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Family Guy: Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High

After Chris' teacher quits, Brian fills in as his new teacher. All is well at first, until he is moved down to the intermediate class where the troubled kids wear him down to his last nerve. Meanwhile, Chris crushes on his new, hot, teacher. And she tells him that in order to be with her, he has to kill her husband.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 4x2
Production Number: 4ACX02
Airdate: Sunday May 08th, 2005

Director: Pete Michels (1)
Writer: Ken Goin

Guest Stars
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Ben Affleck | Vincent van Gogh | Tom Tucker | Bear
Seth GreenSeth Green
voiced Matt Damon | Tim
Danny Smith (1)Danny Smith (1)
voiced Various
Drew BarrymoreDrew Barrymore
voiced Mrs. Lana Lockhart
Hillary TuckHillary Tuck
voiced Various
Lori AlanLori Alan
voiced Diane Simmons
Rachael MacFarlaneRachael MacFarlane
voiced Various
Ralph GarmanRalph Garman
voiced Ronald Lockhart
Tara StrongTara Strong
voiced Amanda
Wally WingertWally Wingert
voiced Mr. Sloan
Anthony MorrisAnthony Morris
voiced Various
Arif S. KinchenArif S. Kinchen
voiced Various
Dave WalshDave Walsh
voiced Various
Juanita JenningsJuanita Jennings
voiced Miss Clifton
Steven ZirnkiltonSteven Zirnkilton
voiced Narrator
Main Cast
Seth MacFarlaneSeth MacFarlane
voiced Peter Griffin | Stewie Griffin | Brian Griffin | Various Characters
Alex BorsteinAlex Borstein
voiced Lois Griffin | Various Characters
Seth GreenSeth Green
voiced Chris Griffin | Various Characters
Mila KunisMila Kunis
voiced Meg Griffin
Mike Henry (1)Mike Henry (1)
voiced Cleveland Brown | Various Characters
Episode Notes
Brian pretends to go down stairs behind his desk by crouching as he is walking. Later, when there is a new substitute, Chris yells to watch out for the stairs. The teacher falls down behind the desk and can be heard falling down stairs. Apparently, Brian wasn't pretending.

Drew Barrymore voices Mrs. Lockhart in this episode. Drew has stated that she is a big Family Guy fan. She later even appears in "Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story". In season 5, Drew returned as the voice of Brian's girlfriend Jillian.

Carlos Mencia also guest stars as the Latino male, Carlos, in the Remedial English class.

A section of this episode (the part where the family is worried about Chris being a murderer and Meg jumping out the window) was used on a season 12 episode of the FOX sketch show, MADtv, in a sketch where Seth MacFarlane (appearing as himself) shows two alternate takes of the scene: one featuring live action actors and one with miscast voice actors.

Episode Quotes
Lois: So Chris, what's new with your little girlfriend?
Chris: Oh, I don't think Mrs. Lockhart like me at all.
Lois: Mrs. Lockhart?! Your teacher?!
Peter: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass.
Lois: Peter, weren't you listening? Chris has a crush on his teacher!
Meg: Eew, gross!
Stewie: You know what else is gross? (lets out a hard fart and his eye turns bright red) AAH, BROKE A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!

Lois: You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectufl than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

Lois: You see, our son Chris, well...
Peter: Wait, Lois, we have to handle this delicately. Mrs. Lockhart, our son....wants... to plow you.
Mrs. Lockheart: Oh, I had a feeling it was something like that.

Brian: Aiight, aiight, so I'm chillin with my homies in Verona, when my homie busts out with "Yo, Romeo, check out that biatch, Juilet, in the window." The problem is, Juilet's peeps are like East Coast rappers, and my posse's representin' West Siiiide, just like my boys Tupac and BigE, know what I'm sayin.
Student 1: That's racist man.
Student 2: Yeah man, that's just straight ig'nant dawg.

Mrs. Lockheart: Chris, what do you see here?
(leans over the desk holding Chris' test)
Chris: Two "D's" and an "F."

Stewie: Just remember fat man, those jugs are mine till the milk dries up. Then you can have the remains.

Carlos: I'm Carlos, and beneath my tough exterior is a boy aching to learn! And beneath that is a rapist.
Samantha: My name is Samantha, and my water just broke!
Brian: Oh my God!
Tim: Yo, it's my turn to deliver!
Girl: Can I have this one? My mom keeps giving mine away!

Ugly Girl: You mean I could be a prostitute?
Brian: Yeah sure, but in your case I would get the money up front.

Episode Goofs
Meg breaks the window when she jumps through it, although when the family turns their attention to the TV the window is not broken anymore.

Cultural References
Peter: I Don't Know

On the Nickelodeon show You Can't Do That On Television, when someone would say "I Don't Know" a bucket of slime would fall on their head.

Fast Times At Buddy Cianci Jr. High

A reference the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"

Students: "O Captain, My Captain"

A line from the movie: "The Dead Poets Society".

Chris: Yeah, Cap'n Crunch was here!

Cap'n Crunch is the cereal mascott for the popular cereal "Captain Crunch". His look is similar to Mark Twains.

Brian: Hello, I'm Mark Twain standing in for Brian Griffin.

Mark Twain was a famous author in the 1800s. He wrote Huckelberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Saywer.


The normal opening of this show was replaced with one similar to the Law & Order opening for this episode. Many fans worried the new opening was permanent.

Peter: Can we finish this after Joan of Arcadia?

This is a reference to the television show Joan of Arcadia.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorSeth MacFarlane
DeveloperDavid Zuckerman  |  Seth MacFarlane
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