Reid: Gideon... there are people actually taking photographs of us from the next yard.
Detective Owen Kim: Welcome to L. A.
Reid: (to Lila) This model frequently concludes itself with one of two possibilities - either the stalker will kill himself or... he'll kill the object of his affection.
Reid: You should also probably change all your phone numbers.
Lila Archer: I'm unlisted.
Reid: Any time you call an 800 number or an 888 number, your phone number's put into a databank that's been sold to telemarketers. If someone gets your cellphone number, they can go online and research all your records.
Lila Archer: Hanging out with you can be really depressing!
(Lila laughs after pulling Reid into the swimming pool)
Reid: Yes, very funny. Laugh it up, Lila. Hilarious.
Reid: (trying to explain why he's soaking wet) I, uh... fell in.
Elle: Yeah and I'm sure there's plenty of photos of it.
Morgan: Hey, shut up with the "whoa"!
Garcia: (answering phone) Oracle of Quantico. Speak if you deign to hear truth.
Lila Archer: I wish, um... things had been... more normal... when we had met.
Reid: Lila... believe me when I say this - I've never known a normal day in my entire life!
Gideon: Bernard Shaw once said: "An American has no sense of privacy. He does not know what it means. There is no such thing in the country."
Gideon: Diane Arbus once said: "A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know."
Parker Dunley: (to Reid) Look at you, ohhh! Ohh, you look just the same! Ha ha! Look at you, dude, nothing changed! (to Gideon) Spencer was the only 12-year-old in our graduating class. Just the same!
Reid: Do I look twelve years old to you?
Pinky Robertson: (to Gideon) If I weren't a lesbian, I'd jump your bones. I've always had this thing for middle-aged men and you have these piercing, discerning eyes which remind me of my father who was a shrink and I'm like, "God, I am sooo hot."
Lila Archer: I'm Lila.
Reid: (stuttering) Hi, I'm, err, Doctor Spencer Re-Reid, you-you, um, I'm Spencer, you don't have to... call me Doctor.
Reid: We psychoanalyse crime scenes in order to gain a better understanding of the criminal who might have committed the crime.
Lila Archer: Psychoanalyse, huh? You doing that to me right now?
Reid: What? No. I'm not psychoanalysing you, I'm just...
Lila Archer: (laughing) I'm kidding.
Detective Owen Kim: In English?
Reid: That is English, actually. Uhh, we're discussing the verb tenses of...
Morgan: (cutting Reid off) Reid. Reid.
Gideon: Our stalker sounds like someone she knows.
Reid: Based on the tense of the verb.
Lila Archer: (taking Reid's Coke out of his hand) You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
(Lila goes off to shoot her scene as Morgan enters near Reid)
Morgan: (imitating Lila) You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Reid: Shut up.
(Reid walks off)
Morgan: Go get 'em, lover. Hahaha.
Lila Archer: Go get a suit in the house.
Reid: What?! No! I'm not gonna grab a suit! Are you kidding me?! No!
Lila Archer: Join me.
Reid: No, I'm not gonna join you!
Lila Archer: Why not?
Reid: You're being pursued by a psychotic killer who shoots people in the head!
(Reid is begging Lila to get out of the swimming pool)
Lila Archer: Really, Spence, you should live a little.
Reid: Live a little?! I've known you 48 hours, I feel like I've already aged ten years!
Lila Archer: Ohh, I can't be that bad.
Reid: Yes! No, you-you are that bad!
Morgan: (laughing) Night, Hollywooood!
Reid: Come on, man.
Morgan: You know, Reid. You're lucky they didn't get a shot of you next to the pool trying to dry your gun - you looked like a wet rat.
(Reid shakes his head)
Morgan: Hey? I was playin'.
Reid: You know, she probably only liked me because I was there to protect her...
Morgan: Reid. You were her hero.
Reid: Yeah, I wanted to think that...
Morgan: Nonono, don't go selling yourself short, kid. You took down an armed subject without firing a shot. You saved her life. That's pretty much a hero in my book.
Morgan: There's some things you can't control even with that big ol' brain of yours. No harm, no foul. Let it go.
Reid: Hey, Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for more than, you know, just one night?
Morgan: Excuse me?
Reid: I-I-I've never seen you... with the same girl twice.
Morgan: Wha', you calling me a dog?