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Family Guy: Lois Kills Stewie (2)

In order to obtain world domination Stewie goes undercover and tries out for American Idol. Lois mysteriously returns to Quahog after being presumed dead. Lois discovers what Stewie is up to and decides it is finally time to take control and confront her baby.


Episode Info


Episode number: 6x5
Production Number: 5ACX18
Airdate: Sunday November 11th, 2007

Director: Greg Colton
Writer: Steve Callaghan

Alternate Airdates:

UK (BBC three) May 25, 2008

  • Currently 8.4/10
8.4/10 (12 Votes cast)
Guest Stars
Adam WestAdam West
voiced Mayor Adam West
Recurring
Alec SulkinAlec Sulkin
voiced Various
Recurring
Alex BreckenridgeAlex Breckenridge
voiced Various
Recurring
Danny Smith (1)Danny Smith (1)
voiced Various
Recurring
Dave BoatDave Boat
voiced Various
Recurring
John VienerJohn Viener
voiced Various
Recurring
Mark HentemannMark Hentemann
voiced Various
Recurring
Patrick StewartPatrick Stewart
voiced Avery Bullock
Recurring
Patrick WarburtonPatrick Warburton
voiced Joe Swanson
Recurring
Paula AbdulPaula Abdul
voiced Herself
Recurring
Phil LaMarrPhil LaMarr
voiced Judge
Recurring
Randy Jackson (1)Randy Jackson (1)
voiced Himself
Simon CowellSimon Cowell
voiced Himself

Featuring
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Stan Smith
Recurring
Main Cast
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glen Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Jake Tucker, Carter Pewterschmidt, Kevin Swanson, Seamus, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Jasper, God, Jesus, Various
Alex BorsteinAlex Borstein
voiced Lois Griffin, Loretta Brown, Tricia Takanawa, Barbara Pewterschmidt, Various
Seth GreenSeth Green
voiced Chris Griffin, Neil Goldman, Various
Mila KunisMila Kunis
voiced Meg Griffin
Mike HenryMike Henry
voiced Cleveland Brown, Herbert, Bruce, Fouad, Cleveland Jr., Greased Up Deaf Guy (Jay), Various
Episode Notes
Stan Smith & Avery Bullock cross over from American Dad.

Lois Kills Stewie was the last fully produced episode before the writers strike that began on November 5th.
As of November 7th, Seth Macfarlane has refused to finish any more episodes until the strike is resolved.



Episode Quotes
Tom: Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker w/ Channel 5 News. We now go live to Ollie Williams recapping the last episode of Family Guy. What happened last time Ollie?
Ollie: Stewie killed Lois.
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: Peter got blamed.
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: Peter went to court
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: Lois came back
Tom: How?
Ollie: Wasn't really dead.
Tom: Thanks Ollie, and now Part 2.

(Opening theme)
Peter: Oh Lois sweetheart I'm so glad you're alive. You gotta tell me everything that happened. I mean not tonight cause I got plans with the guys but tomorrow I want to hear all about it.
Lois: Peter, didn't you hear what I said? Stewie tried to kill me.
Meg: Mom Stewie's just a baby.
Lois: No he's not Meg, he's evil. He shot me point blank right on the deck of the cruise ship.
I would've been dead if it weren't for a passing merman who treated my wounds and carried me to safety.
It sounds romantic I now but unfortunately he was kind of the reverse of what you would expect a merman to be.
Merman: I wish to make love to you.
Lois: Oh... Ahh... No thank you.
Merman: What are you talking about I thought this was a woman's fantasy?
Lois: Well yeah, but this is sorta the opposite, like if you had a man's body and fish legs then it'd be different.
Merman: Yeah but then I wouldn't have a penis.
Lois: Well then uh...
Merman: See there you go I just poked a huge hole in your logic.
Lois: Uh... I'm sorry. I'm just gonna have to say no.
Merman: Maybe I feel like you owe me a little.
(Lois pushes him over)
Merman: Oh damn it!

