Episode Quotes
Producer: It's kind of like 'Bang the Drum Slowly' except the drum's a chick.
Stewie: Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk.
Director: How'd you like to be in a movie? You know, get a little girl on girl action?
Lois: Peter, say something!
Peter: Good luck pal, I been barkin' up that tree for 17 years.
Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was 'Kids Say the Darnest Things', not 'Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up'.
Brian: There's a woodpecker on your head.
Keanu Reeves: Yeah, he comes and goes.
Peter: Did you hear that, Lois? We're goin' to Hollywood, where the people are sexy and clever and they always say somethin' funny right before the commercial break.
Brian: Hey, you know what might be a thrill for you guys?
Chris: Ooh, ooh, eating a pebble!
Jasper: Do you like Sex and the City?
Brian: Yeah, it's an okay show.
Jasper: I wasn't talking about the show! OOOOOO! I'M NASTY!
Episode Goofs
At the "Kids Say the Darndest Things" audition, Peter is wearing a black suit. But he is back in his normal clothes again after Tom Tucker and his son enter/exit the scene.
When we see Stewie in the sink the door is opened to the left. Then when Lois read's Brian's postcard the door is closed.
Brian has black shoes on when being a waitor. But once in the kitchen again, he is barefoot.
Joan Rivers says she's on camera “in her mind”, but just seconds earlier she was reporting with her daughter in front of a camera.
Cultural References
Brian: Wow, Keanu Reeves. Forgive me, I normally don't gush... Wait ... there's a woodpecker on your head.
After Keanu Reeves role on "Bill and Ted", he gained the reputation of an idiot, which fit the character he played.
Announcer: ...And John Williams!
John Williams is a famous composer who has worked on many well known movies such as "Star Wars".
Brian: OK, nice take Jenna
The Jenna he is talking to is probably supposed to be Jenna Jameson, a famous porn star.
Brian: I have an idea for a coming of age Teen Comedy set in Wisconsin
This could possibly be a reference to That 70's Show, which is a coming fo age Teen Comedy set in Wisconsin on FOX. Mila Kunis, who voices Meg, is was a regular cast member of the series.
Brian: “Bobby, loved you in Raging Bull. Hey Jodie how's the baby? All right.”
Brian is referring to American actor,
Robert De Niro (1943-) and the movie he won an Oscar© for, 1980's
“Raging Bull”.
He also congratulates Jodie on her baby, which is possible American actress
Jodie Foster (1962-)
Brian walks by
(people who might be) American actress & actor
Kathy Bates (1948-) &
Michael Douglas (1944-). As well as former basketball star
Dennis Rodman (1961-), musical icon
Madonna (1958-), actress/comedienne
Whoopi Goldberg (1955-) & singer
Michael Jackson (1958-2009)
and while in the kitchen, Brian mentions talk show queen
Oprah (1954-) Brian: “Keanu Reeves, wow! I don't usually gush so you'll have to forgive me, but when I was writing Coast Guard, that's what I do, I'm a writer, anyway, when I was writing Coast Guard, I couldn't think of anyone other than... uh... there's a woodpecker on your head.”
American actor
Keanu Reeves (1964-) is featured in this episode as being quite literally, as many critics see him, a wooden actor.
TV Announcer: “Now back to Kids Say the Darndest Things”
The TV show
“Kids Say the Darndest Things” (1996-2000) was first created by
Art Linkletter (1912-) as part of his,
“Art Linkletter's House Party” (1967-1970).
This incarnation was hosted by actor/comedian
Bill Cosby (1937-) Peter: “Gee, I haven't been to California since I lived with my other family”
Peter's other family is none other than the
“Manson Family”, the cult group who was lead by convicted murderer,
Charles Manson (1934-).
The reference to Peter being invited to a party at American actress'
Sharon Tate's
(1943-1969) house is alluding to the fact Manson was convicted of conspiracy to commit the Sharon Tate/Leno and Rosemary LaBianca murders. His followers who actually committed the crimes are also serving life sentences.
