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Better Off Ted: Battle of the Bulbs
Dr. Bhamba has an affair with Lem's mother Stella, a famous physicist who dislikes her son for selling out. While Lem deals with his issue, Ted has some issues of his own when the company overlooks him and embraces Linda's improvement on his long-lived long-life light bulb project.
| 8.5/10 (11 Votes cast) |
Episode Info
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Episode number: 2x3 Production Number: 2APX05 Airdate: Tuesday December 22nd, 2009 Alternate Airdates:
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UK (
Co-Guest Stars
Main Cast
Recap
Ted is talking to the team about his long-life light bulbs and Dr. Bhamba steals Lem's doughnut, coffee, and doughnut again. Ted breaks up the resulting slapfight and the meeting ends on a high note. Afterward, Veronica wants Ted to recruit top scientist Stella Clifton. Lem overhears them and protests. After he leaves, Ted explains to Veronica that Stella is Lem's mother, and he's always felt overshadowed by her. Ted suggests that they not hire Stella and Veronica agrees...Read the full recap
Episode Quotes
Ted: The potential for a long-lasting light bulb is enormous. In a recent study, people's desire to see things ranked third, right after hitting things and trying to have sex with things.
Ted: (watching scientists slapfight) Gentlemen, when you fight like that, manhood weeps.
Ted: And I can't get enough of the company's love.
Linda: Maybe you and the company should spend a weekend in wine country together, share a couple of bottles one evening, maybe convince it not to wear panties to dinner.
Veronica: You should jump on that, Ted, before the crazy outweighs the hot.
Linda: Maybe you and the company should spend a weekend in wine country together, share a couple of bottles one evening, maybe convince it not to wear panties to dinner.
Veronica: You should jump on that, Ted, before the crazy outweighs the hot.
Ted: I'm saying, can't we just let this one go? It wouldn't be the first time we didn't hire a brilliant scientist because someone at the company would be upset. Remember Bob Hitler?
Veronica: No, I forgot the scientist named Hitler. Okay, fine, we won't go after Lem's mom. But this would be easier to sell upstairs if someone named Clifton had bombed the hell out of London.
Veronica: No, I forgot the scientist named Hitler. Okay, fine, we won't go after Lem's mom. But this would be easier to sell upstairs if someone named Clifton had bombed the hell out of London.
Lem: Mommy?
Stella Clifton: Hello, sweetheart. How was your day at the crap factory?
Lem: You know, sometimes I feel that you judge what I do.
Stella Clifton: Hello, sweetheart. How was your day at the crap factory?
Lem: You know, sometimes I feel that you judge what I do.
Stella Clifton: What will people do without a helmet that feeds them cheeseburgers or a remote control for their underpants?
Lem: We're not making a cheeseburger helmet. They pulled the plug after it fed one of the test subjects to death.
Lem: We're not making a cheeseburger helmet. They pulled the plug after it fed one of the test subjects to death.
Veronica: I know what you're going through. When my little sister came along, I was very jealous. That feeling never went away--even when she so she was older and I put testosterone in her orange juice, so she became hairy and unlovable and got kicked off the gymnastics team for doping.
Ted: Oh, my God!
Veronica: I was not a perfect child, Ted. My parents only had so much love, and I got it, and Monkey Girl didn't. Anyway, don't be like that.
Ted: Oh, my God!
Veronica: I was not a perfect child, Ted. My parents only had so much love, and I got it, and Monkey Girl didn't. Anyway, don't be like that.
Ted: Okay! Everybody's here.
Linda: Okay! Everybody's here.
Ted: I know you're co-leading this, but that doesn't mean just repeating what I say.
Linda: Maybe you're repeating what I say just before I get a chance to say it.
Linda: Okay! Everybody's here.
Ted: I know you're co-leading this, but that doesn't mean just repeating what I say.
Linda: Maybe you're repeating what I say just before I get a chance to say it.
Dr. Bhamba: Why are you looking up my mother's Facebook page?
Lem: I'm going to find her, seduce her, and make sensitive yet vigorous love to her.
Dr. Bhamba: Well, that's the one thing we haven't tried to get her out of her coma.
