Richard: Sorry about that. Staff issues.
DI Gilks: That's perfectly fine. She works for Gently, she deserves a medal.
Janice Pearce: Thank you!
Richard: What are you looking for?
Dirk: I have the strangest feeling the solution to this case is to be found on the beach of another country. Preferably one with no extradition treaty.
Richard: But what about... the business?
Dirk: McDuff, I have taught you all I know about avoiding bills. It's time for my little bird to fly the nest.
Melinda Fulstone: I mean, of course, there's always the worry that something about me put him off women for life.
Dirk: Miss Fulstone, the idea that you could ever put a man off of intercourse with females is, frankly, ludicrous.
Melinda Fulstone: Oh, that's very sweet of you to say.
Dirk: Mainly because sexual preference is now commonly held to be a genetic predisposition. Chances are he was never truly attracted to you in the first place. Or he could be bisexual.
Melinda Fulstone: Well, you've certainly given me a lot to think about.
Dirk: I mean for the last month, I have been secretly observing Miss Fulstone as part of a scientific experiment.
Richard: You're the stalker?
Dirk: I prefer the term "covert experimenter."
DI Gilks: Listen, Gently, you are many things. Many, many annoying and incompetent things. But you're not a killer. At least, not intentionally. I'm sure that your blithering ineptitude will kill someone one day, but, you know, not with this level of skill. This... is the work of a professional.
Richard: You know, I always wondered what it would take to get you to actually pay for something. I guess I now know. Broken finger and death threats from mobsters.
Janice Pearce: They sound like my kind of people.
Dirk: Thank you, Janice.
Richard: What are you doing now?
Dirk: I'm trying to find a new cleaner. You've seen my place, it's a tip.
Richard: People are dying. Maybe we should sort out that little problem first.
Dirk: When a man loses sight of his carpet, he's no longer a man.
DI Gilks: Now, most people, they don't get a second chance like this, Gently. I implore you--please--mess it up.
Dirk: I shall endeavor to disappoint you.
DI Gilks: Having a bit of a clear-out?
Dirk: No, I'm--this is a feng shui approach I'm trying. Clear office, clear mind.
DI Gilks: Clear bank account.
Dirk: You can't leave. I need you, McDuff.
Richard: You need me?
Dirk: No--that is to say, you--you are the grit around which the pearl of truth often forms. Your plain-speaking everyman perspective is a useful counterpoint...
Richard: No, no, no, don't ruin it.
Dirk: And you're--you're a very good sounding board for my more outlandish theories.
Richard: You mean you think better when you're showing off.
Dirk: See, there you go. Coming straight to the heart of the matter.
Dirk: Rosa Elchenko, hired assassin. Code name, "The Cleaner."
Richard: Your cleaner's codename was "The Cleaner"?
Dirk: I know. These cold-blooded killers, no imagination.
Dirk: A series of bizarre frauds have been committed by a man with extreme body odor. I suspect him of using pheromonal influence
Richard: Pheromonal what-what?
Dirk: Oh, come on, McDuff. Surely you're didn't tell me you didn't know about the power of pheromones? It's why most of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies don't wash.
Richard: You're making this up.
Dirk: No, listen, it's scientific fact. An unwashed armpit can make all the difference. Anywhere from a back-alley knife fight to a high-powered board meeting. It just gives that little extra edge.
Richard: Well, it certainly explains your personal hygiene.
Dirk: This isn't odor, McDuff, it's armor.
Richard: It's certainly strong, I'll give you that.