Lois: Unfortunately I was suffering from total amnesia and had no idea who I was. After wandering around for awhile I discovered I was in North Carolina, where I managed to get a job at a summer camp for fat kids.
It was my job to keep the kids from eating each other.
Lois: HEY Hey No NoNoNo spit him out. Jeffery! Spit him out now!
And Mike you spit out Timmy!
Over the next several months I developed a relationship with a seemingly nice young townie named Derrick.
Eventually he got comfortable with me enough to introduce me to his friends.
That's how a found out he was a white supremacist.
Supremacist: First order of business. I'd like to thank Paul & Tracy who have agreed to bring cookies for next weeks punch social, uh just remember you two Fred is allergic to peanuts. Peanuts and Jews. (laughter from crowd) No but Jews are bad.
Lois: You know it's remarks like that that started the holocaust and I know none of us want that to happen again.
(Lois gets hit in the head with a bottle) And after that blow to the head it all started coming back to me so I rushed back to Quahog and here I am.
Joe: So what you're saying is we've got a homicidal baby on our hands.
Chris: Mom Dad Stewie's gone!
Joe: Don't worry Lois, we'll catch him.

{Cut to Bruce's house}
Joe: Sorry to bother you but we have a fugitive baby on our hands. Have you seen this child?
Bruce: No I haven't officer, but I sure will keep my eyes open.
Voice from inside: What is it?
Bruce: That killer baby from the trial's gone missing.
Voice from inside: Ooohhh Noooo
Bruce: I knoooow
{Cut to Superman's Fortress of Solitude}
(Joe knocks and maid answers)
Maid: Meester Superman not here.
Joe: Well we're looking for a missing...
Maid: Ohh no Meester Superman no
Joe: Well ok could you just give him this flyer?
Maid: I ah... nooo, nooo I have no money.
Joe: Just take the flyer and if you see this baby.
Maid: Nooo No

{Cut to Griffin House}
Brian: Boy I sure they find him otherwise we're all gonna be...
Stewie: (Gun cocking) So, it's all out in the open now isn't it?
Peter: Stewie uh, how long have you been all messed up and evil like this?
Stewie: Oh so now you're interested in Stewie. Last week when I made that macaroni picture of an owl you didn't give a damn.
Peter: That was an owl?
Stewie: Yes and now we're going to look at it again.
(Pistil whips Peter) LOOK LOOK Now do you like it!
Peter: Yes
Stewie: What do you like about it specifically!?
Peter: I don't know
Stewie: Pick something or I'll blow your brains out!
Peter: I like how it looks like an owl
Stewie: Thank you for the compliment!
(Knock on door)
Joe: Hey! Everything okay in there? I heard shouting.
Stewie: Dog answer it. Tell him 'Yes everything's fine'
Brian: Yes Joe, everything's fine.
Joe: Oh okay good.
Stewie: Make fun of his wheelchair.
Brian: What?
Joe: What?
Stewie: Do it! Say 'HaHaHaHa you're in a wheelchair'.
Brian: HaHaHaHa you're in a wheelchair.
Joe: What's that supposed to mean?
Stewie: Say 'I bet you can't get a boner'
Brian: I bet you can't get a boner
Joe: That's not very nice Brian.
Stewie: 'Neither is your mother's ass'
Brian: Neither is your mother's ass
Joe: Well, I'll give you that one.
Stewie: Now tell him you've always thought he was handsome
Brian: I've always thought you were handsome
Joe: I got to tell you Brain, I'm relieved to hear you say that. Please call me if you see any sign of Stewie.
Stewie: Tell him 'HaHaHaHa just kidding about the handsome thing'
Brian: Oh come on
Stewie: Do it!
Brian: Come on that meant a lot to him (gun click) HaHaHaHa just kidding about the handsome thing
Joe: Ahh well that's uh, disappointing. I needed that boost today. Alright I'll see you later.

Stewie: Alright Lois I'm hungry. Take those breasts out. Wait a minute you could've drugged this, well I'm not fool. Brian taste this!
Brian: What?
Stewie: Go on taste it! You're the genie pig.
Brian: Lois he's got a gun
Lois: Look I'll do it myself how about that?
Brian: Uh I don't know he kinda asked me, I think we should do what he says.
Lois: Well... yeah but... Brian
Brian: I'm totally willing to do this for the family
Lois: I'm not sure...
Chris: I'll do it.
Cleveland: Hey Griffins just checking in...
(Stewie shoots Cleveland)
Peter: Holy crap!
Lois: Oh my god!
Brian: Stewie! You kidded him, he's dead
Lois: Oh my god, oh my god, what are we gonna do! Oh poor Cleveland.
Peter: It's all right Lois, he's in heaven now.
{In Heaven}
Cleveland: I don't understand why I need to give you a credit card imprint.
Saint Peter: It's kind of a new policy.
Cleveland: I didn't see you ask the guy in front of me
Saint Peter: It's kind of brand new. Do you have a credit card?
Cleveland: I got a Sears card
Saint Peter: Ahh, they're doing pretty well huh?
Cleveland: The one by my house has a MacDonalds right in the store.

