Russell Brand: (dramatically) I am a genuine actor!

Russell Brand: When I met the Queen, I sort of like… I had to subjugate a peculiar urge within myself, because, you know, she may be a queen - that she may well be - but she's also buxom in the boob department.

(After comparing surfing to sex)
Susan Casey: Do you surf?
Conan O'Brien: No, I don't.
Susan Casey: Yeah, well, the answer to that would be basically..
Conan O'Brien: I've had sex though. (holds up three fingers; whispering) Three times!

(Regarding their separate vacations in India)
Conan O'Brien: Then I think 4, 5 days later, I found out that you and Katy, I think, got married at the same place that I was staying!
Russell Brand: Yeah..
Conan O'Brien: Wonderful, fantastic. I thought I might've caused you to be married.
Russell Brand: I think, indirectly, you did.
Conan O'Brien: Really?
Russell Brand: There was certainly an aura there of great warmth, of celtic charm.. As much as we were being married beneath the eyes of God, I felt also a gingery arc of red hair.. Was above us, blessing our wedding.

The episode's title, The Equinox Equinox, is a reference to the Equinox; the tilt of the Earth's axis, inclining neither away from or towards the sun.