Settings
Click Here To PrintBetter Off Ted Episode Guide
1 :01x01 - Pilot
Writer: Victor Fresco
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bamba)
Ted Crisp works at Veridian Dynamics in the research and development department and loves his job. However, Ted is taken aback when he learns the company has cryogenically frozen one of the scientists in his department.
2 :01x02 - Heroes
Writer: Victor Fresco
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Peter Spruyt (Jerome), Bill Stevenson (Lab Worker #1), Carla Jimenez (Lab Worker #2), Rizwan Manji (Male Office Worker)
Due to Phil's aftereffects from the cryogenic experiment, Veronica tries to get him to sign a waiver to protect Veridian from possible future litigation. Elsewhere, Phil and Lem try to create beef despite having no meat in the lab.
3 :01x03 - Through Rose Colored HAZMAT Suits
Writer: Justin Adler
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Richard Fancy (Mr. Campbell), Martha Boles (Lisa), Sean Christopher Davis (Jerry), Julian Bailey (Hal), Mason Lauderdale (Little Boy)
When Ted's nanny calls in sick, he is forced to take his daughter Rose to work where Veronica bonds with her. Meanwhile, Ted learns where he stands with Linda when her ex-boyfriend arrives in town.
4 :01x04 - Racial Sensitivity
Writer: Michael Glouberman
Director: Paul Lazarus
Guest star: Kristoffer Polaha (Don), Jonathon T. Floyd (Bert), Jesse Head (Stu)
Ted discovers Veridian has a problem when their new motion-sensor devices are unable to recognize black people.
5 :01x05 - Win Some, Dose Some
Writer: Jordan Young, Elijah Aron
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Rocky McMurray (General McMillan), Natalia Reagan (Mindy), Alison Robertson (Kathy), Bill Stevenson (Lonny)
Linda is exposed to Veridian's newest energy patch and suffers peculiar side effects. Meanwhile, Ted tries to convince Rose that competitiveness is good.
6 :01x06 - Goodbye Mr. Chips
Writer: Becky Mann, Audra Sielaff
Director: Michael Spiller
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bhamba), Chip Chinery (Ryan), Terry Rhoads (Chet), Patricia Belcher (Janet), Carla Jimenez (Patricia), Roger Narayan (Jim)
After his corporate ID is mislabeled, Ted is inadvertently deleted from Veridian's computer system when he tries to fix it. As he reapplies for his position to get back into the system, Linda tries to lead the team in his absence.
7 :01x07 - Get Happy
Writer: Michael Teverbaugh
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Merrin Dungey (Sheila), Richard McGonagle (Manny), Richard Riehle (Bob), Ernie Grunwald (Clark), Rizwan Manji (Rick), Chris Dotson (Joe), Vivian Bang (Debbie)
The company orders Veronica to get company morale up to improve productivity. While she unleashes an onslaught of compliments, Ted discover that not everyone totally likes him and sets out to address the issue.
8 :01x08 - You Are the Boss of Me
Writer: Dan O'Shannon
Director: Paul Lazarus
Guest star: Benjamin King (Gil), Abner Genece (Francis Groth)
Ted needs something to occupy his nights while Rose is out of town. He ends up joining Phil and Lem's Medieval Fight Club, but soon starts taking over. Meanwhile, Linda tries being Veronica's friend but soon discovers her boss starts taking over her life.
9 :01x09 - Bioshuffle
Writer: Michael A. Ross
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bhamba), Joy Osmanski (Lucy), Rizwan Manji (Rick), Tom R. Hughes (Brody), Ithamar Enriquez (Wallace)
A toxic leak in the workplace disrupts Veridian's smooth operations, and everyone deals with the resulting chaos.
10 :01x10 - Trust and Consequences
Writer: Michael Teverbaugh
Director: Lee Shallat-Chemel
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bhamba), Janet Varney (Female Lawyer), Jordan Murphy (Male Lawyer)
Veridian is sued for making a perfume that attracts hornets, and LInda is forced to take the blame. Meanwhile, Lem learns Phil's dark secret.
11 :01x11 - Father, Can You Hair Me?
Writer: Michael Glouberman
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Geoff Pierson (Elijah Palmer), Kevin Chamberlin (Ted's Father), Gary Rubenstein (Dr. Rosenbaum), Welton Thomas (Glenn)
The rivalry between Veronica and her father is impacted when he tells her a shocking piece of news. Meanwhile, Ted tries to impress his father by using himself as a test subject for a hair-growth formula.
