Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. The environment—everyone likes it. And so, we do too. That’s why we’re committed to saving it. Veridian Dynamics is turning every one of our buildings 100% green. It’s ridiculously expensive and spending money makes us sad. But we’re doing it because we love nature, even when it’s being mean or just acting stupid. Veridian Dynamics. Greening our world.

Ted: So how did I get here? Because I like a girl, specifically this girl. And like so many stories about a girl, this one starts with gunplay.

Lem: We've disappointed him.
Phil: No one would want to be us right now, and since we are us right now, it's very difficult.

Veronica: There is no program to green the building.
Ted: Yeah there is. They made a commercial about it.
Veronica: I didn't say there wasn't a commercial about greening the building. I said there is no program to green the building.
Ted: So it's all a lie?
Veronica: They prefer to look at it as a dream.
Ted: But one they're not working towards/
Veronica: Are you working toward all your dreams, Ted? Then stop pointing fingers.

Ted: The company has classified this as confidential.
Linda: But it's a good thing. Why does it need to be confidential?
Ted: Because, uh, if only bad things were confidential, then every time they labeled something as "confidential," people would know it was bad.
Linda: That's weird.
Ted: I know. Then don't do it.

Ted: Oh, man, this lie has spread like mayonnaise at a Baptist picnic.

Veronica: I wish I had the power to make everyone go away. Oh, wait. I do.

Phil: And so we're looking for a way to make Ted feel good about us again.
Lem: Any ideas?
Linda: I don't know. Buy him a candle.
Lem: That's not gonna fly. Ted hates things that light on fire.
Phil: Hey, Ted likes Linda.
Lem: You wanna give him Linda?
Phil: Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking that, but...
Linda: I will be given to no man! I saw that in a movie once. (Phil and Lem stare) Nothing.

Phil: What about bioluminescence? Fireflies have been using it for 2,000 years.
Lem: Fireflies--the flaming plates of the insect world.

Veronica: In a couple of hours we're presenting Jabberwocky to the entire division.
Ted: What? Why'd you agree to that?
Veronica: Oh, really, Ted, is that your strategy, let's make this Veronica's fault?
Ted: You're the only person I told.
Veronica: Wow. It is your strategy. That is so thin.

Ted: I hope you're not upset.
Linda: Nah. You stole from the company for me. How could a girl be mad at someone that does that? You're like my thief in shining armor.