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Better Off Ted: The Impertence of Communicationizing
| 8.7/10 (20 Votes cast) |
Episode Info
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Episode number: 2x8 Production Number: 2APX03 Airdate: Tuesday January 12th, 2010 Special Airtime: 08:30 pm Alternate Airdates:
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UK (
Co-Guest Stars
Main Cast
Recap
Ted decides to try communicating with one of his underlings, Debbie, on the new MRE project that they're working on. She is shy and is unable to say anything to him. When verbal communication fails, there's memos... but the company puts out a memo saying that employees must now use offensive language instead of not use offensive language. Ted warns Veronica and Linda that things will descend into chaos once everyone starts following the newest company memo. As Ted leaves to talk to HR, Veronica starts to feel a strange itchy sensation. Linda finally realizes that she's feeling guilt, an emotion Veronica is unfamiliar with. Veronica explains that when she was promoted, she was up against Walter Palmer, and she won. However, the memo referred to "him" getting the promotion instead of "her," and Veronica wonders if she got the promotion meant for Walter. Linda suggests that her boss talk to the man...Read the full recap
Episode Quotes
Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?
Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.
Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.
Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.
Veronica: So this is guilt, huh? In the past, I've always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.
Veronica: I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate...
Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.
Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.
Janet: The company doesn't make mistakes.
Ted: What about that memo announcing "Casual Fribsday"?
Janet: The company said that wasn't a mistake. They explained that the ancient Mayans prophesied Fribsday--the first ever eighth day of the week which will occur in 2024. Which the company believes should be celebrated casually. I'm going to wear a denim pantsuit.
Ted: And when they urged all employees to "carpoop"?
Janet: That wasn't mandatory. Thank God.
Ted: Although we did find out what people would do to park slightly closer to the building.
Ted: What about that memo announcing "Casual Fribsday"?
Janet: The company said that wasn't a mistake. They explained that the ancient Mayans prophesied Fribsday--the first ever eighth day of the week which will occur in 2024. Which the company believes should be celebrated casually. I'm going to wear a denim pantsuit.
Ted: And when they urged all employees to "carpoop"?
Janet: That wasn't mandatory. Thank God.
Ted: Although we did find out what people would do to park slightly closer to the building.
Lem: And so this new line of meals-ready-to eat gives the soldier in the field a portable meal with all the home-cooked flavor of something Mom used to chemically dehydrate and vacuum pack.
Veronica: Here, I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
Walter Palmer: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they day.
Walter Palmer: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they day.
Linda: Ted, a little chaos can be a good thing. My grandma met my grandma when a tornado blew her into his barn. He pulled the rake out of her chest and proposed on the spot.
Phil: We really should have been reading these memos.
Lem: Damn! We didn't have to work on Thanksgiving!
Phil: And look! Like I suspected, we were supposed to be wearing lead aprons when we were working on that genital x-ray project.
Lem: Damn! We didn't have to work on Thanksgiving!
Phil: And look! Like I suspected, we were supposed to be wearing lead aprons when we were working on that genital x-ray project.
Phil: I'm terrible at insults. As a child, I was beaten up constantly. The best comeback I ever came up with was, "You're right. I'll work on that."
Lem: I can help you, you sad jar of hobo urine.
Phil: Pow! I've been Lem-basted.
Lem: I can help you, you sad jar of hobo urine.
Phil: Pow! I've been Lem-basted.
Veronica: So I let him kiss me.
Linda: Oh, my God!
Veronica: But then I still felt guilty, so I let him feel me up.
Linda: Oh, my...
Veronica: I think I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter ever.
Linda: Oh, my God!
Veronica: But then I still felt guilty, so I let him feel me up.
Linda: Oh, my...
Veronica: I think I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter ever.
Debbie: Could you press 10 for me, you rat-face Nazi?
Phil: Your breasts should be on display at the Swiss Museum of Miniatures. You said 10, right?
Phil: Your breasts should be on display at the Swiss Museum of Miniatures. You said 10, right?
Linda: So not being controlling lasted for about one second?
Ted: I'm sorry. The naggity-nag-nag bitchy-bitch is right. Anything anyone wants to say is fine with me.
Linda: You heard the corporate chimp. Start making suggestions for meals-ready-to-eat before his head goes back up his butt.
Ted: I'm sorry. The naggity-nag-nag bitchy-bitch is right. Anything anyone wants to say is fine with me.
Linda: You heard the corporate chimp. Start making suggestions for meals-ready-to-eat before his head goes back up his butt.
Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you're gonna want to put three words into heavy rotation--babies, future, and commitment.
Veronica: Back off! I need my space! Wow, those words are powerful.
Veronica: Back off! I need my space! Wow, those words are powerful.
