Lois: Peter is it safe to be firing real guns at each other in the house?
Peter: Alright alright, nobody fire at Lois, she's scared.
Peter: (reading a card) For whistling at a white woman, go directly to jail. Aww, man! Doesn't anyone ever win at this game?
Cleveland: You don't win. You just do a little better each time.
Peter: Good thing I just watched that National Geographic special on firetrucks!
Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!
Brian: Uh, Peter according to this you're not a genius. In fact you're mentally retarded.
Peter: Oh yeah? Well would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian: Uh, maybe.
Peter: Uh Oh.
Stewie: (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house) So, is there any tread left on the tires at all? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
Meg: I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.
Peter: Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.
Peter: I have a plan so good, it's retarded!
Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe: Deal with what?
Peter: You know, with being retarded.
Joe: Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter: Oh, well now your just splitting hairs.
Peter:..Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested.
Lois: Okay here we go, "What color is a firetruck?"
Peter: Aww, oh God I always get these. Umm..okay..uhh..all right..firetruck..firetruck firetruck firetruck firetruck. What color are those red firetrucks? Uhh..Oh god I can picture them now...all red and everything.
Peter: I'M RETARDED!
Brian: I don't want to say "I told you so", but... YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! IN YOUR ****ING FACE! IN YOUR ****ING FACE!!! ... I am so sorry...
Chris: Yea, we can live with you again even though you are a dangerous retard!
Peter: Chris, don't say retard. we prefer to be called 'little people' because there is nothing wrong with being mentally challenged. In fact, I've learned we are superior, above all you dumb brainy smarties, and one day you will beg us for mercy...and we will consider it.
Government Agent: You're mentally unfit to take care of your children.
Peter: You're doin' better than Peter Weller from the opening scene of Robocop.
Robocop was a movie about a cop who was in a bad accident and was given a robotic cop body. He became the ultimate cop.
Peter: Lois, you look worse than that Rocky Dennis kid from Mask.
A reference to Mask, a movie about a child with a massive face abnormality.
Jake & The Fat Man
The Jake & The Fat Man goof was referencing the TV show Jake & The Fat Man, which was a spin off a show from a Matlock episode: "The Don".
Chinese Man: This Day Couldn't get any worse!
The Chinese man spoof was referencing the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima.
Stewie: Hey Chris? Whatever happened to Geena Davis? She used to be in movies but she's not in movies anymore.
Geena Davis was a very popular actress in the 80's, however after that she sort of dissapeared. She returned recently in a 2005 TV show Commander in Chief but it only lasted one season.