Peter: Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining. (pause) But, um...you know, I don't know where I'm going with this.
Steve: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone.
Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through.
Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager?
Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Excellent, and if I win?
Brian: I wasn't betting, why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: (pause) You're on!
Peter: We kicked your ass in World War II & we can do it again!
Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, where they don't ask for proof of ID and neither do I.
Quagmire: So, you ladies ever been penetrated?
Eliza: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter.
Stewie: I was curious!
Quagmire: I've never seen so many chicks in one place! Hey, hey, check out those two hotties...they're so lonely they're practicing kissing each other!
Cleveland: I don't think they're practicing...
Peter, Quagmire and Joe: Oh...oooohhhhh...OOOOOOHHHH!!!...oh...
Steve: Huh, they're all gone. Oh well, hey I wonder what this feels like. (Stabs himself) Oh god that hurts!!! So thats what I've been doing to people??? I belong here.
Trisha Takanawa: For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, 'Hey, check out that flaming queen'.
Peter: (driving through town after the hurricane) Well, at least the open air debris field is still intact.
Trisha Takanawa: Is Quahog in the hands of a seriel arsonist? The authorities say no, but our producers say yes.
Cleveland, Joe, Quagmire, Peter: Yep. Yep. Yep. Mmm-hmm.
When Peter and the gang are standing near the fence drinking beer; the scene often happens in FOX's other show "King Of The Hill".
(Peter is digging the side of the cell wall with a spoon trying to escape)
This is a reference from "Escape From Alcatraz".
Peter: I've never been defeated...except once.
This flashback is a reference to Disneys movie "Tron".
One If By Clam, Two If By Sea
This is a take off from "One is by land, two is by sea". A line from "Paul Revere's Ride".
Stewie: Psst - you, Dogbert. Down here, get a front row seat for this one.
This is a reference to Scott Adams comic strip Dilbert in which Dilbert would always call his dog Dogbert.
Jail Guy: I like the fat one. More cushion for the pushin'!
This line is also used in "The Shawshank Redemption."