Richard: Well, then we should call the bomb squad, that's what they do, they defuse bombs. If you think it's a bomb, we should call the bomb squad.
Dirk: I'm thinking maybe the local bomb squad has sent it to me. Accidentally kill a man's wife and there's a 30% chance he'll be forever grateful. Accidentally combust a man's sniffer dog and he'll never forgive you.
Dirk: My experience, the people who believe they can be murdered by the Pentagon are invariably not the people who get murdered by the Pentagon.
Kate: I don’t want to seem to be undermining the police. Can you be discrete, Mr. Gently?
Dirk: I stake my reputation on it. In fact, I’ve been known to be so discrete that even my clients doubt I’m working on their case.
Richard: Think it’s possible for us to visit a crime scene without you treating it like a one-man buffet?
Dirk: I believe Mr. Edwards’ days of requiring a mint to suck on are well and truly behind him.
Janice Pearce: There’s a woman here to see you.
Dirk: Then show her in.
Richard: What are you doing?
Janice Pearce: You show her in!
Dirk: How can I show her in when I’m already in myself?!?
Richard: Mr. Reynolds hired you? So now we’re charging two clients to investigate the same case? That must go against our code of conduct. Do we have a code of conduct? Of course we don’t, it’s you.
Dirk: Now, the two cases are undoubtedly connected, as all things are, but they are not the same case. As is clearly demonstrated by the fact that they have separate files. And they are both inexplicably linked to Mr. Edwards. As clearly demonstrated by the fact they reside in the same filing cabinet.
Richard: Why are we here? How is this getting us any closer to Mr. Edwards’ killer?
Dirk: Well, that’s the beauty of holistic detection, McDuff. We’re getting closer even when it appears we’re moving further away.
Terence Brown: Pipes burst in my flat, the whole place is flooded. I’m sorry, I really have to go.
Dirk: I’m surprised that your horoscope wasn’t able to predict such an unfortunate calamity.
Terence Brown: Has anyone told you you’re an annoying prick?
Richard: Yeah, he gets that a lot.
Richard: We’re not going to the police, are we?
Dirk: No, we’re following that white car.
Richard: Of course we’re following that white car. In an emergency, follow a white car. Why are we following a white car?
Dirk: Because it looks like it knows where it’s going. Zen navigation. The goats are untethered and traveling in some style!
Janice Pearce: That crazy horoscope guy is here to see you.
Dirk: Then show him in.
Janice Pearce: You show him in!
Dirk: I believe we have already discussed my inability to show someone in when I am already in myself!
Richard: Could we please just pay her wages?
Dirk: If we pay her wages, McDuff, then she will no longer turn up to work in the futile hope that we will someday pay her wages. Do I have to think of everything?
Oliver Reynolds: I can smell Brie.
Dirk: It makes a handy portable snack. I find Brie to be among the least controversial of cheeses.
Dirk: I believe we are having the sort of day that would make even Mother Theresa kick babies.