Stewie: Won't be long before the police notice Cleveland's disappearance. Black man gone missing, My god the media will be all over that.
Alright, if I see any cops following me the dog gets it!
(At the car) Stewie: Get in, come on Drive Drive Drive .
Oh there's Joe. Say 'Joe I think you're cool'
Brian: Joe I think you're cool.
Joe: Well thank you Brian that's going to get me through the rest of this yard work.
Stewie: 'No just kidding you suck'
Brian: No just kidding you suck.
Stewie: 'Queer'
Brian: Queer
Joe: Ah, well there goes my smile.

Brian: You know you're not going to get away with this. Kidnapping me is one thing but you killed Cleveland.
Stewie: You forget, I'm the one holding the gun Brian, and you're going to do exactly as I say.
Brian: You uh, mind if I ask where we're going?
Stewie: You'll know soon enough Brian, the world will now soon enough.
I'll be a big as I should of been when I was on American Idol.
{Cut to Stewie singing}
Simon: Stewie, what the hell was that?
Stewie: 'Lost In Your Eyes' by Debbie Gibson
Simon: One of the worst I've ever heard
Stewie: Ok
Simon: Stewie you shouldn't actually even be alive you sniveling little creep. I hate you so much I want to shoot you in your face.
Stewie: Alright
Paula: Honey, I like you but your just not right for this competition.
Randy: Yo dog I got to tell from me man that was not even half good dude. You can't sing, what are you doing Stewie?
(Leaves room in tears)
Stewie: I don't even care, they don't know what they's talking about. Next time they hear about me, they's gonna be like, we was wrong about Stewie, cause I's gonna be huge. I's gonna be bigger then everyone and all y'all.

{Cut to Griffin House}
Peter: Hey you know what we should do guys, while we're here tied up like this.
Lois: What?
Peter: We should come up with a totally bogus rumor about a celebrity and then when we get outta here we'll spread it around as much as we can.
Meg: That sounds like fun
Lois: Actually that does sound like fun. What'd you have in mind?
Peter: Uh ok ok how 'bout this. Hey did you guys hear about Rob Schneider. Somebody told me he goes down to Home Depot and pays the migrant workers to go to his house and choke him in the shower.
Chris: I could buy that, that sounds like something he'd do.
Lois: Well I think that's awful that Rob Schneider does that
Peter: Yeah isn't that a disgusting absolute fact.
Chris (clapping): Yeah we're starting a rumor.
Meg: Wait a minute, Chris are you clapping?
Chris: Yeah
Lois: So your hands are free
Chris: Yeah
Lois: Stewie didn't tie up your hands.
Chris: No he must have forgot
Lois: You realize we've been sitting here for 14 hours.
Chris: Well get pissy if you want mom but I've enjoyed the time we've had as a family.

{Cut to Brian's car}
(Stewie nods off holding the gun)
*BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**
Brian: Aaagghh
Stewie: What is it?! What did you do?!
Brian: You almost shot me you son of a bitch!
Stewie: That's because you yelled.
Brian: You shot the gun first, that's why I yelled
Stewie: Yeah 'that's why I yelled', I'm watching you buddy.

{Cut to Stewie's room}
Lois: There's gotta be some clue in here that'll tell us where Stewie might have gone.
(Lois triggers Stewie's secret weapons room)
Chris: Wow look at all this cool stuff.
Peter: Man what do you think these things do?
Peter (as Lois): Huh, I guess it doesn't do anything.
Lois (as Peter): Well that seems odd.
Peter & Lois: AAAHHHHH
Lois (as Peter): Oh my god! Peter, you're me!
Peter (as Lois): Holy crap! (opens Lois' shirt) Aw Sweet! (squeezes Lois' breasts & laughs to the tune of Green Acres) Squeeze Squeeze.

