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Family Guy
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| Title: | McStroke |
| Episode Number: | 106 |
| Season: | 6 |
| Season Episode #.: | 8 |
| Production Number: | 5ACX19 |
| Original Airdate: | Sunday January 13th, 2008 |
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| | Other Release Dates: (Edit) | | Country: | Aired On: | |
 United Kingdom |
Jun 08, 2008 |
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Peter decides to grow a moustache, but then he's mistaken for a fireman (because they all have moustaches), so he lends a hand when a fire breaks out at a local fast food restaurant.
The owner gives him unlimited burgers as a "thank you" but he eats so many that he eventually has a stroke. When Peter recovers, he vows to expose the fast-food company and becomes friends with a genetically engineered cow (Montalban) he meets after infiltrating the McBurgertown warehouse
Source: thefutoncritic.com
| There are no foreign summaries for this episode
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| | Artist | Song Title | Played When | | •Bob Dylan | Hurricane | | | •The Monkees | Pleasant Valley Sunday | | | •R.E.M. | It's The End of the World As We Know it (and I Fee | |
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| (Intro Music)
Chris: Mom, Where's dad?
Lois: Over across the street, he's collecting Cleveland's mail while he's out of town.
(Front door opens) Peter: Black Guy Mail!
Lois: Peter, you're just supposed to pick up Cleveland's mail, not go through it.
Peter: Lois, black people are different than you and I. And me, I find that hilarious.
Chris: Boy, Cleveland gets a lot of magazines. Grape Soda Today, Orange Soda Quarterly, The Fruit Punch Reader
Peter: Hey what ya got there Stewie?
Mustache Aficionado. Wow, look at these men. What class, what grace, and all because of a little upper lip hair.
Lois, I am going to grow a mustache and I'll have it made like the Monopoly guy, except when he goes directly to jail.
{Cut to the Monopoly guy in prison fighting with three other convicts}
Voiceover: I wish I could tell you that the monopoly guy fought the good fight and the system let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but prison is no fairy tale world.
| Stewie: Hey Rupert, what if the refridgerator was a monster that talked like this...
(in scary voice) I am a monster, I am going to bite your fingers. Here I come, I'm going to get you...
AAGGHH! I don't want to play any more, no more voice no more voice, the refridgerator can't hurt me okay!
Meg: Oh my god Dad, what's on your face?
Peter: It's a mustache Meg.
Lois: Ooohhh, I think it's sexy
Brian: I think it's gay.
Peter: It's not gay Brian, If I'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay.
Brian: Freddy Mercury, the lead singer of Queen. He was incredible gay
Peter: He was not, he had a mustache, which is practically like a wedding ring.
Chris: I imagine you're going to be much more of a stern father now that you have a mustache.
Peter: Well Chris there may be more lap sitting then there's been and I might answer most of your questions with a story but mostly my mustache tells people that there's a 90 percent chance that I am poorly educated. That I keep upscale porn magazines out in the open. And that I listen to the Little River Band with giant headphones.
Stewie: Ugh, that's the ugliest thing the fat man has grown since that horse leg.
{Cut to Peter in the kitchen}
Brian: Hey Peter have to seen my
{Peter kicks Brian in the face}
Peter: Oh Brian I'm sorry but what do I keep saying, do not stand behind me, because I will get scared.
| TV Announcer: And now back to One Tree Hill.
Teen #1: Dude let me tell you something. There's nothing that'll ever happen for the rest of our lives that's more important then what's going on right here right now in high school by these lockers.
Teen #2: I've got so many problems.
Teen #1: Hey, it's nothing that can't be fixed by staring at a lake.
(Singing voiceover) High school is such a serious thing, these problems matter.
Stewie: God these high school students are lame, I'm a freaking baby and I'm cooler then they are.
Brian: What the hell do you know about high school?
Stewie: Are you kidding, these kids today are so easy to manipulate. If you plopped me in the middle of a high school I could be the most popular kid there in a week.
Brian: Really? Would you care to place a wager on that?