Stewie tries to force a confession out of
Muppets' character
Kermit the Frog by attempting to seduce his long time swine companion,
Miss PiggyFormer Walt Disney CEO
Michael Eisner (1942-) is featured in this episode
Brian: “...and a copy of my can't-miss coming-of-age teen comedy set in Wisconsin”
Even though Brian's pushing a movie script this description bears a striking resemblance to the TV sitcom,
“That 70's Show” (1998-2006) which of course, starred the voice of Meg,
Mila Kunis (1983-) Oscar© winning American actor
Jack Nicholson (1937-) is mentioned in this episode
“Movieline” magazine is shown in this episode with American actors
Val Kilmer (1959-) &
Kevin Costner (1955-) on the covers
Meg: “It says here that this is the gutter where the policeman fell over laughing after Eddie Murphy told him he was just giving the transvestite a ride home”
This is an allusion to the incident in May of 1997 when
Eddie Murphy (1961-) was stopped by police with a transvestite prostitute in his car shortly before the release of
“Holy Man” Brian Mentions Oscar© winning American actress
Halle Berry (1966-) as a potential stars for one of his movies
Brian: “Great writers like Hemingway & Faulkner drank there.”
Peter: “Hey Hey Where did that guy who wrote Porkey's drink?”
Brian mentions the great writers
Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) &
William Faulkner (1897-1962).
Peter mentions the 1982 teen sex comedy
“Porky's” which incidentally was written by
Bob Clark (1939-2007) Zach: “It's kind of like Bang the Drum Slowly, except the drum's a chick”
“Bang The Drum Slowly” is a baseball movie starring
Michael Moriarty (1941-) &
Robert De Niro (1943-) Visual: “Peter getting beaten by the LAPD while Lois tapes it”
Reference to
Rodney King (1965-) and his infamous video taped LAPD beating which ultimately lead to the L.A. riots in 1992.
Brian: “Nice take Jenna”
Porn star extraordinaire
Jenna Jameson (1974-) provides her own voice for this episode
American actor
Samuel L. Jackson (1948-) is mentioned in this episode as being in everything and indeed he does have a role in Brian's porn movie
Lois: “It wouldn't be the first time you've disrupted a performance”
Peter once ran over one of the performers from the long running Broadway musical
“CATS” (Broadway run 1982-2000) American actor
Rob Lowe (1964-) is mentioned in this episode
Stewie: “I'm gonna sit here and enjoy it. And I like pudding. And Ghost Dad was the best movie I've seen since Leonard Part 6”
Reference to
Bill Cosby's
(1937-) commercials he used to do for
Jello Pudding.
Also, the 2 movies he did, 1990's
“Ghost Dad” & 1987's
“Leonard Part 6” Joan Rivers (1933-) and her daughter
Melissa Rivers (1968-) are featured in this episode doing one of their “Red Carpet” shows they used to do for the
E! Network Joan Rivers: “Add Momma to the Train, The Purple Head of Cairo... and what was the third one?”
Brian: “You've Got Male Genitalia”
These are of course porn mock titles to the real films, 1987's
“Throw Momma From the Train” starring
Billy Crystal (1947-) &
Danny DeVito (1944-), 1985's
“Purple Rose of Cairo” starring
Mia Farrow (1945-) &
Jeff Daniels (1955-) and 1998's
“You've Got Mail” starring
Meg Ryan (1961-) &
Tom Hanks (1956-)
And during Brian's acceptance speech he mentions
“Shaving Private Ryan”. The real title being of course,
“Saving Private Ryan” again starring
Tom Hanks and
Matt Damon (1970-) Famous pron star
Ron Jeremy (1953-), who provided his own voice for this episode, makes an appearance as a presenter at the Porn Awards announcing the nominees who happen to be
Ron Jones (1954-),
Walter Murphy (1952-) &
John Williams.
All three are well known composers with
Walter and
Ron being the prime composers for Family Guy.
Oscar© winning
John Williams is known for composing all the music for all 6 Star Wars movies among many many other films.