Episode Quotes
Topher: Everybody wants to be righteous when they can afford it.
Ivy: Even Topher Brink?
Topher: This feeling, it is not unlike pride.
Ballard: Are you Stephen Kepler?
Stephen Kepler: Okay. Hi. Uh, what was that name again?
Ballard: Stephen Kepler—is that you?
Stephen Kepler: Well, there’s a lot of aspects to that question.
Stephen Kepler: You know, I care about my carbon footprint, but most people out there… making carbon snow angels.
Stephen Kepler: We go in there, then we’re in there. There’s… There’s more people in there. I’m not good with people.
Ballard: They’re not people.
Stephen Kepler: I’m not good with that sentence either.
Stephen Kepler: They told me this was going to be a new Eden.
Ballard: Eden wasn’t a prison.
Stephen Kepler: What, are you kidding? The apples were monitored. Plus they didn’t have a steam room that could recirculate human sweat and put it right back…
(Ballard tasers Topher)
Stephen Kepler: What the hell was that? Is that some kind of like joy-buzzer stun gun? I mean, officially, I deplore violence, but that was totally worth the loss of karma points.
(seeing the Dollhouse)
Stephen Kepler: All right, would you look at this place! I mean, first of all, feng shui up the ying yang. Also, I designed parts of it, but I did not design the stone-cold foxes in the small clothes, and the ample massage facilities. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I heart my porn, but this is cool.
Ballard: This is a bad place.
Stephen Kepler: Bad people, maybe. Good place.
Ballard: What are you doing?
Stephen Kepler: The best I can, Mr. I stun-all-my-problems.