisuke Suzuki
voiced Toshi Hirano
Eddie Kaye ThomasEddie Kaye Thomas
voiced Barry Robinson
Jeff FischerJeff Fischer
voiced Jeff Fischer
Mike Barker (1)Mike Barker (1)
voiced Sanders | Ron
Mike Henry (1)Mike Henry (1)
voiced Jackson | Strip Club Patron
Nat FaxonNat Faxon
voiced Strip Club Patron
Sarah SilvermanSarah Silverman
voiced House of Hoagies Stripper
Zooey DeschanelZooey Deschanel
voiced Candy Striper | French Main
Brenda VaccaroBrenda Vaccaro
voiced ‘Mentally Deficient Young Women’ Owner
Robin BartlettRobin Bartlett
voiced Woman's Studies Teacher
Tori SpellingTori Spelling
voiced Kim
Main Cast
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Stan Smith | Roger
Wendy SchaalWendy Schaal
voiced Francine Smith
Scott GrimesScott Grimes
voiced Steve Smith
Rachael MacFarlaneRachael MacFarlane
voiced Hayley Smith
Dee Bradley BakerDee Bradley Baker
voiced Klaus Heissler
Episode Notes
Langley Falls Post Newspaper Headline

Hayley's stripper name is "Dusty"

The name of the strip club Hayley strips at is the "Mentally Deficient Young Women (Formerly Crazy Girls)."

This episode introduces the character of

Sanders | One of Stan's CIA co-workers

This is the first episode where Roger takes on an alternate persona so he can interact with someone outside of the Smith family.

He dresses as a version of “Hayley” who has suffered horrific burns.

Episode Quotes
Stan: How much longer do I have you for?
Clown: Two hours.
Stan: Go read to my wife.

(Hayleys wig falls off)
Man #1: Oh, man, that's gross!
Man #2: Yeah, that's the one place you want them to have hair.

Stan: Woo! Yeah! Shake it, baby, you will not break it!
Francine: It took me nine months to make it!

Steve: Whoa, nice dome. You're almost as ugly as Roger.
Roger: I'm not ugly! Am I?

Stan: (To a stripper in a sheep-herding outfit) Hey, Bo Peep! I know where you can find your sheep: in hell!

Hayley: Jeff's here. Later.
Stan: Who's Jeff?!
Hayley: My boyfriend, don't wait up.
Stan: Boyfriend? How can she be old enough to have a boyfriend? She still wets her bed.

Stan: Hey, turn down that rap music! It's a bad influence! I swear, yo, shorty be leaning on my last nerve.
Francine: Well, what do you expect? You shaved her head in her sleep, and putting her hand in that bowl of warm water that was just overkill.
Stan: I wanted to see if it works, it totally does.

Jeff: My mom had me right where you're sitting.

(Hayley is stripping in front of a guy)
Man: Oh, yeah! Who's your daddy?
Stan: I am!

Francine: (Gasps) Hayley's working at a booby bar?! And she traded shifts with Tina?! What does Tina have to do that's so important? Oh, wait, this isn't about Tina! (Gasps) This isn't about Tina! It's never been about Tina

Hayley: Jeff, you were so good at dinner.
Jeff: Babe, we're good together. Which is why I was thinking you should move in with me.
Hayley: Whoa. It's only been three weeks. Besides, I don't think my dad would be too happy with that.
Jeff: Babe, your dad digs me. I can tell he wants us to be together.
(Two guys hired by Stan enter through ceiling window, kidnapping Hayley)
Guy: Great, now it's officially a sausage fest

Steve: No, no, no, you know what? Not only am I going to that dance, but I'll bet each of you 20 bucks that I also get boob.
Snot: Bring back the bra to prove it?
Steve: I'll do you one better -- I'll wear it back. (Pause) No, actually, I'll just bring it.

Francine: Stan, you're so stressed. You want me to make you happy with my mouth?
Stan: Yeah, I guess so.
(Francine starts blowing raspberries in Stan's stomach, Stan laughs)
Stan: Ah, that helps a little.
Francine: Stan, maybe you'd feel better if we met this boy. Why don't we have him over for dinner so you can get to know him?
Stan: That's brilliant, Francine. Now rephrase it so it sounds like my idea.

