Abed: I have to make some adjustments to my film. Jeff, I think you should play the role of my father.
Jeff: I don't want to be your father.
Abed: Perfect. You already know your lines.
Abed: I'm interested in making movies, but my dad says all media is Western propaganda that negatively stereotypes Arabs.
Troy: You should see Aladdin. Jafar was a badass!
Professor Whitman: Only when we stop stopping our lives can we begin to start starting them.
Professor Whitman: Death, so cold, is a thing that makes man weep. And yet, a third of life is spent in sleep.
Britta: Raising him means letting him follow his dreams.
Abed's Dad: Dreams are for sleeping.
Britta: You don't know that!
Abed's Dad: It's clinically-proven!
Britta: So is polio!
Abed's Dad: You lost me!
Jeff: Hey, Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: And how about I pound you like a boy? Oh, that didn't come out right.
Jeff: Goooood morning, Professor Whitman!
Jeff is referencing the catchphrase "Gooooood morning, Vietnam!" from the 1987 film Good Morning, Vietnam.
"Shazbot" was the curse word used by Mork, an alien from the Planet Ork, in Mork & Mindy