Stewie: Absolutly, what are the stakes?
Brian: Okay if I win and you can't do it, you have to your nose in Meg's hat and take an 8 second inhale.
Steiwe: Okay it's a bet.
Brian: Great.
Stewie: Kiss on it?
Brian: What?
| Chris: Wow Dad, you're up early.
Peter: Yep, it's a mustache kind of morning Chris. I watched the sunrise in my jeans, jean shirt and jean jacket.
Chris: Gosh mustache culture is pretty cool
Peter: You betcha son, I'm gonna make you some hash browns for breakfast then later I'm going to take you down to the whore house to you lose you're virginity.
Would you like that?
Chris: Would I! Wow that's a way better present than that buff hamster you got me last Christmas.
{Cut to Chris' room}
Chris: Dad, all it's done is run on that wheel for the past few weeks
Peter: Yeah it looks like it's in pretty good shape.
Chris: Can I pick it up?
Peter: I wouldn't
| Peter: Boy you know I always wanted to come in here, and now that I have a mustache the timing feels right.
Brian: Wow all this stuff looks pretty good.
Get we get some salami and
Peter: Brian Brian, let me handle this.
Escusi, Babba be bo-bee
Deli Owner: Que Quo Sa
Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Speaking Italian. Babba be bo-bee (Faux Italian gibberish)
Brian: Peter you can't speak Italian just because you have a mustache.
Peter: (Faux Italian gibberish)
Deli Owner: (Faux Italian gibberish)
| Stewie: Alright dog, here we go. Prepare to lose a bet cause I'm about to become the most popular boy in school.
Uh excuse me pardon me, are you the cool children?
Connie: Yeah, who are you?
Stewie: My name is Zach Sawyer. I just transferred here from rich expensive car driving sex having high school
Girl: Whoa that sounds awesome.
Stewie: No it's lame everything's lame.
Connie: Wow, if he says one more cool thing he's in.
Stewie: I wear long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts under long sleeve shirts.
Connie: Wow, you're awesome
Boy: You've checked mated my teenage cynicism
Stewie: Excellent, I'm a bigger hit with the kids then Will Smith and his nice clean rap.
{Cut to Will Smith in a recording studio}
Will: Whoooo HaHa I respect women when I'm on a date.
I take them to the park or maybe a museum and I only try to kiss them if they really Woohoo Wha Wha I s ay WhaWha
Help out your mom and dad by getting a job so you can pay for school supplies WhooHoo
Wipe your shoes on the mat when you come in to the house someone just cleaned that floor WooHoo Say WhaWha
| Brian: Uh Peter, don't you think you're kinda letting that mustache consume your personality.
Peter: Shut up Brian, I am part of a very special community now. People with mustaches look out for each other.
Bruce: Hey, Oh Heeey.
{Dials cell phone}
Jeffery: Hey
Bruce: Hey Jeffery Peter Griffin has a mustache.
Jeffrey: No waaay
Bruce: Waaay
Jeffery: Ooohhh
Bruce: I knooow.
Brian: Oh my god Peter look! McBurgertown is on fire!
Firefighter #1: It's out of control. We need someone to man the other hose.
Firefighter #2: Hey that guy has a mustache, grab him
Firefighter #1: We need your help, take this hose.
(Voice yelling HELP from inside building)
Peter: Oh my god! There's somebody trapped inside.
Wait, if I go in there I might get hurt.
No, no with great mustache comes great responsibility
(Peter runs in and out of fire)
Aaaaggghhh My mustache!
(Peter extinguishes flaming mustache in grass)
NNoooooo!
Todd Myers: God bless you sir. You saved my life!
Peter: But at what cost? At what cost?
| Lois: Peter have you seen Brian?
Peter: No Lois, I have not.
Lois: Well I haven't seen him since this morning and I... what is that on your head?
Peter: It's a mustache Lois! What you've never seen a mustache before?
Brian: Lois, would you mind calling the police or something
Peter: Quiet mustache!
