Buffy: (to Dawn) So, do you have plans later, or are you just gonna go down to the docks and wait for the fleet to come in?
Spike: I'll go. This can't work.
Buffy: It will. It already is. Okay, you know, you've been out of the basement for half an hour, and you've already stopped talking to invisible people.
Buffy: OK, so there was that one episode in the car, but -
Spike: No, bollocks to the whole thing. I don't need your mollycoddling.
Buffy: It's not coddling. Now go to your closet.
Anya: Well, I guess you guys could use my help. Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing... except when she's evil. And Dawn-- she's not really good for anything.
Xander: It's the jacket. It's true. Something about the big letter on the chest makes girls get all swoony and crushy. I saw it all the time in school. And you couldn't just pin any old felt letter to your coat and get play... Not that I tried.
Xander: Well, Spike definitely seems a little more cogent, less bl-bl-bl-bl-bl. I'm just saying... once you get back the soul, doesn't that mean you start, like, picking up your own wet towels off the floor?
Willow: No, but maybe you start to feel really bad about leaving them there.
Buffy: At least he's showering, and that's a refreshing and delightful change.
Buffy: I think that's the guy.
Willow: What guy?
Buffy: The one who, according to Dawn, is the quote smartest, funniest, coolest, hottest, and having the thickest boy eyelashes boy in school unquote.
Buffy: I betrayed you? You're the one that constructed this elaborate fantasy about you and my lover.
Dawn: Your lover? Your lover!
Willow: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find.
Anya: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell... spell.
Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman - and he isn't.
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it.
Willow: But you don't even know him!
Anya: Yes, I do. I looked into him and saw his soul.
Willow: He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass -
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Anya: It was a spell. You were helpless. We're not responsible for anything we did morally or, you know, legally...
Xander: True. You fell for a mystical, ancient curse. Who hasn't made that mistake seven, eight times?
Dawn: . I mean, none of it makes sense. First you say Spike disgusts you, but secretly you two are doing it like bunnies. And then Spike says he'd die for you, but he tries to rape you.
Buffy: For the record, Spike knew how wrong it was. That's why he went away.
Dawn: But to get a soul? Like that would make him a better man? Xander had a soul when he stood Anya up at the altar. And now he says he still wants her? I just don't think it's the school basement that's making people crazy.
Buffy: I should really get back. You coming with?
Dawn: I just don't see why people bother. I mean, you put all this energy into chasing and having and brooding and— I just don't understand these relationships where you all do insane things.
Buffy: Bye, rant girl.
Principal Wood: How about if you try doing your own homework for a change? No more getting these young, impressionable women to do it for you. Avoid detention, R.J. Sound good?
Principal Wood: Oh, sweet infectious enthusiasm.
Xander: Dawn? What's wrong? Is this...Did that guy in the jacket...
Dawn: Uh! I don't even want to hear his name anymore!
Xander: I just called him "that guy in the jacket".
Dawn: That's what I used to call him in my head before I knew his real name!
(Xander walks in on RJ and Buffy)
R.J.: Hey, guy. It's called knocking.
Xander: I'm sorry. It's just checkout time was an hour ago. We were hoping to make up the bed. Also, it's a classroom, you chowder-head! Now get off the boy, Buffy. We're going home.
Buffy: Dawn, please stop crying. Please? Crying isn't going to make his love for me go away, you know.
Xander: (to Buffy) Listen, you're under a love spell. That's what this has to be.
Buffy: You're right. He's right. You're under a spell. Oh, poor little Dawnie.
Willow: Hey, Anya, you never told us what you can't believe you almost.
Anya: Almost who, now?
Willow: No, you can't be the only not embarrassed one. What did you do?
Anya: I, uh, wrote a poem. An epic poem... comparing him to a daisy and a tower and a lake.
Radio Announcer: And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit who is still at large. A masked thief held up a number of large businesses—
Anya: (quickly turns off radio) Okay, great, ice cream. My treat.