Ivan Tiggs: By the way, Shirley, I’m having an affair.
Shirley: Ivan, you do not disappoint. You’ve been married four weeks.
Ivan Tiggs: Seemed like five.
Denny: Shirley, you’re my girl…. I rarely look at peoples faces other than my own, but your pallor was telling my something. Man trouble?
Shirley: Because of you, Paul didn’t keep his meeting with the building manager and Brad stiffed him. Now we don’t have elevator service before 7AM and I had to walk up fourteen flights of stairs, didn’t you?
Denny:I climb the stairs every morning. The elevator’s for Democrats.
Denny: Shirley, a supermarket doesn’t close because the cashier quit.
Denny: Yes, it does, Denny. Otherwise, people would just walk out with the food.
Judge Isabel Hernandez: We will reconvene in six weeks after the examination.
Alan: Six weeks? Your Honor, for Mrs. Freeman, that is a lifetime.
Judge Isabel Hernandez: And in the court system, that’s practically the speed of light.
(Bringing in the Hysterium Machine.)
Ivan Tiggs: God bless us. We found it.
Shirley: The antique, steam-powered, woman pleasing machine is always in the last place you look.
Ivan Tiggs: Denny, you’re here late.
Denny: I run the place.
Denny: So, who’s ass did you have kicked?
Alan: Someone who’s ass thoroughly needed it.
Alan: I wonder what I’m turning into?
Denny: Denny Crane.
Alan: I think I’m still a long ways away from that.
Denny: Don’t you worry. You’ll get there.
Ivan Tiggs: That’s what Katie and Matt say and they both have such trusting faces.
Katie and Matt are Katie Couric and Matt Lauer of NBC’s The Today Show.
Denny: Which I’m guessing is not a biography of Earl Monroe.
Earl Monroe was a professional basketball player that was called Earl “The Pearl” Monroe. Monroe played in the NBA from 1967-80 for the Baltimore Bullets and the New York Knicks.
Title: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Based off the movie of the same name starring Dick Van Dyke.