Lois: Oh my god, Peter I know you're upset about losing that thing but get a grip on yourself. Let Brian down.
Peter: No! I'm not living my life without a mustache. Even if sometimes my mustache has Alpo gas.
(Brian farts)
Mustache fart.
(Knock at back door)
Todd Myers: Hello, I'm looking for Peter Griffin.
Peter: I'm Peter Griffin
Todd Myers: Mr. Griffin, my name is Todd Myers. I'm the man you rescued from McBugertown.
Peter: Oh yeah, you're the guy who cost me my mustache. What, you come over here to rape my daughter?
Todd Myers: No, I own the restaurant and to show my gratitude, I'd like to offer you a lifetime supply of McBurgertown burgers.
(Removes Brian from his face) Peter: Free burgers! Oh man this a way better offer then the one I got from Helen Hunt
{Cut to a bar}
Helen: You want to have sex?
Peter: Nooo NoNoNo NoNoNo
| {At McBurgertown}
Brian: Peter, you should really slow down, you've already had like 30 hamburgers.
Peter: Shut up Brian, it relieves the pain of mustachelessness, and it's working, I no longer feel the pain. Come to think of I can't seem to feel anything on the left half of my body.
Brian: Really, that doesn't sound good.
Peter are you winking at me?
Peter: AAAggghhhhh
Brian: Oh my god! Someone call an ambulance!
| {At Hospital}
Lois: Doctor what happened, is he going to be okay?
Dr. Hartman: Mrs. Griffin, your husband has had a stroke.
The left half of his body is completely paralyzed.
Lois: Oh my god!
(Turns to Peter in bed)
Peter sweetheart how do you feel?
Peter: Uh, had better days Lois. Had better days.
| {In the Griffin kitchen}
Chris: Mom, it's been three months when is Dad going to get better?
Lois: Chris I've already explained this to you. Your father had a stroke and it may take him a long time to recover.
(from living room) Peter: Lois, Bring me another beer please.
(Lois enters living room)
Uh Lois, would you mind telling me what in the hell you think you're doing?
Lois: I'm handing you a beer.
Peter: You are handing it to my stroke arm. This is my good arm. Bring the beer over here!
That's better.
| {At James Woods High}
Stewie: So I'm shaving last night at this make-out party, I took a bunch of pictures. You can see them on my MySpace page along with my favorite songs and movies and things that other people created but I use to express my individualism.
Girl: I have a MySpace page too.
Stewie: Yeah I have mine ironically. Hey why don't you guys get lost I have to take to Connie.
(to Connie)
Hey guess what?
Connie: What?
Stewie: That's what. No but seriously there's something I want to talk to you about.
Connie: Sure Zach, anything for you.
Stewie: You wanna go out to Anal Point this weekend and see what all the buzz is about?
Connie: O M G, that'd be so awesome.
Stewie: Sweet, we're gonna have a real raging time. Before you know it, we'll be like an old married couple.
| {At the Griffin Home}
Brian: Uh Lois.
Lois: Yeah.
Brian: Uh, Peter's getting in the car.
(Peter sings along to R.E.M.'s 'The End of the World As We Know It' and crashes into a tree)
Row boater: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
Peter: Stop mocking me!
| {In Griffin living room}
Stewie: Well Brian, you've lost your bet. I or rather my alter-ego Zach Sawyer am currently the most popular boy at James Woods High.
Brian: Well Stewie, you got the best of me this time.
Congratulations, I guess you'll be hanging up your wig now.
Stewie: Oh no Brian, I'm enjoying myself too much. Did you know that I've got a date w/ Connie Dimico this Saturday night at Anal Point.
Brian: Ahh, I've heard about that place.
Stewie: Really, what's it like cause I have no idea.
Brian: Well uh, I suppose if you imagine it like a parking space that you think gosh there's no way I'm going to be able fit in there, but then you fold in the side view mirrors and sure enough well look at that.
Stewie: Well in that scenario I'd rather be the parking space then the car.
