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Boston Legal: Mad Cows

Alan Shore and Denny Crane sue the government when cattle rancher Carol Hober who, Crane believes, is the spitting image of actress Valerie Bertinelli -- accuses the USDA of not allowing her to test all of her cows for Mad Cow Disease, an affliction that's close to Denny's heart. But Denny continually irritates Carol when he tries to make her confess that she really is Valerie Bertinelli. Meanwhile, Jerry Espenson is up for partner at the firm, but his quirky social inadequacies could lead to his downfall with the firm's panel, which includes Paul Lewiston.

Source: ABC

Episode Info
Episode number: 5x7
Production Number: 5F07
Airdate: Monday November 03rd, 2008
Special Airtime: 10:01 pm
Special Runtime: 59 Minutes

Director: Steve Robin
Writer: David E. Kelley

Special Guest Stars
Rene AuberjonoisRene Auberjonois
As Paul Lewiston
Julie BowenJulie Bowen
As Denise Bauer

Guest Stars
Henry GibsonHenry Gibson
As Judge Clark Brown
Jim JansenJim Jansen
As Marshall Kennedy
Pamela DunlapPamela Dunlap
As Yellowstone
Steven Anderson (1)Steven Anderson (1)
As Walter Seymore
Ned VaughnNed Vaughn
As U.S.D.A. Rep Joel Beavis
Valerie BertinelliValerie Bertinelli
As Carol Hober
Main Cast
James SpaderJames Spader
As Alan Shore
William ShatnerWilliam Shatner
As Denny Crane
Candice BergenCandice Bergen
As Shirley Schmidt
Christian ClemensonChristian Clemenson
As Jerry Espenson
Tara SummersTara Summers
As Katie Lloyd
John LarroquetteJohn Larroquette
As Carl Sack
Episode Quotes
Denny Crane: I don't hear anything coming from Obama!
Alan Shore: You don't hear anything at all from John McCain! His own camp says, "Don’t talk about it. Instead,
we'll just go negative." It's despicable.
Denny Crane: Obama's gone negative
too! Playing the age card. Oh, and Obama loves to run those ads about McCain and the Keating Five! And that's the high ground? Change! Change! Change! Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Yes, we can!
Alan Shore: That bulldog in lipstick says Obama pals around with terrorists! It’s beneath gutter politics. It's shameful. Smear! Cynical, disgusting, smear! If this represents the direction he plans to lead us after eight years of the Bush administration while McCain's camp just spews out hate-filled demagoguery. Some maverick! Maverick! Maverick! Maverick! Maverick! Maverick! Maverick! (Denny takes his paintball gun out and shoots Alan on his leg)
Alan Shore: Ow!! You shot me!
Denny Crane: You’re damn right I did!
Alan Shore: Denny, that hurt me! For God's sake! (Alan turns to his desk as Denny walks away. Alan picks
up his own paintball gun and shoots Denny in the back
Denny Crane: Oh!! You got me in the back!
Alan Shore: That'll teach you!
(Denny shoots Alan on the forehead)
Alan Shore: Ow! Ow!
Denny Crane: All even now!
Alan Shore: You could have shot my eye out, you crazy…
Denny Crane: Don't ever raise a gun to me…

Alan Shore: My God, Denny, can you believe it? Election day is almost upon us?
Denny Crane: You gonna vote?
Alan Shore: Of course I'm gonna vote! Aren't you?
Denny Crane: Never missed a presidential election, and I'm usually right too. I have been on the winning side eight times out of the last eleven.
Alan Shore: That's impressive. Also an uncanny coincidence since eight out of the last eleven have also gone Republican.

Denny Crane: Women are easier during a Republican administration. It's a fact, during Democratic regimes
volunteerism goes up. And you get a lot of women running around for this cause, or that. And they start to think
that they have something to say! Republicans tend to reinforce the idea that a woman's place is in the home. And on her back. And I'm not even taking into account all the women that will be depressed if McCain wins. Sad girls are easy girls. I don't need to tell you they're vulnerable. Salmon and women, Alan! In the end it's all about spawning. Drill, baby, drill. You vote your values.

Alan Shore: So we're not gonna talk about it?
Denny Crane: What?
Alan Shore: Who we voted for?
Denny Crane: I know who you voted for.
Alan Shore: And you?
Denny Crane: Finish your drink. I've already crossed my aisle today.

Cultural References
Jerry Espenson: It's not an ultimatum! It's a fact! If he walks, I walk. Alan Shore might too! Maybe even Carl, who know? We could do a spinoff! Don't think we haven't been approached already. Hell, it's not like you want the bunch of us anyway. The network sure doesn't.

This references to ABC's lack of support and enthusiasm for the show, and the potential of another spinoff of the series.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorDavid E. Kelley
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