After Rupert is violently ripped to shreds by a stray dog, Lois sows him back together. Grateful for saving his beloved teddy, Stewie becomes obsessed with spending time with her. At first Lois loves all the loving attention, but after time all his love wears her out. Meanwhile, Peter files a lawsuit on the local doctor after he misinterprets his prostate exam.
Peter's mother divorces his dad and begins dating Quahog anchorman Tom Tucker, who becomes Peter's new father figure. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own radio show and Stewie can't help but stir things up.
Songs: June Christy -- Give Me The Simple Life, Starship -- Nothing's Gonna Stop us Now
Everyone is uncomfortable when a heat wave strikes Quahog. To make matters worse, a big box store (a - la Wal-Mart) sets up a new division in Quahog, which runs every other store out of business. Including the brewery. At first, Peter rallies up a gang to go against the the corporation, but once he enters inside the air-conditioned heaven he ends up getting a job there with Meg as his boss. Meanwhile, a car salesman talks Peter into buying a tank (yes, a tank) instead of car for Meg, which Brian and Stewie use to their advantage to take the big corporation down.
When Chris is asked to join the military, Brian is outraged, and heads down to the recruiting office to speak his mind. Once there, Stewie is swindled into signing him and Brian into the military. They are shipped to Iraq, where they desperately try to get honorably discharged in any way possible. Meanwhile, back in Quahog, Chris joins a Goth band.
When Peter gets injured on the job his boss finds out he's been falling behind; Lois goes down there to help him speed things up. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to get Brian to dump his new beautiful but not so intelligent girlfriend.
When Lois starts teaching sex-ed at Chris' school, parents become upset with her uncomfortable honesty. She is replaced with a conservative christian who has all of the condoms removed from James Woods High, but the kids find an interesting loophole. Meanwhile, Stewie sets up a trap to destroy the Tooth Fairy after he loses his first tooth.
Stewie reunites with his old flame Olivia and the two decide to get married. However, their relationship soon begins to dull out. Meanwhile, after Lois introduces Peter to "chick flicks" he decides to make his own.
-- Tom Sawyer
Meg is having problems finding a date for her prom, and she needs some help, even though he is dating his girlfriend Jillian, he decides to go with Meg to the prom. At the prom, Brian gets drunk to get the night over, and ends up making out with Meg. Meg begins to think of Brian as her "Boyfriend" (even though he is of a different species) and begins to spend every moment with him. In the mean time, Peter, Quagmire and Cleaveland decide to join the Police Force.
When Brian accidentally sells Rupert at a garage sale him and Stewie go on a quest to find him. Meanwhile, Peter loses his drivers license and Meg has to drive him around. Surprisingly, they bond.
When Peter accidentally kills his father it jogs his memory that Francis once told Peter he wasn't his real father. After Thelma tells him that his real father actually lives in Ireland Peter and Brian travel there to find him. Meanwhile, after Lois hits Stewie he discovers that he loves being spanked, and does everything possible in order to get spanked again.
When a bully harasses Chris, Peter goes to his defense, but the kid is so annoying that Peter ends up beating him up. Meanwhile, Stewie goes out without sunscreen and becomes obsessed with getting a tan. After Brian accidentally leaves him in the tanning booth for six hours, Stewie gets sunburned and fears he has cancer. While waiting for the results of his cancer screening, Stewie begins to live his life as if he had only days to live and drives Brian crazy with his demands.
Songs: The Dream Academy -- Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want
Peter takes Quagmire to the airport for work and messes things up, causing Quagmire to lose his job as a pilot. Quagmire cant find another gig, so Peter and Cleveland devise a plan to help him get his old job back. When the plan flops, Quagmire receives advice from his idol, Hugh Hefner, which leads him to save the day
David Rose -- Closing Theme from Little House on the Prarie, Elmer Bernstein
-- Theme Music from Airplane, Harold Faltermeyer & Steve Stevens -- Theme song from Top Gun
After Peter hurts himself trying to fix a flat tire on former president Bill Clinton's limousine, an appreciative Clinton sets out to show the depressed Peter a good time. Then Clinton has some fun with Lois as well. Meanwhile, Stewie toilet trains Brian.
Songs: Conway Twitty
-- You've Never Been This Far Before, Conway Twitty -- Your Love Had Taken Me That High, (Unknown artist)
-- Night Court theme song
After a historical coin is found under the Griffin's carpet, Peter and Lois start a family restaurant, which soon turns into a favorite place for the paraplegic community of Quahog. But Peter turns against them.
Songs: Elton John
-- I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
The family heads to church when Lois gets a gig as the organist, but after Stewie gets sick the congregation is convinced he's possessed by the devil. So, the family goes on the run and ends up in Texas. Peter fits right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house.
Songs: June Pointer -- Little Boy Sweet, Rossini -- William Tell Overature
When Chris gets expelled from school, the family enrolls him in a snooty boarding school Mr. Pewterschmidt attended, but Chris doesn't exactly fit in. Meanwhile, the chicken returns to pick a fight with Peter, but you'll never guess how it all ends.
When Lois runs for mayor of Quahog, she isn't the front-runner until she 'dumbs down' her political views. Once in office, she's corrupted by the power and starts accepting bribes so that she can buy herself expensive trinkets. Meanwhile, Peter's enjoying being the "first lady" and all of the perks that go along with it.
Death grants Peter's wish of going back in time to be 18 again just for one night so that he can sow his wild oats. In 1984, he bails on a date with Lois to go to a bar and make out with a movie actress, but when he returns to the present, he discovers that he is now married to the former starlet and Lois is with Quagmire.
Songs: Harold Faltermeyer -- Axel F aka Beverly Hills Cop Theme, Kenny Loggins -- Mr. Night