Brian: yeah that's what I always guessed.
| {Outside McBurgertown}
Peter: I hate being all strokey. This is all your fault McBurgertown! You and your delicious hamburgers. I swear I'll get back at you some day for what you did to me and for what you did to Whimpy.
Whimpy: I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Peter: If only there was some way I could be like everybody else again.
(Peter enters a Stem Cell Research Lab)
Peter: How long was I in there?
Security Guard: 5 minutes.
Peter: WHY are we not funding this!
| {In the Griffin Kitchen}
Lois: Sweetheart that's Incredible, and it only took 5 minutes.
Peter: 5 minutes. I went in there, they injected me a little bit of that fetal crap and BAM good ole gambling man Peter.
And now, I can take my revenge on McBurgertown.
Brian: Wait, What?
Peter: It's their fault I had a stroke Brian, and I'm gonna sue them for it
Brian: Peter you ate 30 hamburgers, it was your own fault.
Lois: Yeah, besides Peter those companies have huge legal divisions you can't fight that.
Peter: I'll find a way with the help of my snarky cat lawyer Meowsy McDermont.
Meowsy: You've got to be kitten me
Peter: Haaaa
| {At the courthouse}
Judge: This court finds in favor of McBurgertown Industries.
Peter: WHAT? Come on that's not fair.
Judge: Mr. Griffin, what did you expect they have 100 lawyers, and you tried to bribe me with a subscription to Grape Soda Today which I already have.
Case dismissed.
| {Outside the Griffin house}
Brian: What did I tell you Peter, one man can't take on a multi-national fast food conglomerate.
Peter: Oh yes I can, this ain't over Brian. Those people are bad and I'm going to prove it to the world.
Brian: How do you expect to do that?
Peter: Are you kidding, I've tackled tougher jobs before.
Remember that time I was Robin Williams jumping off point.
Peter: uh ok, religion.
Robin Williams: Oh religion, you kill me I kill you we both go to heaven, 72 virgins, you might have to help me out with the last terrorist cell cause we're we get tired. Religion.
Peter: Politics.
Robin Williams: Oh politics, well we're going to come down there and take all your oil. But this is our oil. Yeee Haaa here's my missile. Okay here take it take it. Politics.
Peter: uh you know what, I'm going to take a 5 minute break.
Robin Williams: oh 5 minute break, what are you a construction worker, hey baby I'm not gay, does this yellow hat make my ass look fat 5 minute break.
| {Connie Dimico's car at Anal Point}
Stewie: You enjoy the movie baby?
Connie: Yeah but I think I'm going to enjoy this even more.
(Connie takes her top off)
Stewie: Oh no thinks I am stuffed.
Connie: So are we just going to sit here and talk or are we going to do it?
Stewie: Alright baby, those are the magic words. Now check this out!
(Stewie drops his pants)
Connie: Oh my god.
Stewie: Yeah, I am ready for sex. I drank 8 gallons of water today. This baby is ready to explode.
Connie: Is, is there more underneath or is that it?
Stewie: I'm sorry?
Connie: HaHaHaHa Zach, just get the hell out of my car.
(Connie drives away)
Stewie: That's it. That was sex? What a rip off I should sue her.
Meowsy: Be careful you're not help in contempt of cat
Stewie: Haaaaa
| {At McBurgertown headquarters}
Peter: Pardon me, we're 2 Asian businessmen looking to invest in McBurgertown Industries, and we'd like a tour of your facility.
Receptionist: You don't look Asian.
Peter: Well I guess we'll just take our millions of dongs elsewhere.
Receptionist: Wait wait, let me got our general manager.
Brian: Peter, what the hell do you expect to accomplish here?
Peter: Evidence Brian, I'm going to find just the right piece of incriminating evidence to bring down this company.
General Manager: Over here is a menu from our first McBurgertown restaurant in 1952.
At that time our value meal consisted of a hamburger, a cup of coffee and a Lucky Strike.
Peter: Wow how much did that cost?
General Manager: Back in the 50's one straw penny.
Peter: A whole strawbany?
General Manager: Indeed. Follow me.