{Cut to Brian's car}
Stewie: Alright pull in here.
Brian: The CIA? What the hell are we doing here?
Stewie: You'll need CIA credentials Brian, what do you want your alias to be?
Brian: What are you talking about? I'm not going to...
(Puts gun to Brian's head) Stewie: Pick a name for yourself!
Brian: Willem Defoe
Stewie: Eww not that one, I used to have a Willem Dafoe living under my bed.
{Cut to Stewie's room}
(Willem slowly emerges from under the bed) Willem: Hey, you asleep yet?
Stewie: uhhh... no.
Willem: Just checking.
{Cut back to CIA building}
Brian: What exactly are you looking for?
Stewie: According to my schematics it should be right in here.
This is it Brian, my plan for world domination is about to come to fluition
(alarms sound)
Brian: What are you doing, for god's sake they know we're here, what are you trying to do?
Stewie: Once I locate the proper code sequence this terminal will allow me to take command of the satellites that control the world's power grid. Once they're under my control the entire world will be subject to my whims.
Go away you paper clip! No one likes you!
(Banging on the door)
Bullock: Open up in there or we're breaking down the door!
(Bullock and Stan Smith break down the door. Stewie presses a button plunging the world into darkness)

{Cut to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' estate}
Tom: I love you Katie
Katie : I love you too Tom.
(Katie's ankle bracelet falls off when the lights go out)
Katie: Oh my god! I'm free! (Hits Tom w/ Suri, leaps out a window & runs to a cage filled with bikini clad men) The force field is down Go! Now!

{Cut back to CIA}
Stewie: I'd drop the gun if I were you Joe
Stan: What? It's Stan
Stewie: Oh sorry, you look sorta like someone... well anyway, I'd drop the gun if I were you. I now control the entire planet's power grid, and unless you want me to send you all back to the dark ages, you'll do exactly as I say.
Bullock: What are your demands?

Tom: We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from the new president of the world.
Stewie: Greeting loyal minions
Lois: (gasps) Stewie?
Glen: Oh my god!
Joe: What the hell?!
Mayor West: Good gravy!
Mexican: Senor Rob Schneider, you must come see the news
Rob Schneider: I'm not paying you guys to watch tv, now get in the damn shower!

{Cut to the White House}
Stewie: Oh Brian come here, I want you to hear my presidential address for Saint Rupert's day. I'm unveiling all the new laws I've passed.
Brian: Screw off! I don't want to have anything to do with you of your damn laws.
Stewie: Oh just take a look will you.
Brian: You're banning straight to video Disney films?
Stewie: Absolutely! I mean look at this. 'Aladdin 4: Jafar May Need Glasses'

{Cut to eye doctor's office}
Doctor: Number 1? Number 2?
Jafar: Ummm
Doctor: Number 1? Number 2?
Jafer: Ummm, About the same, number 1 might be a tiny bit better.
Doctor: Number 3? Number 4?
Jafer: Number 3
Doctor: 5? and 6?
Jafar: Uhhh
Doctor: 5? and 6?
Jafar: Uhhhh
Doctor: About the same?
Jafar: Yeah they're pretty much... can I see 5 one more time.
Doctor: 5? and 6?
Jafar: Yeah they're about the same.

{Cut back to White House}
Stewie (to television audience): Greetings unwashed masses. The following laws will go into effect immediately.
From this day forward all the nation's milk must come from Hillary Swank's breasts.

{Cut to Hillary's house}
Hillary: Hey, I don't give a damn what you want just get the hell off my property!
Guy #1: Look Hillary, all I know is it's breakfast time, I have this bowl of corn flakes and I got to be at work by 9 o'clock. So what are we gonna do here?
Guy #2: Not so fast, did you know you'd have to eat 17 bowls of those corn flakes to get the same nutritional value as one bowl of Total.
Guy #1: Say that's a lot easier then eating 17 bowls.
Hillary: And it's easier on my breasts.
Guy #2: Everybody wins
Commercial Jingle Singers: Hillary Swank, Get your milk from her
{Cut back to White House}
Stewie: Also as I've had quite enough of the fat man. Anyone that sees Peter Griffin must throw apples at him.
{Cut to Peter at the bank}
Peter: Yeah I'd like to make a deposit... (hit w/ apple) Ahhh, what the hell?!
Unseen Teller: It's the law sir.
{Cut back to White House}
Stewie: And finally, anyone who uses the terms, irregardless, a-whole-nother or all-of-the-sudden will be sent to a work camp.
{Cut to Griffin House}
Lois: That is enough! Peter I'm not going to stand by while other people suffer at the hands of my own baby.
I brought Stewie into this world, it's time for me to take him out.
Peter: How the hell are you going to do...(hit w/ apple) Ahhh
Chris: Sorry Dad
Peter: That's okay Chris, you're a good boy following the law, but you Meg, you're going to jail
(Lois suits up with gear from Stewie's secret weapons stash)

Lois: Alright Peter I'm going to kill Stewie. Dinner's in the oven, all you have to do is turn it to 350 at about 5:15.
Peter: Yeah okay Lois
Lois : Are you listening?
Peter: Yeah
Lois: What did I just say?
Peter: Turn the oven to 350 at 5:15, I heard it!

