Heroes - Recap

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After trying out some small talk with Ted, Veronica gets to the point: she wants him to develop a new food product to replace the defective Mac & Cheese that they created. Ted brings his team in and Phil and Lem propose cow-less laboratory-grown beef. Unfortunately, Phil is still screaming due to the botched cryogenic experiment. Veronica sprays him with a spray bottle to get him to stop. Linda comes, having been delayed trying to dry her hands and using a paper-towel dispenser that only feeds out one inch at a time.

Phil and Lem work on the new beef blob, while Ted catches Linda stealing coffee creamer again. Linda defends herself, saying the company owes her for the miserly paper-towel machine. The only way she can keep from going insane is through the small act of stealing creamer from the company. They talk about the fact Ted used up his one office affair (with Veronica), but then makes a hasty exit when Veronica arrives and wonders where the creamer is. Veronica tells Ted that Legal is worried that Phil might sue them over the failed cryogenic experiment. Ted points out that they can’t develop the new meat without Phil, and proposes they give Phil an award to make him feel good. Veronica is puzzled at first over the idea of making employees feel good, but agrees once she figures Phil won’t sue them.

The presentation takes place in the executive dining room. Ted gives Phil his brand-new Trailblazer Award. However, when Phil gives his acceptance speech, he bursts out screaming again. Veronica convinces the execs that it’s a victory screech, like the American Eagle.

Afterward, all of the scientists except Lem are thrilled to hear about Phi’s new award. Lem is jealous and Phil tells him to get used to the new Phil. Meanwhile, Ted prepares to have their taste tester, Jerome, sample the new meat. As he goes in, he runs into Linda and warns her she can’t steal creamer any more. Jerome tastes the meat but thinks it tastes like despair. Ted figures that Phil and Lem can solve the problem, but runs into Lem in the hallway. Lem tells him that he won’t work with Phil any more.
Ted gives Veronica the bad news and she decides to appeal to Phil’s ego. She meets with him in the executive dining hall, flatters him, flirts with him, and then tricks him signing a waiver by asking for his autograph. As soon s she has his signature, Veronica drops the act and tells him to get back to work.

Ted checks on Lem, who is having problems getting the meat blob to develop. Phil comes in and admits that the prize was just a trick to keep him from suing. Ted objects, saying that he thought Phil deserved it. Phil and Lem start to fight and Ted splits them, assigning them to different teams. As soon as Lem is gone, Phil can’t believe his partner would leave. Ted tells him that Lem is feeling lost and abandoned, the same way that Phil did when. Phil rushes to get his friend and discovers Lem coming back in. The partners are reunited and Ted tells them they have 72 hours to finalize the meat blob.

Phil and Lem come to one conclusion: the meat blob needs exercise, just like real cows. They try muscle massage and then vibration. Finally they use electro-shock therapy. Even Jerome likes it. The team is honored once again for their contributions to Veridian Dynamics. Now they only have to figure out how to reduce the cost per pound of cow-less meat to less than $10,000. Ted is satisfied that Phil and Lem are heroes.

Linda comes back to steal creamer only to discover that Ted is replacing the creamer out of his own pocket. so he can fix the situation. She can’t bring herself to steal creamer any more because she’s be stealing it from him, not the company. She suggests they have an affair to relieve her stress, but Ted stands by his one-office-affair rule. Linda ends up wasting paper in the bathroom.