Peter: Hey what's in there?
General Manager: Oh I'm sorry, that's off limits. Now if you'll excuse me for a second, I have to go to the bathroom for about 30 minutes as I eat a lot of meat.
Please give me your word you won't go in that door.
Peter: Okay.
General Manager: Good, see you in a half hour.
Brian: Peter this your chance.
Peter: Brian I gave him my word.
Brian: The hell with that let's see what's behind this door.
(Brian and Peter enter a warehouse filled with cattle)
Peter: My god, what is this?
Brian: This must be the McBurgertown slaughterhouse.
The Cow: Sir you are correct, but in here we call it Da-chau.
Peter: Da Cow?
The Cow: Da-Cow except we spell the 'chau' part C-O-W like cow, so it's kind of a dark joke.
Brian: Yeah it's a Holocaust joke, yeah that's really funny.
The Cow: Unfortunatly life in a slaughterhouse is no laughing matter. They have killed a great many of us, including my beloved wife.
Brian: Peter this it, this is the evidence you've been looking for. If we could get you outta here, would you be willing to testify publicly about these atrocities.
The Cow: Oh absolutely, but how do you intend to escape?
Peter: You leave that to us, Come on.
General Manager: HEY! There they are! After them!
Peter, Brian & Cow: WHOA!
(Security Guards chase Peter, Brian and the cow to the tune of 'Pleasant Valley Sunday' by The Monkees)
| {At James Woods High}
Stewie: Hey Hey what's up Lucas?
What the hell's your problem?
Hey Logan, what's going on?
What the hell is going on here?
Girl: Nothing, baby penis.
(Group of kids laugh at Stewie)
Stewie: Well yes I have a baby... Ooohhhh.
Well for your information, I don't want a big penis. I think they're messy.
{At Connie's locker}
Stewie: Well you've effectively ended my reign of coolness haven't you. You're a disgrace you know that.
Connie: Hey you're the one with the tiny penis.
Stewie: You know Connie look, you're right. I behaved like a fool, and I apologize but before I go, could I maybe have one last kiss?
Connie: Well, I guess so.
(Stewie strips naked)
Stewie: LOOK, this girl is making out with a baby! A NUDE baby!
(Group of kids gather around and gasps)
(Cops show up and arrest Connie) Connie: Uh... Hey!
Stewie: Yeah that's right, to hell with you all. I am who I am.
(Stewie leaves the school to the tune of Bob Dylan's 'Hurricane')
| {In the Griffin living room}
Peter: Quiet everybody, this is it.
(on TV) Tom Tucker: The McBurgertown franchise suffered a publicity setback today from which it may not recover thanks to testimony regarding its practices by a very brave cow.
The Cow: I have revealed to you today these horrors in hopes you will see the need for change, but always remember what I have done here today is not a courageous act, the courage lies with the man who had the guts to say no to a fast food restaurant and eat a salad instead.
To say, I will eat this salad with pride, I don't care if I look like a gay person. So to all of you salad eating homosexuals, I say thank you.
{Cut back to the living room}
And thank you Peter, for all you've done to help expose this grave injustice.
Lois: Where will you go now Mr. Cow?
The Cow: I can not stay here? Peter said I could stay here.
Lois: Oh gosh, yeah... I don't, I don't really see how that's going to work out.
The Cow: Oh well, As I said, Peter just promised that I could...
Peter: Yeah yeah I should stop you right there. I didn't really promise anything, I just said maybe if was okay with Lois.
Lois: Boy it just seems like a real burden to me.
The Cow: Well... this is pretty awkward.
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| The Shawshank Redemption & The Monopoly board game
The trademark Monopoly Guy character goes to prison & has a similar Morgan Freeman style voice over describing his experiences as Shawshank Redemption.
| Popeye
Whimpy from the cartoon series appears as a fellow stroke victim
| Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn
The Cow states that many died in the slaughter house including "my beloved wife".
Ricardo Montelban says this exact line in ST:TWoK when talking about Kirk stranding him on Seti Alpha VI
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