(Stan is disguised as a Russian at a grocery store)
Stan: (In Russian accent) Paper or plastic?
Hayley: Burlap.
Stan: (In Russian accent) I, too, share your annoying concern for the environment.
Hayley: Dad?
Stan: (In Russian accent) No, no. I am former communist named Petrov. Like you, I embrace insane left-wing philosophies which are best discussed in comfort of parents' home.
Hayley: Dad, leave me alone.
Stan: (In normal voice) All right, I've had enough of this. You're coming home with me right now or else.
Hayley: Or else what?
Cashier: That'll be $38.40.
(Stan takes Hayley's credit card)
Hayley: Hey!
Stan: Or else you can't use this. Your mother and I gave you this card, and I can damn well take it back.
Hayley: Fine, I don't need your money.
Stan: Good, 'cause I'm completely cutting you off.
Cashier: Petrov, go restock that stuff.
Stan: (In Russian accent) Can't Susan do it? I on break in, like, two minutes.

Stan: How could you let Hayley do this?!
Jeff: Do what?
Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Ho's, her Ding Dong's, her Suzie Q's, her... her... uh... aw, God, what... what are those called... ? Those little, uh... pink with coconut... ? They're really good...
Jeff: Her Sno Balls?
Stan: You bastard!

Francine: How's everyone's French toast?
Stan: Smelly and ungrateful, but this American toast is delicious.

(Hayley walks in with green hair)
Roger: Wow, Hayley, some dye job. (Laughs) The carpet matched the curtains.
Francine: What'd you do to your hair?!
Hayley: I dyed it at a Green Party rally.
Stan: You missed family game night for that? Go wash it out! You look like a slutty wad of money.
Hayley: No way!
Stan (Points gun at Hayley) Yes way!
Francine: Stan!
Stan: She started it!

Jeff: Hey, I just hope one day, I, too, have a daughter who's as smart and wonderful as Hayley.
Francine: Aww... isn't he sweet, Stan?
Stan: He sure is. Next time I'm out of Jolly Ranchers, I'm just gonna suck on Jeff.

(Hayley brings a guy a beer)
Man: Hey, waitress! Bring me another beer.
Hayley: But I just brought you one.
Man: Yeah, this one's to drown my crabs. (Pours beer down his pants)

Episode Goofs
Stan hears Francines question about the French Toast, even though he apparently has earplugs in his ear.

Roger only has makeup on is upper eyelid but once when he blinks, the makeup is seen on both the upper and lower lids.

The same things happens with a stripper later in the episode.

Cultural References
Episode Title: Stan Knows Best

A spoof of the TV show, Father Knows Best.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorSeth MacFarlane  |  Mike Barker (1)  |  Matt Weitzman
Executive ProducerMatt Weitzman  |  Mike Barker (1)  |  Seth MacFarlane
Co-Executive ProducerKenny Schwartz  |  Rick Wiener  |  David Zuckerman  |  David Hemingson
Supervising ProducerCraig Thomas (1)  |  Carter Bays
ProducerDan Vebber  |  Kara Vallow
Co-ProducerBrian Boyle
Consulting ProducerBrad Johnson (3)
Associate ProducerMark Douglas (1)
EditorBobby Gibis  |  Michael Elias
CastingLinda Lamontagne
Staff WriterMatt McKenna  |  Chris McKenna (1)  |  Alison McDonald  |  Steve Hely
MusicRon Jones (1)
Production AssistantErin Sirpenski  |  Travis Bowe  |  Robert Hunter (2)  |  Kari Salrin  |  Ray Valenzuela  |  Michael Wittenberg
Post Production SupervisorLaura Stupsker
Production SupervisorCharles Song
Storyboard ArtistScott Wood
Supervising DirectorRon Hughart
Production ManagerTodd Garfield
Executive Story EditorSam O'Neal  |  Nahnatchka Khan  |  Neal Boushell
Main Title ThemeWalter Murphy
Assistant DirectorJoe Daniello
Animation ProducerDiana Ritchey
Storyboard RevisionistJohn Drake O'Day  |  Zeke Johnson  |  Erik Kuska  |  Steve Wong
Writing AssistantKeith Heisler  |  Erik Durbin
Production ControllerLiddane Sanders
AssistantLaura Hilker  |  Matt Fusfeld  |  Andy Goldberg
Missing Information
Click here to add Music
Click here to add Episode References
Click here to add Analysis