Michael: What about the outfit yesterday?
Lindsay: Old thing gave it to me.
Patient: There's like this longing .. this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of...?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though, you probably are a homosexual.
Michael: I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up.
G.O.B.: Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can't be upset if they blow their nose. Right? I mean ...
(Michael holds up Girls With Low Self-Esteem tape)
Michael: Is this what you want?
Tobias: Oh, God, no.
Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.
Oscar: OK, but I never meant to break up your family. Your mom called me for a reason. I -- I don't think she's happy.
Buster: No, she's happy. She's just mean all the time.
Buster: Just wanted to check in and make sure you’re aware that your ban on organized sports in this family has been violated.
George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn’t let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you’ve been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn’t kick, and you couldn’t run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that’s what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.
George Michael: Hey Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where’d my Dad go?
Tobias: (quietly) Douche-chill.
Announcer: It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.
Lindsay: Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It’s built into the price. If I didn’t take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.
Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I’m white. I think I’m going to be okay.
Officer Taylor: Well, we’re here investigating the disappearance of Kitty Sanchez. Apparently, you’re the last person to see her. Alive. Or around town or whatever.
Michael: I-I did, I threatened her at a restaurant, but, you know. It’s a restaurant. So ... certainly she’s been seen since then.
Officer Taylor: Not alive. Or dead or whatever.