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Cheers: Give Me a Ring Sometime

The series begins as an over-educated Diane Chambers enters the Cheers bar with her fiance/boss, Literature Professor Sumner Sloane, for a quick drink while he makes a phone call to get his mother's wedding ring from his ex-wife. But when Sumner goes to his ex-wife's house to get the family ring for Diane, his relationship with her gets rekindled. Upon his return, he tells Diane that he has no intention of leaving her, and returns once more to get the ring he was supposed to get the first time. This time, he ends up taking his ex-wife to the Barbados to get (re)married, abandoning Diane without a word.

A crushed Diane is left jobless, with few prospects, and finds that a waitress job at Cheers may be the right thing for her.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x1
Production Number: 001
Airdate: Thursday September 30th, 1982

Guest Stars
John RatzenbergerJohn Ratzenberger
As Cliff Clavin
Michael McGuireMichael McGuire
As Professor Sumner Sloane
Erik HollandErik Holland
As Swedish customer
Main Cast
Ted DansonTed Danson
As Sam Malone
Shelley LongShelley Long
As Diane Chambers
Nicholas ColasantoNicholas Colasanto
As Ernie "Coach" Pantusso
Rhea PerlmanRhea Perlman
As Carla Lozupone Tortelli LeBec
George WendtGeorge Wendt
As Norm Peterson
Episode Notes
The Charles brothers won an Emmy for this episode.

Episode Quotes
Teenager: How about a beer, Chief?

(looking at what is clearly a fake ID)
Sam: Ahhh, a military ID! First Sgt. Walter Kelly, born 1944. That makes you thirty-eight. You must've fought in Vietnam.
Teenager: Oh, yeah!!
Sam: What was it like?
Teenager: Gross.
Sam: Yeah, that's what they say: War is 'gross'... I'm sorry, soldier.
Teenager: This is the thanks we get...!

Diane: Sumner this is crazy!
Sumner: Diane, we're about to be married...
Teenager: (still trying to cage a drink somehow) Married! Congratulations! Why don't we celebrate with a drink?
Sumner: (looking at his obvious youth, if nothing else. Amused by his audacity) I think not.
Teenager: I give it six months!
Sumner: Perhaps we won't have children right away...

Diane: (having answered the phone in the bar) Someone named Vicki
Sam: (mouth full, mumbles) Mno, mno, mno, mno!!
Diane: No. She knows you're here. I told her you're here.
(Sam, mouth still full, uses his fingers to "walk away", indicating what to tell her)
Diane: Now, Look! (Sam shakes his head, 'please?')
Diane: (back to phone) I'm sorry, I was wrong, he had to step out.... (hearing the response) Where? Ah, well, ah, I think what happened is, he, ahhhh....
(Sam puts up a napkin like a bib and mimes getting his hair cut)
Diane: He had to go to mime class!

Diane: Yes, yes, I'll take a message.... You're welcome...(hands him the phone after the hang-up)
Sam: Well?
Diane: "You're a magnificent pagan beast."
Sam: Thanks. What's the message?

Sumner: I looked up from my Proust. She had her nose in her Yeats. I said to myself I would be crazy to let this girl get out of my life.

Diane: Now listen I didn't like doing that.
Sam: I'm sorry, if I didn't own this place I'd fire me on the spot. For lying for me, I'll buy you your first drink.
Diane: (softens, recalling why she and her fiance came in) Oh... I'd like a bottle of your best champaigne!
Sam: It wasn't that great a lie...

Sumner: I would appreciate it if you would keep an eye on her.
Sam: For you Sumner old man, I'll keep both my eyes on her.

Diane: Sumner, am I stupid to let you go see a woman you were once in love with?
Sumner: Oh, my darling, I'm leaving you alone in a bar. Which one of us is stupider, Sam?
Sam: Too close to call.

Diane: Um, listen, you don't have to make conversation with me. Nothing personal, but I'm not in the habit of talking with bartenders.
Sam: Ah, I understand. One's trying to move into my neighborhood.

Coach Ernie: (seeing Diane sitting at the bar and reading, all by her self) I hope no one told you the bus goes by here...
Sam: No, Coach, she's going to be sitting here for a while...
Diane: (tapping her glass rather rudely for attention) AAhhh. Excuse me. I hate to keep asking for special attention, but could you not discuss my private life with everyone that comes in?
Sam: What would you like me to tell them?
Diane: I don't care.
Sam: (to Ernie) She's a hooker!

(Having just come on-shift, stopping at the sight of Diane sitting there primly with her luggage ready for flying to Barbados to be married).
Carla: Woah!! I love to see a woman who isn't afraid to take her luggage out for a drink!

Sam: How you doing, Norm? What do you know?
Norm: Not enough.

Ernie: No, I mean it! He was the very best! As sure as the earth is round!
Sam: You don't believe that, Coach.
Ernie: No I never used to believe it, Sam, until I saw those pictures from the Space Shuttle...

Carla: How long is the wimp convention in town?

Diane: (about Sam) You were a drunk?
Coach: Are you kidding? He was a great drunk! Anything that kid did he was great.
Sam: I was not a great drunk. I was a good drunk.

Diane: Excuse me, where is your bathroom?
Coach: (cluelessly) Next to my bedroom.
Sam: (knowing what she means, points) Down the hall.

Coach: (answering the phone) Cheers!... (to crowd) Is there an Ernie Pantusso here?
Sam: That's you Coach.
Coach: Speaking!

Carla: You know there's a group over there arguing about the sweatiest movie ever made?
Norm: The what?
Carla: What movie did people sweat the most in?
Norm: That's easy (shouting to the group) Rocky II!
Cliff: No, no, not even close. (shouting) Body Heat! Sweat city.
Patron: (shouting) Ben Hur! The boys in that galley sweat like pigs.
Norm: That's right. Alien. (shouting) Alien!
Diane: This is the night before my wedding and I'm in the middle of a sweat contest.

Diane: Oh, Sumner, I'm so glad to see you. (with obvious distaste) I've been sitting here listening to these men argue over the sweatiest movie ever made.
Sumner: Cool Hand Luke.
(several bar patrons shout and nod agreement)

Sumner: I can't fly to Barbados when I'm this confused.
Diane: Sumner, it's okay. The pilot knows the way.

(after he's come back concerned about his confusion regarding his feelings for his ex-wife, and is going back to her to get the heirloom wedding ring he was supposed to get the previous trip)
Diane: Sumner?
Sumner: Yes?
Diane: How about a kiss?
Sumner: Maybe, I'll play it by ear.

Ernie: I'm off, Sam. Home to my book.
Sam: Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?
Ernie: Yeah, going on six years, now. I've just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You're writing a novel?
Ernie: No, reading one.

Coach: You're in here every night, doesn't your wife ever wonder where you're at?
Norm: Wonders.... doesn't care, but she wonders.

Sam: What are you qualified to do?
Diane: Nothing.

Cultural References
Diane and Sumner: "Come live with me, and be my love / And we will some new pleasures prove"

These are the first two lines of John Donne's The Bait.

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