Anya: Xander? If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second, no, the red one and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left. But then you don't leave. Like that, okay?
Xander: Check. Big bomb clock.
Anya: Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em, you start going, "my goodness, young lady, maybe you're doing something wrong here, too."
Buffy: Don't talk about the books again. You get all... and sometimes there's drool.
Buffy: I know, it's just that I trust these Watchers about at far as... you could throw them.
Giles: Thank you very much.
Tara: I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic... unless you're English.
Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Xander: Hey, how goes the slaying?
Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night.
Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff.
Buffy: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.
Anya: Did you hurt the money? Money good? She endangered the money!
Willow: Of course, that's what she cares about. "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
Anya: Xander, she's pretending to be me!
Willow: (about Olaf) He's not a ball of sunshine.
Buffy: The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. "The first five rows will get wet."
Willow: Giles can be an idiot. The smart kind, but still.
Olaf: You do well to flee, townspeople. I will pillage your lands and dwellings. I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters.
Xander: They get in these fights and they're both looking at me like I'm the referee. Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow will get this look, this, uh, "what the hell do you see in her" look.
Spike: I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know?
Xander: Well, she was insane.
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy, or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
Olaf: You there! Do you know where there are babies?
Spike: (turns to Xander) What do you think, the hospital?
Xander: What? Shut up.
Olaf: I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience.
Xander: Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the sturdier chairs, and we could have a calm talk and something to eat.
Olaf: Can it be babies?
Xander: Well, not so much.
Xander: But maybe some roast pigs, and stags, and much hearty grog.
Spike: They've got this onion thing...
Xander: Big guy? Hammer? Think I noticed him.
Willow: I wish Buffy was here.
Buffy: I'm here.
Willow: I wish I had a million dollars. Just checking.
Xander: You dated him?
Buffy: You dated a troll?
Willow: And we're, what, surprised by this?
Buffy: What are you doing?
Spike: Making this woman more comfortable. I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. I mean, look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. I knew you wouldn't like it.
Buffy: You want credit for not feeding off bleeding disaster victims?
Spike: Well, yeah.
Buffy: You're disgusting.
(Buffy walks away)
Spike: What's it take?
Willow: I'm taking everything on relocation spells, suspension spells and, what the heck, spells to make him really sleepy, because - slightly better.
Anya: How can I help?
Willow: Uh, distract him from Buffy. Uh, piss him off.
Anya: I don't know how.
Willow: Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.
Anya: Your menacing stance is merely mildly alarming and your roar is less than full-throated!
Olaf: Desist! My God, woman, it's been a thousand years and, yet, you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were.
Giles: I cringe to think what the place would've looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
Buffy: Well, maybe we would've had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
Giles: Yes, because nothing could possibly go wrong with that.