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Better Off Ted: Swag the Dog

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Episode Info  

Episode number: 2x13
Production Number: 2APX10

Alternate Airdates:

Australia Aug 24, 2010

Guest Stars
Merrin DungeyMerrin Dungey
As Sheila
Dakin MatthewsDakin Matthews
As Arthur Wells

Co-Guest Stars
Donald LiDonald Li
As Asian Man
Donald LiDonald Li
As Asian Man
Main Cast
Portia de RossiPortia de Rossi
As Veronica Palmer
Portia de RossiPortia de Rossi
As Veronica Palmer
Andrea AndersAndrea Anders
As Linda Zwordling
Malcolm BarrettMalcolm Barrett
As Lem Hewitt
Malcolm BarrettMalcolm Barrett
As Lem Hewitt


Veronica comes to Ted to inform him that upper management wants to increase employee productivity to impress the visiting board of directors. Upper management has decided to give out tickets for hard work, in return for worthless prizes, and Ted has been chosen to run the program for their department...

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Episode Quotes
Veronica: The board of directors has a meeting this week, and upper management wants to present a new idea on how to increase productivity. Something impressive, that will razzle-dazzle them.
Ted: Should I get to work on a musical number? (singing) "If... your... profits..."
Veronica: And... curtain.

Veronica: One of the executives takes his daughter to a game arcade, and when they win, they get tickets, which they trade in for prizes. Even though the prizes are worthless, the little girls work themselves into a psychotic frenzy trying to win them.
Ted: So, we're replacing our department with psychotic little girls?
Veronica: That was discussed. But instead we're going to reward hard work by giving people tickets.
Ted: For worthless prizes?
Veronica: You have an impressive handle on this.

Lem: What is it about us that invites ridicule?
Phil: I don't know. We invent meat stuff, we're delightful, and yet no one respects us. Not even that cafeteria lady who with that hideous tongue birthmark that looks like a smaller and more hideous tongue.

Linda: Have some pudding.
Ted: Umm. Better.
Linda: My mom always says there's nothing in the world pudding can't cure. Except for my dad's obesity, which it's made exponentially worse.

Phil: They cost 200 tickets. Ted only gave us 20 for our presentation on mining planetary resources. Even though we talked for 10 minutes about mining Uranus without giggling.
Lem: (giggling) I know. You can't find hydrocarbons on a gas planet.

Veronica: Are you... petting me?
Ted: I'm moving your hair out of your eyes. It's something I do for everybody.
Veronica: My hair's in a bun. It can't get in my eyes. Unless you scalp me and throw the whole works back in my face.

Veronica: Actually, before you move on Arthur, you should know that he found some documents. And If you vote him off the board, he'll expose the company's worse secret. That's right. I'm saying that.
Chet: Wait a minute, he found out about the... thing?
Veronica: Yes. He knows all about... the thing.
Chet: Oh, God. If he knows about the thing, he must also know about the other thing, which would ruin the thing we all live on.
Ted: Apparently so, sir. I think he even knows about... the stuff.
Chet: That's okay, everybody knows about the stuff. But the thing, that's going to be a problem.

Veronica: Well, when the company decides it's my time to go, I just hope somebody stands up for me.
Ted: Well, don't worry. By then, the stuff will probably have gotten all of us.
Veronica: Don't joke about the stuff, Ted. It can tell and it doesn't like it.
Ted: This place is scary.
Veronica: Really? I'm just getting comfortable with it.

Phil: So what do we think of Ted and Linda kissing?
Lem: I'm for it. I like it when attractive people kiss.
Phil: Me, too. I like it when attractive people do anything. I was once knocked off my roller skates by a beautiful woman driving a bus. It was very pleasant.

Cultural References
Veronica: And while we're searching for Curly's gold, we can look around for where you lost your mind.

City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold has the three slickers searching for the treasure of their former guide, Curly.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorVictor Fresco
Executive ProducerVictor Fresco
Co-Executive ProducerJohn Hoberg  |  Tim Doyle  |  Kat Likkel  |  Michael Teverbaugh  |  Michael A. Ross
Associate ProducerLisa Iannone
Production DesignerDawn Snyder
EditorLance Luckey
CastingJill Anthony
First Assistant DirectorLeo Bauer
Staff WriterIngrid Escajeda
Costume DesignerBrandy Lusvardi
Transportation CoordinatorMike Paventi
Property MasterKevin Shaw (3)
Construction CoordinatorGreg Hamlin
Script SupervisorRebecca E. Asher
Script CoordinatorEve Weston
Assistant EditorJoan Wrzala
Post Production SupervisorJohn M. Myrick
Supervising Sound EditorRandy Thomas
Director of PhotographyBrian J. Reynolds
Story EditorElijah Aron  |  Audra Sielaff  |  Jordan Young
Costume SupervisorPatricia McLaughlin
Production AccountantSuzie Shimizu
Chief Lighting TechnicianDerrick Kolus
Department Head HairLorna A. Reid
Music ConsultantKevin Edelman
Original CastingSharon Klein
Production StaffChristopher Horan  |  Shel Gilbert  |  Kate A. Ross  |  Jason Suhrke  |  Rob Hoffman  |  James Gordon  |  Rick Glassman  |  Patrick Dunn  |  Nickole Doro  |  Oscar Sosa
Writing AssistantDevin Mahoney
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