Dr. Sanjay Rajapaksa: Your pre-op exam looks promising.
Eli: Well, I studied very hard. A joke.
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Dr. Sanjay Rajapaksa: It looks like we're all set.
Eli: To take out the aneurysm.
Dr. Sanjay Rajapaksa: I thought we were removing your gall bladder. A little joke.
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Dr. Sanjay Rajapaksa: You seem nervous.
Eli: Why would I be nervous? It's not like we're talking about going into my skull with sharp instruments with a high likelihood that I'll lose the ability to speak. That's if I don't lose the ability to, ya know, live.
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Eli: It's like the aneurysm knows, Frank. It knows I'm trying to take it out and it's trying to scare me with big-budget sequels.
Chen: Personifying your aneurysm. That's kind of weird, dude.
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Matt: I take it from the look of surprise on your face that you're unaccustomed to dealing with men as capable as the Dowd. (Eli knocks) Funny, we were just talking about you.
Eli: Hey, do you have a second?
Taylor: Uhh, I've got sixty of them.
Eli: I was asking... the Dowd.
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Chen: Dude, I solved your problem.
Eli: Sorry, you're going to have to tell me which one.
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Eli: By this you mean your plan to get people to believe me by relying on someone nobody believes.
Chen: Eli, he predicted the earthquake from your vision.
Eli: He also predicted five other earthquakes that never happened.
Chen: Obviously he's gotten the kinks of his prediction system worked out.
Eli: That's not obvious. That's the exact opposite of obvious.
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Eli: I need this to be ironclad. I need it to be drafted without sympathy or sentiment.
Matt: I am fairly unsympathetic.
Eli: That's what I'm counting on. We're gonna put your utter lack of humanity to good use.
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Eli: I've heard rumblings...
Jordan: And did you hear them from a tall female associate who has my eyes?
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Eli: It's kind of like "To be or not to be..."
Matt: Kind of...
Eli: ...except for the I'll already be brain-dead part.
Matt: There is that. If it's any consolation, I already think of you as brain dead.
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Eli: It's not even noon and I've already made my end-of-life decision. What have you done today?
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Taylor: (to Matt) Look, I recognize it's probably been a while since you managed to go on date without a woman who did it professionally but generally you're expected to pay attention to the woman you're with.
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Taylor: Eli and I used to tell each other all the time.
Matt: Well, don't put me in that position. However, I can think of several positions you could put me in.
Taylor: It's almost hard to believe you'd botch the one evening you had to prove you're not all a pig.
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Eli: I believe you!
Daniel Foote: Only because you're cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
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Eli: If I wasn't right, how would I know that?
Maggie: Well, I must have told you. Then it was "Maggeroni-and-Cheese." Then t was just "Maggeroni." Then it was just "Macaroni."
Eli: No, you didn't tell me. I'd remember being that bored.
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Jordan: Yes, I have protected Eli Stone because I believe this firm needs Eli Stone. I believe that every firm, every company, every one... needs an Eli Stone.
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Patti: Eli, you draft your will yet?
Eli: I left you all my George Michael CDs. I figured that was appropriate.
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