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Family Guy: I Never Met the Dead Man

Peter teaches Meg to drive, which leads to Meg failing her driver's test...and things get worse when Peter knocks out the town's TV reception and pins the blame on his own daughter. Meanwhile, Stewie creates a weather-controlling machine so he can destroy broccoli plants.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x2
Production Number: 1ACX02
Airdate: Sunday April 11th, 1999

Guest Stars
Butch HartmanButch Hartman
voiced Various
Frank WelkerFrank Welker
voiced Freddy
Joey SlotnickJoey Slotnick
voiced Various
Lori AlanLori Alan
voiced Diane Simmons
Aaron LustigAaron Lustig
voiced Various

Erik EstradaErik Estrada
voiced Officer Ponch
Main Cast
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Peter Griffin | Stewie Griffin | Brian Griffin | Various Characters
Alex BorsteinAlex Borstein
voiced Lois Griffin | Various Characters
Seth GreenSeth Green
voiced Chris Griffin | Various Characters
Mike Henry (1)Mike Henry (1)
voiced Cleveland Brown | Various Characters
Lacey ChabertLacey Chabert
voiced Meg Griffin
Episode Notes
James Woods is a Hollywood actor who was born in Rhode Island, which is probably why the name of Meg's school is James Woods Memorial Highschool

Episode Quotes
Lois: Oh, look at Stewie. Isn't he adorable playing with his Sesame Street phone?
Stewie: Put me through to the Pentagon.
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me, Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper, I've six armed men outside Big Bird's nest, and as for Linda? It's difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, isn't it?
Ernie: Can you count to three?
Stewie: Indeed I can. One! Two! Three! (Fires ray-gun) Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth-grade level

(Intro Music)
Lois: Come on, Stewie. You can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Then I shall sit here until one of us expires. And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman!
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli. It's good for you. Now open up for the airplane.
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!
Lois: My, aren't we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli.
Stewie: Very well then.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Lois: Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it.
Stewie: Well, then. My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die.

Meg: Mom, will you take me out to practice driving?
Lois: I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour. Maybe your father can take you.
Peter: Oh, sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you. But Daddy also loves Star Trek. And, in all fairness, Star Trek was here first.
(On TV)
Captain Kirk: Captain's log, Stardate 8169.7. The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet in the Gamma Fallopia star system. Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp 9.


Peter: What are you talking about? I'm a great driver.
Brian: Remember your trip to the Southwest?
Road Runner: Meep-meep!
(Runs over Road Runner) Peter: Aw, jeez. Did I just hit that ostrich?
Wile E. Coyote: No.
Peter: Are you sure?
Wile E. Coyote: Yeah, he's fine. Keep going.
Peter: Meg, don't believe what they're saying. I always keep my eyes on the road. I don't miss a thing.
TV Announcer: We now return to Star Trek.
Peter: Holy crap. Uhura's black?

Stewie: So, broccoli, Mother says you're very good for me. Well, I'm afraid I'm no good for you! The first rule of war is know thine enemy. And I know this! Cold kills broccoli! It's so simple. All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. Forecast for tomorrow: a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!


Peter: This is taking forever! Come on, Meg, let's go. Fox is running one of those new reality shows at 8:00: "Fast Animals, Slow Children."
(Tiger runs after child)
Boy: Come on, guys. Wait up.
(Tiger runs faster)
Boy: Dang. I got honey all over my legs.


Meg: Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. If I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, never get married and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive?


Meg: Oh, God, my life is over. I am the biggest loser I know!
Peter: I know just how you feel, pumpkin. I've had my share of disappointments, too.

Doctor: It's a girl!
Peter: Can you check again?

Tom Tucker: Because of an accident at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. Think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Technician: You guys, we're still on in Boston.


Brian: Face it, Peter, you're addicted to television. You're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey. Remember when you gave up candy?

Willy Wonka: I'll ask you one more time. You didn't eat anything in my factory?
Peter: No.
Willy Wonka: I'm just asking...
Peter: Are you calling me a liar?
Willy Wonka: I'm just saying...
Peter: Hey, shut up, Wonka.

