Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. We're the future of food, developing the next generation of food and food-like products. Tomatoes... the size of this baby, lemon-flavored fish, chickens that lay 16 eggs a day, which is a lot for a chicken, organic vegetables chock-full of antidepressants. At Veridian Dynamics, we can even make radishes so spicy that people can't eat them, but we're not, because people can't eat them. Veridian Dynamics. Food. Yum.
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Veronica: Ted.
Ted: Veronica.
Veronica: How are you?
Ted: I'm fine. Why?
Veronica: I was just seeing what small talk might look like.
Ted: Oh, well, usually, you...
Veronica: Please stop. I feel like I just pissed away my day.
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Veronica: We have a problem. The Food Division just told me that the "Extra Fun Mac and Cheese" I'm supposed to be presenting to the shareholders causes blindness if eaten more than twice a week. Plus, no matter how long it's cooked, it never gets hot.
Ted: Maybe it's not Mac and Cheese.
Veronica: Oh, no, it has to be. They've already designed the box.
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Ted: At least meat grown in a test tube doesn't feel pain. Please tell me it doesn't feel pain.
Lem: We don't think so.
Phil: Yeah, although interestingly, it does respond to music.
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Linda: I wish you didn't have your stupid one-office-affair rule, and that you hadn't used your one office affair so stupidly.
Ted: And I wish you hadn't called me stupid twice in one sentence, but here we are.
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Veronica: Legal is worried that Phil might think his annoying outbursts are connected to our allegedly freezing him.
Ted: We didn't "allegedly" freeze him, we froze him. Like a human leftover.
Veronica: Legal says we don't know what that chamber is that he entered freely. The latest theory is that he may have been attempting to perform a magic trick.
Ted: Oh, yeah, that magic trick where the company freezes him.
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Phil: I've never been in the executive dining room before. It's nice.
Veronica: Well, now you can have lunch here any time you want. (to herself) For the next month.
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Phil: I am the Below Zero Hero. Julie in Employee Services asked for my autograph. That's right, Julie. With those breasts in front. It's a new Phil, Lem. You had better get used to it.
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Jerome: It tastes familiar.
Ted: Beef?
Jerome: No.
Linda: Chicken? We'll take chicken.
Ted: What does it taste like?
Jerome: Despair.
Ted: Is it possible it just needs salt?
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Ted: We may have created a monster in the lab.
Veronica: It's not a monster. It's a cyborg that can kill without remorse.
Ted: I was talking about Phil.
Veronica: I was also talking about Phil. (Ted stares) It's classified. It's going to be a fantastic new tool. If we can get it to tell the difference between soldiers and children.
Ted: We have a Phil problem. And that means we have a meat problem.
Veronica: I can't have a Phil or a meat problem. Bad enough I have a cyborg problem. Stupid thing just kills whatever is in front of it.
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Lem: Maybe the meat blob's not taking in enough nutrients. I guess I could try and give it a mouth.
Ted: I'm gonna say no to the meat blob getting a mouth. Mostly because I don't want to hear what it has to say.
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Phil: You're right. How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?
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Ted: Guys! You're together. And you have 72 hours to make that thing taste like something a drunk teenager would tip over. (the guys stare) Cow. I'm talking about a cow.
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Ted: I... I would love to help you with that, Linda, but I used up my office affair.
Linda: It's not like voting, Ted. You can punch more than one ballot.
Ted: I... I don't want to be a guy who votes around.
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