Phil: Give a man an insult, he can hurt people for a day. Teach a man to insult, he can hurt people who tease him because he never learned to fish. Anyway, I've devised a formula.
Lem: Look at that. You had a problem in your life and who stepped up to help you? Math. She has always been there for you, hasn't she, Phil?
Phil: If she ever took physical form, I'd leave my wife and marry her.
Lem: Stand in line, my friend.
Phil: Anyway, it's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia--male, female, or animal--and end with the suffix "-bag," "-wipe", or "-muncher."
Lem: You could also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body.
Lem: Look at that. You had a problem in your life and who stepped up to help you? Math. She has always been there for you, hasn't she, Phil?
Phil: If she ever took physical form, I'd leave my wife and marry her.
Lem: Stand in line, my friend.
Phil: Anyway, it's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia--male, female, or animal--and end with the suffix "-bag," "-wipe", or "-muncher."
Lem: You could also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body.
Veronica: In fact, we need to talk about us. And the future of our babies and how they'll be committed.
Walter Palmer: Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay.
Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That's right--big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cordwood.
Walter Palmer: Really?
Veronica: Yes, sir. That's all I ever think about--the future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment.
Walter Palmer: Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay.
Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That's right--big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cordwood.
Walter Palmer: Really?
Veronica: Yes, sir. That's all I ever think about--the future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment.
Ted: Now I've got to go find Phil and Lem and straighten out the MRE disaster.
Veronica: Don't boo-hoo me. Did that MRE touch your boobies, Ted? Then shut the hell up.
Veronica: Don't boo-hoo me. Did that MRE touch your boobies, Ted? Then shut the hell up.
Phil: Your eyes look like two beady rabbit pellets on the face of a monkey-licking pus-bomb.
Lem: You've just been Phil-abusted.
Phil: Nice!
Lem: That's it--fill up your canker-blossomed hole, you ale-soused apple-john. That was the Elizabethan model.
Phil: Ye have been served.
Lem: You've just been Phil-abusted.
Phil: Nice!
Lem: That's it--fill up your canker-blossomed hole, you ale-soused apple-john. That was the Elizabethan model.
Phil: Ye have been served.
Janet: Well, if we call it a groundswell, I think the company would go for it. That way it gets to pat itself on the back for listening and being a great communicationer.
Ted: You mean "communicator."
Janet: That's not what it says in the handbook.
Ted: You mean "communicator."
Janet: That's not what it says in the handbook.
Other Episode Crew
| • Creator | Victor Fresco |
| • Executive Producer | Victor Fresco |
| • Co-Executive Producer | John Hoberg | Kat Likkel | Tim Doyle | Michael A. Ross | Michael Shipley | Michael Teverbaugh |
| • Producer | Marc Solakian |
| • Associate Producer | Lisa Iannone |
| • Production Designer | Dawn Snyder |
| • Editor | Robert Bramwell |
| • Casting | Jill Anthony | Laura Adler |
| • Unit Production Manager | Jack Philbrick |
| • First Assistant Director | Eric Jewett |
| • Second Assistant Director | Jason Roberts (2) |
| • Staff Writer | Ingrid Escajeda |
| • Music | Scott Clausen | Christopher A. Lee (1) |
| • Costume Designer | Brandy Lusvardi |
| • Key Grip | Tom Keefer |
| • Transportation Coordinator | Mike Paventi |
| • Property Master | Kevin Shaw (3) |
| • Construction Coordinator | Greg Hamlin |
| • Production Sound Mixer | Jaya Jayaraja |
| • Script Supervisor | Rebecca E. Asher |
| • Production Coordinator | John Barney |
| • Script Coordinator | Eve Weston |
| • Assistant Editor | Brad Hawkinson |
| • Post Production Supervisor | John M. Myrick |
| • Supervising Sound Editor | Randy Thomas |
| • Re-Recording Mixer | Tamara Johnson |
| • Story Editor | Audra Sielaff | Becky Mann | Elijah Aron | Jordan Young |
| • Costume Supervisor | Patricia McLaughlin |
| • Production Accountant | Suzie Shimizu |
| • Chief Lighting Technician | Derrick Kolus |
| • Department Head Hair | Lorna A. Reid |
| • Department Head Make-up | Darla Albright |
| • Music Consultant | Kevin Edelman |
| • Original Casting | Geraldine Leder | Sharon Klein |
| • Assistant To The Executive Producer | Chris Luccy |
| • Production Staff | Oscar Sosa | Kate A. Ross | Jessica Poter | Robert Olmedo | Shel Gilbert | Christopher Horan | Rob Hoffman | James Gordon | Rick Glassman | Patrick Dunn | Nickole Doro | Katie Botkin | Weston Middleton |
| • Writing Assistant | Devin Mahoney |
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