Lem: I'm going to find her, seduce her, and make sensitive yet vigorous love to her.
Dr. Bhamba: Well, that's the one thing we haven't tried to get her out of her coma.
Lem: She's always reminding me that while she's unlocking the secrets of the universe, I'm trying to design a toaster that can handle a pizza bagel.
Dr. Bhamba: That would be a boon to both Jews and Italians.
Dr. Bhamba: That would be a boon to both Jews and Italians.
Lem: Your breakthroughs in weapons technology have made warfare exponentially more horrifying.
Dr. Bhamba: Well... I don't know about that. It takes a village to kill a village.
Dr. Bhamba: Well... I don't know about that. It takes a village to kill a village.
Rose: If you think about it, it's not hard to figure out what people want, especially if they tell you over and over about it again.
Ted: We're not getting a motorcycle with a sidecar. It's just not practical.
Rose: We'll see.
Ted: We're not getting a motorcycle with a sidecar. It's just not practical.
Rose: We'll see.
Veronica: Linda, just listen to yourself. Those are just facts, and facts are just opinions, and opinions can be wrong.
Veronica: Now get in there and run that meeting like a shark driving an assault vehicle through a herd of seals wearing chum pants.
Ted: If you join the Veridian team, you would have access to unmatched scientific resources, from hydro-perlation nongravitational calibrations, to executives who only know the name of one cool thing but will stay out of your way.
Phil: You're so desperate to score points with the company, you're trying to hire this hot, sexy woman, even though you know it would destroy Lem. Yes, I think you're sexy. Yes, I don't have a lot of grown-up drinks, and yes, I wish I had a third yes. And, yes, I don't.
Other Episode Crew
| • Creator | Victor Fresco |
| • Executive Producer | Victor Fresco |
| • Co-Executive Producer | Michael Teverbaugh | Tim Doyle | John Hoberg | Kat Likkel | Michael Shipley | Michael A. Ross |
| • Producer | Marc Solakian |
| • Associate Producer | Lisa Iannone |
| • Production Designer | Dawn Snyder |
| • Editor | Robert Bramwell |
| • Casting | Jill Anthony | Laura Adler |
| • Unit Production Manager | Jack Philbrick |
| • First Assistant Director | Eric Jewett |
| • Second Assistant Director | Jason Roberts (2) |
| • Staff Writer | Ingrid Escajeda |
| • Music | Scott Clausen | Christopher A. Lee (1) |
| • Costume Designer | Brandy Lusvardi |
| • Key Grip | Tom Keefer |
| • Set Decorator | Diane Yates |
| • Transportation Coordinator | Mike Paventi |
| • Property Master | Kevin Shaw (3) |
| • Construction Coordinator | Greg Hamlin |
| • Production Sound Mixer | Jaya Jayaraja |
| • Script Supervisor | Rebecca E. Asher |
| • Production Coordinator | John Barney |
| • Script Coordinator | Eve Weston |
| • Assistant Editor | Brad Hawkinson |
| • Post Production Supervisor | John M. Myrick |
| • Supervising Sound Editor | Randy Thomas |
| • Re-Recording Mixer | Tamara Johnson |
| • Director of Photography | Brian J. Reynolds |
| • Story Editor | Audra Sielaff | Jordan Young | Elijah Aron | Becky Mann |
| • Costume Supervisor | Patricia McLaughlin |
| • Production Accountant | Suzie Shimizu |
| • Chief Lighting Technician | Derrick Kolus |
| • Department Head Hair | Lorna A. Reid |
| • Department Head Make-up | Darla Albright |
| • Music Consultant | Kevin Edelman |
| • Original Casting | Geraldine Leder | Sharon Klein |
| • Assistant To The Executive Producer | Chris Luccy |
| • Production Staff | Jason Suhrke | Oscar Sosa | Jessica Poter | Robert Olmedo | Shel Gilbert | Kate A. Ross | Rob Hoffman | James Gordon | Rick Glassman | Patrick Dunn | Nickole Doro | Katie Botkin | Christopher Horan |
| • Writing Assistant | Devin Mahoney |
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