{Cut to White House}
Painter: All right sir, you're presidential portrait is finished.
Stewie: Let me see.
Ahhh excellent. Much better then the one Gary Larson did.
Why would I even talking to a chicken?

(Lois crashed through the window)
Brian: Lois!
Lois: Stewie, your reign of terror has come to an end. I will not stand by while you make innocent people suffer.
Stewie: Bring it on bitch. Time for me to finish what I started anyway.
(Lois and Stewie fight, finally Lois points gun at Stewie's head)
Stewie: Go ahead Lois. Do it. Shoot me. Shoot your little baby Stewie.
Lois: I can't do it. You're a terrible evil child but you're still my baby and I could never hurt you.
Stewie: Well that works out perfectly cause I can hurt you. Say hi to Cleveland for me... oh and Mr. Weed
(Peter shoots Stewie in the chest and head)
Peter: It's just been revoked
Brian: Uh Peter, he really didn't set you up for that Lethal Weapon line... it doesn't really work here.
Peter: Oh... I'll have what's she having
Brian: That's... better.

Brian: Hey Stewie we got a postcard from Peter and Lois on the cruise... what are you doing?
Stewie: Oh hello Brian, well you recall my complaining about Lois and the fat man not taking me with them.
Brian: Yeah
Stewie: Yes well you said I didn't have it in me to kill Lois so I was just running a simulation to find out exactly how killing her and taking over the world would play out for me.
Brian: Yeah, how'd that go.
Stewie: Not well Brian, not well. I suppose I'm not ready to kill Lois of take over the world... yet.
Brian: So what you're saying is what you experienced in the simulation didn't really happen or even matter.
Stewie: Yes that's correct
Brian: So it was sorta like a dream
Stewie: No it was a simulation.
Brian: Yes but theoretically if someone watched the events of that simulation from start to finish only to find out none of it really happened, I mean, you don't think that would be just like, a giant middle finger to them?
Stewie: Well hopefully they would have enjoyed the ride.
Brian: I don't know man, I think you piss a lot of people off that way.
Stewie: Well at least it didn't end like the Sopranos where it just cut to black in mid sen



Episode Goofs
During Lois and Stewie's fight some of the blood and bruises appear and disappear at random



Cultural References
American History X

Lois says she meet a nice guy named Derek who turned out to be white supremacist.
Edward Norton played Derek Vinyard in American History X

Superman

The head of the maid's union from "Believe It Or Not Joe's Walking on Air" reappears as the housekeeper for Superman's Fortress of Solitude

American Idol

Stewie recalls the time he tried out for American Idol but was humiliated by Simon, Paula & Randy

Rob Schneider

The family agrees to spread a rumor that Rob Schneider goes to Home Depot and pays migrant workers to come to his house and choke him in the shower

Green Acres

When Peter and Lois switch bodies, Peter squeezes Lois' boobs to the tune of the 1965-1971 sit com starring Eddie Albert & Eva Gabor

Willem Dafoe

Stewie reveals he once had a Willem Dafoe under his bed which kept him up nights

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

When the power grid is shut down Katie is set free from her electronic shackle and frees the caged bikini clad men who are also being held against their will

Aladdin

Jafar from Disney's Aladdin movies returns in the fourth installment. Aladdin 4: Jafar May Need Glasses.

Gary Larson

Stewie mentions he didn't like the portrait Gary Larson made of him.
Gary was the creator of the comic strip Far Side

When Harry Meet Sally

After Brian tells Peter he wasn't set up for the Lethal Weapon line Peter says "I'll Have What She's Having".
The line that followed Meg Ryan's faked orgasm scene

Debbie Gibson

During Stewie's American Idol audition, he sings Debbie Gibson's song Lost in Your Eyes

Stewie's secret cache of weaponry was hidden in a way similar to how Agent K hid one in his old apartment as shown in Men in Black II.



Episode References
After Stan Smith pulls a gun on Stewie, he says "I'd drop the gun if I were you Joe", commenting Stan looks a lot like Joe Swanson



Other Episode Crew

CreatorSeth MacFarlane
DeveloperDavid Zuckerman  |  Seth MacFarlane
 
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