Veridian Dynamics has a new plan to lower health care costs by providing single employees with a list of their perfect genetic matches. Phil is dismayed to learn that since he's married, he's excluded from the listings. Linda and Ted vow not to get together with their perfect genetic matches.
Lem and Phil are trying to develop fast-growing edible moss for NASA. Veronica calls Lem up to her office. Before he can go, Phil gets an e-mail informing him the company is offering him a free vasectomy. Lem doesn't have time to deal with his friend's problem and goes to see Veronica, who informs him that the company has determined that he has the most suitable sperm in the company for her to have a child. She asks him to make a donation and he gives in because he can't say no.
Ted runs into his match, Danielle, and they hit it off. Ted breaks his promise to Linda and agrees to go on a date with her. Meanwhile, Linda meets Greg, who she is immediately attracted to. She refuses to go out with him despite the fact they're both attracted to each other.
When Phil and Lem tell Ted their problems, Danielle quickly leaves. Ted promises to help both of them and go out on his date with Danielle to boot. However, Linda soon realizes that he broke his promise and immediately sets up a dinner date with Greg.
After Ted talks to Veronica, she goes to see Lem, who ducks into the men's room. She goes in after him and asks him if he really is refusing to donate. Lem immediately caves again and agrees, and she tells him to finish the moss project.
Over dinner, Linda tells Greg that she used to steal creamer to quietly rebel against the company. Greg admits that he has his own way of asserting himself. He figures Linda will think it's strange, but finally tells her that he dresses up in a realistic bear suit and goes to the park to forage for berries and rock the occasional camper.
Ted and Danielle end up in bed. However, the next day he explains to Veronica that he blurted out "I love you." She and he both figure that means he's too needy. Ted explains that he tried to cover by claiming he said "I love Utah." When Danielle questioned that, Ted was forced to explain further. When he couldn't think of any city in Utah, he made up an Indian name and claimed he came from Indian heritage. Danielle accepted his story, including all of the Indian words he made up on the spot. Ted is worried because he wants to get to know her, but Veronica doesn't think it's going to turn out well.
As Ted goes to check on the team, Linda rides with him in the elevator. They run into Danielle, who starts saying some of Ted's "Indian" words back to him. Linda realizes what's going on and once Danielle leaves, boasts that her new relationship is going better. Greg gets in the elevator and Linda continues to remind Ted she's doing better. Once Greg hears that Ted likes to pretend he's an Indian, he suggests that Ted stalk him, and then asks Linda out for a date in the park.
Ted returns to the lab and finds Phil researching his family tree, which is filled with examples of how the Mymans have been losers throughout history. Ted can't access the medical records to confirm why the company wants Phil to have the vasectomy. He goes to see Veronica and asks for her help, and tells her to stop bothering Lem or they'll never get the moss project completed. When Ted wonders why Veronica wants the sperm sample, she admits that since her sister recently had another child, Veronica has wanted one as well.
Ted asks Danielle to lunch but Linda can't resist striking up a conversation with him in his made-up Indian language. When she starts making comments about Danielle's breasts and leaves, Ted finally gives up and admits he lied. He tries to point out that it's kind of cute, but Danielle is more interested in the fact he lied to her and stalks off.
Phil goes to the company medical office with Lem and reluctantly agrees to get the vasectomy. However, Veronica comes in and demands that the receptionist hand over Phil's medical records. When she refuses, Veronica threatens to come after her physically. As they watch, Lem is impressed by Veronica's strong maternal protective instincts. When the receptionist goes to lock her door, Veronica grabs the medical records from her desk and runs out the door with Phil and Lem.
After the moss project is completed, Lem decides to donate his sperm after all. He goes into Veronica's office and gives her his sperm... as the NASA officials look on.
Phil learns that the reason the company wants him to get a vasectomy is because he's too fertile. He'd produce too many babies and make the health care too expensive.
Ted realizes that he needs to get out more because he's become too needy since his wife has left him. Linda apologizes for breaking up his relationship with Danielle, and then admits she won't be dating Greg any more. He was shot with a tranquilizer dart by Animal Control while terrorizing teenagers in the park.