Episode Goofs
When Meg is in class, the guy seated directly in front her alternates from a black kid in a blue shirt to a white kid in a yellow shirt

When Peter is driving Meg home after Meg is stopped by the cop, if you look closely, from the green shirt in the passenger seat, it appears Lois in the car.

Peter is wearing a watch when he's driving home with Meg but after they crash into the cable tower and the show returns from the commercial break, Peter's watch has vanished.

As the credits start, Lois walks in the kitchen and gives Stewie another plate of broccoli. In the background you can see there is nothing on the counter. However, after Lois sets the plate down and Stewie starts to scrape the broccoli off, suddenly Lois is doing dishes that weren't there before.

When the man's voice thinks for Meg, he states "I was just a 15 year old girl". But, in the USA, one must be 16 in order to take a driving test.

When Peter leaves the house through the kitchen door with his home made TV, the door opens outwards instead of inwards as it usually does and did earlier in the episode.

When Stewie straps his weather device to the chimney we see the black jumper cable on Stewie's left and the red on his right but when he grabs them, they have switched places with the black in his right hand and the red in his left

When Peter and William Shatner are dancing in the rain, the stars that were previously on Peter's sleeve disappear and reappear right before Meg hits them with the car

When Meg is having her Wonder Years inspired voice over you can see there is nothing on her desk but when the other kids throw paper at her suddenly there is a pencil and paper.

During breakfast, when Peter enters the kitchen, Meg is eating on a place mat but when we see her moments later, the place mat has vanished

Lois shoves the fork full of broccoli in Stewie's mouth and takes it away, after Stewie spits it out and says 'his goal becomes clear', the fork is suddenly beside his plate

During Lois' airplane routine you can see a little bit of the plate of brocoli but seconds later when Lois says 'it's not going to go away just because you don't like it', the plate is missing

Cultural References
Lois: “Awww Look at Stewie, isn't he adorable playing w/ his Sesame Street phone”

Stewie mentions the characters of Ernie, Mr. Hooper, Big Bird & Linda from the PBS show “Sesame Street”

“Star Trek” aka “Star Trek: The Original Series”

Captain James T. Kirk gives his usual star log. Lieutenant Uhura is seen in the background. Commander Sulu is mentioned but not seen.

Later in the episode the characters of Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy are seen along with a fictitious Ensign Ricky

Brian: “Remember your trip to the Southwest?”

While driving in the desert, Peter runs over and kills the Warner Bros. character “Road Runner” with the assistance of “Wile E. Coyote” whom he has given a lift to

Peter: “...besides CHiPs is about to start”

“CHiPs” is TV show that aired from 1977 to 1983. It starred Larry Wilcox as Officer Jon Baker & Erik Estrada as Officer Francis Llewellyn 'Ponch' Poncherello.

Estrada reprises his role as Ponch in this episode

Peter: “This is taking forever. Come on Meg let's go, FOX is running one of those new reality shows at 8, Fast Animals Slow Children”

Parody of the FOX reality show “When Animals Attack”

It is suggested that former talk show and actress Rosie O'Donnell cannot drive

The mythical creature Bigfoot is seen in this episode

Stewie: “The weather machine is nearly completed”

The main component in Stewie's weather machine is Mattel's classic toy, “See 'n Say”

Brian: “Remember that time you tried to give up candy”

Reference to the 1971 Gene Wilder film “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” in which Peter turns into a giant blueberry the same way the character Violet Beauregarde did after eating untested candy in the film

Sipowicz: “Are you gonna tell me what I wanna know or am I gonna have to show you my ass?”

Allusion to the character Sgt. Andy Sipowicz played by Dennis Franz from the TV show “NYPD Blue” (1993-2005).
It became a running gag that almost every week one of the characters would bare their backside

Voice over: “WHOA, suddenly I was public enemy number one. It was time to tell the truth.
I was just a 15 year old girl, but at that moment I realized I had a whole lifetime to make new friends but only one chance to get a new car. Si I had to take it”

Reference to “The Wonder Years” (1988-1993). The main character Kevin Arnold would have the same type of narration voice overs.

