Dirk: As I explained when we spoke on the phone, my methods of detection are based on an almost unswerving belief in the fundamental interconnectedness of all things. As anyone who follows the principles of quantum mechanics to their logical extremes cannot help but accept. Ah, that's lovely tea.
Ruth Jordan: Thank you.
Dirk: My methods invariable necessitate a variety of expense. That to the untrained eye may appears somewhat tangential. I assure you, these expenses are essential and non-negotiable, and payable in advance, naturally.
Ruth Jordan: I see you're charging me for the purchase of a new refrigerator.
Dirk: I no longer have access to my old refrigerator.
Receptionist: I only came back to make sure you notice me when I finally leave for good.
Richard: Nice fridge.
Dirk: My cleaner has padlocked the fridge in my flat. We are engaged in a standoff from which neither of us is prepared to back down. It is the Cold War writ small.
Richard: So how on earth did you end up becoming a private detective?
Dirk: Have you heard of Schrödinger's Cat?
Richard: Should I have?
Dirk: It's an experiment devised by the eminent Dr. Schrödinger to investigate probability.
Richard: I'm guessing it involves a cat?
Dirk: Yeah. You take said cat and you place it in a sealed box along with a small lump of radioactive material, and a vial of mildly poisonous gas. Within a given period of time, there's an exactly 50/50 chance that an atom in the radioactive lump will decay and emit an electron, triggering the release of the gas, rendering the cat unconscious.
Richard: Is that even ethical?
Dirk: Some would say not. Anyhow, on one occasion, Dr. Schrödinger and his colleagues opened the box and discovered that the cat was neither conscious nor unconscious, but was in fact... completely missing. I was called in to investigate. I was quickly able to deduce that the cat had merely got fed up with repeatedly being locked in the box, and occasionally gassed, and took the first opportunity to hoof it out the window. Bernice... that was the cat's name. Bernice came running, and was restored to the box that very afternoon. One thing led to another, it all culminated in the thriving career you see before you.
Dirk: Now, it seems that Dr. Gerstenberger was the last person to see Gordon Way. We must track him down.
Richard: Right. And how we going to do that? Suppose we're going to follow the web of interconnected events?
Dirk: Don't be ridiculous, MacDuff. I'm going to phone Directory Inquiries.
Dirk: Do you not find it at all curious that both Gordon Way and Henry the Cat disappeared on the same day?
Richard: You think that Gordon Way is somehow involved with Henry?
Dirk: I know nothing of Gordon Way's... sexual proclivities, feline or otherwise.
Dirk: I find men with mustaches to be particularly dishonorable beings. Hitler, Tom Selleck being cases in point.
Ruth Jordan: Do you think he has something to do with Henry going missing?
Dirk: I would have to say yes, and that every particle in the universe effects, however faintly and obliquely, every other particle. I find this to be particularly true when those particles are arranged in the form of a cat.
DI Gilks: Why are you even in the vicinity of one of my crime scenes, Gently? And think very carefully before you answer, because if you so much as mention the "interconnectedness of all things," I'll have you arrested under the anti-terror laws.
Dirk: Actually, I'm looking for a cat.
Dirk: I fear Susan may be in grave danger.
Richard: What, little old Ruth?
Dirk: Well, perhaps "grave" is pushing it. I fear Susan may be in an indeterminate amount of danger.
Richard: But still dangerous.
Dirk: Indeterminately so.