12 :01x12 - Jabberwocky
Writer: Michael A. Ross
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Terry Rhoads (Chet), Rizwan Manji (Rick), Stefan Marks (Brett), Yuki Matsuzaki (Scientist #1), Keisuke Hoashi (Scientist #2)
To make Linda happy, Ted lies and tells her the company is going green, and then illicitly reroutes money to finance it. Now all he has to do is explain to Veronica where the money is going.
13 :01x13 - Secrets and Lives
Writer: Dan O'Shannon, Michael Teverbaugh
Director: Michael Spiller
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bhamba), Rachelle LeFevre (Rebecca), Mark Deklin (Mordor), Shantel Wislawski (Sabrina), Bill Parks (Ernie), Brady Matthews (Steve), Jennifer Landa (Kristi), Allen C. Liu (IT Guy), Stanley Ullman (Coffee Cart Guy)
A new image search engine reveals Veronica's secret life, forcing her to choose between her role as a CEO and her stage career. Meanwhile, Linda tries to set Ted up with a friend while deciding whether to move in with her boyfriend.
14 :02x01 - Love Blurts
Writer: John Hoberg, Kat Likkel
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Taye Diggs (Greg), Virginia Williams (Danielle), Rachel Andersen (Receptionist)
Veridian calculates who in the company is genetically compatible with in the hopes they'll breed better children and reduce health care costs. Linda and Ted vow not to give in but soon discover their perfect mates are... perfect. Meanwhile, Veronica wants Lem's perfect sperm, and Phil discovers the company wants him to have a vasectomy.
15 :02x02 - The Lawyer, The Lemur and the Little Listener
Writer: Tim Doyle
Director: Chris Koch
Guest star: Terry Rhoads (Chet), Chelsey Crisp (Nadine (Nadine Webson)), Christopher Hoffman (Jeffrey (Jeffrey Bouchard)), Matt Miller (Bert), Brandon Molale (Extraction Guy #1)
Veronica discovers that Rose knows all about company layoffs, thanks to her friends in her aftercare group. However, Ted becomes increasingly uncomfortable when Veronica uses the information to save her workers. Meanwhile, Linda tries to publish her first children's book but discovers she's unconsciously based her lemur character on Phil, and Lem discovers he has to pay by the hour to have sex with a company lawyer during business hours.
16 :02x03 - Battle of the Bulbs
Writer: Michael Shipley
Director: Marc Buckland
Guest star: Maz Jobrani (Dr. Bhamba), Terry Rhoads (Chet), Khandi Alexander (Stella Clifton), Mike Siegel (Executive #1), Jess Henecke (Guy (as Jesse Henecke))
Dr. Bhamba has an affair with Lem's mother Stella, a famous physicist who dislikes her son for selling out. While Lem deals with his issue, Ted has some issues of his own when the company overlooks him and embraces Linda's improvement on his long-lived long-life light bulb project.
17 :02x04 - It's Nothing Business, It's Just Personal
Writer: Victor Fresco
Director: Marc Buckland
Guest star: Mark Deklin (Mordor), Carla Jimenez (Patricia), Gary Rubenstein (Dr. Rosenbaum), Bill Stevenson (Lonny)
Ted reluctantly gets involved when Veronica loses sleep because of her boyfriend Mordor's energetic sex drive. Meanwhile, Lem gets a unique red lab coat and he and Phil try to puzzle out what it means... unaware that it means nothing.
18 :02x05 - The Great Repression
Writer: Audra Sielaff, Becky Mann
Director: Reginald Hudlin
Guest star: Merrin Dungey (Sheila), Jennifer Irwin (Denise), Jake Dogias (Alvin), Jerry Kernion (Keith), Zaid Farid (Steve), Christina Ferraro (Gail), Kristi Clainos (Erica), Wilmer Calderon (Carlos)
Cubicle worker Sheila mistakes Linda's comforting hug as sexual harassment, and files a lawsuit. When Ted tries to explain, things go badly and Sheila accuses him of sexual harassment as well. Veronica convinces the company to identify sexual harassment as a disease, but Ted and Linda refuse to be "treated." Meanwhile, Phil and Lem discover that retired robots are not sent to Veridian's "robot farm," and try to save a longtime working associate.