Fred: “You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch”

Frank Welker provides the voice of Fred “Freddie” Jones in the fictional Scooby-Doo show “The Scooby Doo Murder Files”
Frank is a proficient voice actor who's been doing the voice for Freddy in all the incarnations of the Scooby-Doo series since 1969.

The other characters from the series Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne & Velma also appear w/ only Velma speaking, doing her catchphrase “Jinkies”

Peter's dream is a direct take off of Dorothy's trip to OZ in 1939's “Wizard of Oz”

The tv characters in Peter's dream are (in order), Alf from “ALF” (1986-1990), Gilligan played by Bob Denver from “Gilligan's Island” (1964-1967), the robot from “Lost In Space” (1965-1968), Jeannie played by Barbara Eden from “I Dream of Jeannie” (1965-1970) & Samantha Stephens played by Elizabeth Montgomery from “Bewitched” (1964-1972)

Peter: “Alright... 90210”

Peter arrived at Meg's school thinking he's watching the FOX show “Beverly Hills, 90210” (1990-2000) that starred Jason Priestley, Luke Perry, Jennie Garth, Tori Spelling, Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green & Gabrielle Carteris

Peter: “You know I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long”

Reference to Charles Manson, the crazy man behind the Sharon Tate & Rosemary and Leno LaBianca murders in 1969

Charles Manson: “If I haven't seen it, it's new to me”

Reference to an 80s/90s NBC slogan to promote reruns of their shows. If you didn't see it the first time around even though it's a rerun, it's still a “NEW” show.

Peter: “What a gorgeous day, isn't a gorgeous day Mr. Sun?”
Sun: “It's always a nice bay with 2 scoops of raisins Peter.”

Reference to the appropriately named mascot, “Sunny” of Kellogg's Raisin Bran cereal who's catch phrase is of course, “Two scoops of raisins in Kellogg's Raisin Bran”

During the Griffin's outdoor activities they go fishing and catch The Gill Man from 1954's “The Creature from the Black Lagoon”

While lying on the hillside watching the clouds, Chris spots the Bat Signal from the TV series “Batman” (1966-1968) and the various movies.

Oddly enough, Brian spots a similar Dog Signal and runs off

Captain Kirk: “Alright men this is a dangerous mission and it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and Ensign Ricky”
Ensign Ricky: “Oh crap.”

The joke being that in every episode when there's an extra member of the landing party that's not one of the main stars or “red shirt” always dies.

William Shatner: “Beam me up god”

(Obvious) Reference to Captain Kirk's “Star Trek” line “Beam me up Scotty”

Announcer: “What would you do for a Klondike Bar, Would you stand on one leg?”
Man: “Sure”
Announcer: “Would you act like a monkey?”
Man: “Uh-huh. Ooo-ooo-OOOO”
Announcer: “Would you kill a man?”
Man: “Uh... well...” {*gunshot*}

Parody of a real series of commercials for “Klondike Bars”

Other Episode Crew

CreatorSeth MacFarlane
DeveloperDavid Zuckerman  |  Seth MacFarlane
Executive ProducerDavid Zuckerman  |  Seth MacFarlane
Supervising ProducerGary Janetti  |  Danny Smith (1)  |  Craig Hoffman
ProducerSherry Gunther
Co-ProducerMike Barker (1)  |  Matt Weitzman
Consulting ProducerJohn Riggi
EditorRick McKenzie
CastingKaren Vice  |  Linda Lamontagne
Line ProducerKen Dennis
Staff WriterMike Henry (1)  |  Andrew Gormley
MusicWalter Murphy
Story EditorNeil Goldman  |  Garrett Donovan
Supervising DirectorRoy Allen Smith  |  Peter Shin
Executive Story EditorChris Sheridan  |  Ricky Blitt
Main Title ThemeWalter Murphy
Writing AssistantSteve Callaghan  |  Ken Goin
AssistantRich Rinaldi  |  Dave Collard
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