Xander: Well, what else do you wanna do? We already played rock, paper, scissors. My hands cramped up.
Willow: Well, yes, if you're always scissors, of course your tendons are gonna strain.
Xander: (calls out to Giles) Yo! G-man! What's up?
Giles: Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that.
Willow: What did you do last night?
Buffy: Mm. Slept. I had weird dreams.
Xander: Dreams are meaningful.
Willow: Tsh! Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, I-it wasn't Xander. I-in fact it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it.
Buffy: I bet she doesn't.
Cordelia: Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?
Willow: Uh, yes! Our own personal demons.
Xander: Uh, such as - as - as lust and, uh, thrift!
Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open; sound is coming from it. This is never good.
Xander: It's, see, we can't mention that stuff in front of other people, Buffy being the Slayer and all.
Willow: You haven't been talking about our little adventure all summer, have you?
Cordelia: Are you nuts? Do you think I would tell people that I spent the whole evening with you? Besides, it was all so creepy. That Master guy? And all the screaming? I don't even like to think about it. So your secret's safe with me.
Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.
Xander: Now, that was a good insult.
Willow: A little too good.
Willow: Buffy's never acted like this before. Ever since she got back she's... different.
Xander: Buffy's always been different.
Willow: She's never been mean.
Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is?
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A "bitca"?
Snyder: There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five.
Snyder: That Summers girl. I smell trouble, I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail.
Buffy: (about The Master) We were close. We killed each other. It really promotes togetherness.
Buffy: This is Cordelia's. (reads) "Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal."
Xander: They're gonna cook her dinner? (pauses) I'll pretend I didn't say that.
Willow: Well, what about the rest of the note?
Buffy: What rest of the note?
Willow: The part that says, "P.S., this is a trap."
Buffy: (to Angel) You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say "Undead American"?
Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Ms. Calendar: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
Ms. Calendar: Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat: the stains.
Cordelia: I hear ya.
Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school.
Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the - the worst mistake you'll ever make. Uh, that wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be.
Xander: So we Bronzin' it tonight?
Willow: Wednesday is kinda beat.
Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.