Allison: I still don't get it.
Jack: What's that?
Allison: Susan committing suicide... I mean I know it sounds callous. But I don't care how bad things are - once you have a kid, you don't get to just... check out.
Jack: Ah. My daughter, Zoe, said pretty much the same thing to me when I told her I was being transferred to Eureka.
Allison: Taking your life and taking a job are hardly the same thing.
Jack: In this town I'm not so sure.

Jack: Great, thank you, Jo. I think I may have lost my only chance of getting my stuff back because I had to take a crank call about a haunting.
Jo: I didn't set that up.
Jack: Yeah? I should believe you why?
Jo: Carter, this is a town full of scientists. Everyone knows there's no such thing as ghosts.
(Susan Perkins walks in)
Susan Perkins: Where is Walter?!
Jack: (to Jo) You were saying?

Jack: Sorry if we seem a little... unnerved but we just buried you this morning.
Susan Perkins: You're unnerved? My parents called me in hysterics because they got an invitation to my funeral and a message saying that they had a grandson who needs a home which was all a big surprise to me seeing as how I'm NOT dead and I've never had a child.
Jack: Yeah, you win.

Allison: Walter's dead.
Susan Perkins: Walter's dead?
Jack: Yeah, he-he-he sort of, umm... blew himself up.

Jack: Anyway, uhh, I was, uhh, looking into something and want to know if I could use your, uhh, bio, uhh, scanner molecule thingy.
Nathan: Of course, anything I can do to help.

Jack: So, you two have a history?
Allison: You could say that.
Jack: What? Uhh, ex-boyfriend?
Allison: Not exactly.
Jack: Well, what exactly?
Allison: He's my husband.

Fargo: Um, you-you might want to be careful with this - it's a portable generator.
Jack: So?
Fargo: A fission-powered portable generator.
Jack: O-kay. Don't sleep on the nuclear-powered device, good safety test.

Fargo: (in an accent) Smart House tech support, how may I assist you?
Jack: I'm having technical difficulties.
Fargo: Well, I'd be happy to help you with that, sir, can I please have your name?
Jack: Fargo, is that you?
Fargo: Errr, one-one-one moment, sir, while I transfer the call... Douglas Fargo speaking.
Jack: You don't say!

Jack: Umm, now if we could do something about the voice...
Fargo: Sorry, it's temp audio. Just waiting to hear back from Sarah Michelle Gellar's people... rawr!
Jack: I don't even know how to respond to that.

Fargo: (to the dead Susan Perkins) Okay, Mrs. Perkins, we're ready for your bio scan. Now, just hold still, this won't take long.
Susan Perkins: I'm over here, jackass!

Nathan: So, you sleeping with her?
Jack: Excuse me?
Nathan: Well, you said I got the wrong impression. I assume you were talking about my wife. Not that I have any right to ask.
Jack: You're right, you don't.
Nathan: You're not... but you'd like to.
Jack: I'll let you know if I get anywhere. With the ghost, I mean.

Jack: Henry, I need to see a geek about a ghost.

Fargo: No problem. The surveillance cameras are on 24/7.
Jack: Okay, a) that stops now and b) pull up the footage from my bedroom from around the time the power surged. If this goes on the internet, you're a dead man.