19 :02x06 - Beating a Dead Workforce
Writer: Ingrid Escajeda
Director: Marc Buckland
Guest star: Merrin Dungey (Sheila), Brad Raider (Perry), Warren Sweeney (Gordon Jenkins), Graham Norris (Johnny), Ed Hopkins (Narrator)
After an employee drops dead during a sleep system project on a tight deadline, Veridian uses his sacrifice to push everyone else to work harder. Ted objects when he realizes they're going to be working 14-hour days even after the current project wraps up. Linda decides to live in the moment, and Lem discovers that everyone thinks he was a friend of the dead man and decides to enjoy the attention.
20 :02x07 - Change We Can't Believe In
Writer: Elijah Aron, Jordan Young
Director: Lee Shallat-Chemel
Guest star: Chip Chinery (Ryan), Jeff Doucette (Mr. Krebs), Lydia Blanco (Sarah)
Ted has to deal with Ryan, an overly talkative security guard who won't leave Ted alone. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem are forced to work with Veronica directly for the first time, and Linda tries to befriend a co-worker who thinks she's needy.
21 :02x08 - The Impertence of Communicationizing
Writer: Michael Teverbaugh
Director: Michael Fresco
Guest star: Chris Parnell (Walter (Walter Palmer)), Patricia Belcher (Janet (Janet S. Crotum)), Vivian Bang (Debbie), Jake Dogias (Alvin (Alvin Pudburger)), Richard Robichaux (Mark), Malcolm Foster Smith (Water Guy)
Veridian inadvertently puts out a memo telling employees "now" to use offensive language. Chaos reigns while Ted decides to loosen up his image, Veronica feels guilty that she won a promotion over a typo, and Phil asks Lem to tutor him in the fine art of insults.
22 :02x09 - The Long and Winding High Road
Writer: Michael A. Ross
Director: Michael Spiller
Guest star: Kyle Bornheimer (Pete (Pete Gilroy)), Terry Rhoads (Chet), Carla Jimenez (Patricia), Martha Boles (Lisa), Leanne Wilson (Kathleen), Omi Vaidya (William)
Ted goes head-to-head with Pete, the leader of the Veridian's other development team, when they both are assigned to develop a magnetic levitation belt. Ted wants to take the high road, but Pete has no such concerns... and neither does Veronica, who recruits Linda and Rose. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem break the lab thermostat, but can't admit it without being penalized by the company.
23 :02x10 - Lust in Translation
Writer: Michael Shipley
Director: Lee Shallat-Chemel
Guest star: Stefanie Von Pfetten (Greta (Greta Schultz)), Rizwan Manji (Rick), Stefan Marks (Brett), Hans Tester (Hans (Hans Mueller)), Jeffrey Anthony (Carl (Carl Hoffman))
Ted tries to woo a German executive, but she insists on talking... and the only translator device available uses Phil's voice. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem wonder if they're really evil scientists, and Veronica is infuriated when she can't win a bagel-tossing game against Linda.
24 :02x11 - Mess of a Salesman
Writer: Tim Doyle
Director: Marc Buckland
Guest star: Eddie McClintock (Billy), Rick Hoffman (Mr. Page), Bill Stevenson (Lonnie), Stefan Marks (Brett (Brett Fleming)), Shirley Jordan (Mrs. Boudreaux), Glenn Taranto (Lou)
Ted makes the mistake of landing his lackadaisical brother Billy a job with Veridian's lab supply company. While Billy convinces Leb and Phil to buy lab equipment they don't need, Veronica unexpectedly embraces a charity program for girls.
25 :02x12 - It's My Party and I'll Lie If I Want To
Writer: Michael Teverbaugh
Director: Michael Spiller
Guest star: Terry Rhoads (Chet), Callie Thompson (Olivia), Danielle Soibelman (Hannah), Kaelyn Raye Lustig (Ava), Larry Udy (Man), Claudia Choi (Employee)
Veronica is suspicious that Ted might be using his daughter to bond with the boss in an effort to advance his career. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem tentatively start a friendship with Linda.
26 :02x13 - Swag the Dog
Writer: Michael A. Ross
Director: Lee Shallat-Chemel
Guest star: Merrin Dungey (Sheila), Terry Rhoads (Chet), Dakin Matthews (Arthur Wells), Rachelle Wood (Susan), Donald Li (Asian Man), Bill Stevenson (Lonnie), Adam Harrington (Jimmy), Richard Robichaux (Ritchie)
Phil and Lem embark on a quest to gain respect around the office, Veronica goes on a reluctant treasure hunt inside the Veridian building, and Ted has to confront rumors of staff favoritism.