Alan: Jerry, litigation is more than knowledge of the law. It's about confidence, strategy, and... cheap theatrics.
Alan: Jerry, you're in luck. Mr. Koupfer is my favorite opposing council. He's smart, eloquent, a pleasure to watch, and every time I go up against him, he obligingly loses.
A.D.A. Douglas Koupfer: Your Honor, Mr. Shore knows full well that the case against Mr. Armus was thrown out.
Alan: Because of a faulty warrant and the incompetent twits in your office couldn't fix it.
Brad: I'll make a reservation for...
Brad: Eight it is.
Audrey: Great, sounds perfect. I'll meet you there and then afterward maybe we can go back to my apartment.
Brad: That sounds like a plan. We could review penile code.
Audrey: Great and I'll show you my vagina.
A.D.A. Douglas Koupfer: Ya know, Al, my only fear is that someone is gonna stab you before I get a chance to take you down.
Alan: Odds are you're right.
Alan: There's a reason Shakespeare and many after him said, "First, kill all the lawyers". They're talking about people like me, Jerry, not you.
Shirley: I feel like such a fool.
Denny: Ah, forget it. If anyone knows anything about being a fool, it's Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is, no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions, you always get to choose what you have for lunch.
Alan: Daily, I am amazed at your inexhaustible ability to just live.
Denny: It's either that or die.