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Father Ted :: Are You Right There, Father Ted? (03x01)

 
Episode Information
 
Title: Are You Right There, Father Ted?
Episode #: 03x01
Original Airdate: Sunday March 15th, 1998
9/10 (1 Vote cast)
Episode Crew
Director: Graham Linehan
Andy DeEmmony
Writer: Graham Linehan
Arthur Mathews (2)
 
Episode Summary
 
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Father Ted gets kicked out of a rich parish due to financial irregularities and returns to his old parish which is in a mess. While cleaning up, he uses a lamp shade to mimic a Chinese man, while a Chinese family are watching. The word then spreads around craggy island that father ted is a racist. Ted must now clear his name by holding a multicultural event.
 
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Guest Stars
 
Guest Stars
Eamon RohanplayedColmRecurring (first appearance)
Ann CallananplayedMrs. Carberry 
Des KeoghplayedOlder Dublin Priest 
Ozzie YueplayedMr. Yin 
Patrick Kavanagh (1)playedFr. Seamus Fitzpatrick 
Peter Sakon Lee (1)playedYin Son 
Simon NelsonplayedFr. Darren 
Vernon Dobtcheffplayed Old Nazi 
 
Episode Quotes
 
Ted: That's right, Dougal. You see, ordinary shops sell what look like black socks, but if you look closely, you'll see that they're very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue.
Dougal: That's true. I thought my uncle Tommy was wearing black socks, but when I looked at them closely, they were just very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue.
Ted: Never buy black socks from a normal shop. (whispers) They shaft you every time!
(Dougal looks worried)
 
Ted: How long has Father Jack been living in there?
Dougal: Uh, he started just a few days after you left.
Ted: Maybe he's agoraphobic?
Dougal: Jack scared of fighting? I don't think so, Ted.
 
Father Fitzpatrick: You put cyanide next to the vallium, you old fool! That's asking for trouble!
 
Dougal: Ted, here's an idea right off the top of me head. I haven't thought it through so it's probably not brilliant but what the hell, I'll just talk and see what comes out.
 
Ted: Celebration, yes, but what form could it take.
Dougal: Ted I want out.
Ted: What do you mean?
Dougal: I went too far too soon. I didn't know what I was getting into, Ted. I didn't know you had to follow up a good idea with loads more good ideas. I'm sorry Ted. I'm going to sleep in the spare room.
 
Ted: Who says I'm a racist?
Colin: Everyone's saying it, Father. Should we all be racist now? What's the official line the church is taking on this.
Ted: No, no.
Colin: Only the farm takes up most of the day and at night I just like a cup o' tea. I mightn't be able to devote myself to the ol' racism.
 
Colin: Hello there, Father.
Ted: Hello Colin. Ha ha. Out and about?
Colin: Ah yap. Same as yourself.
Ted: Good, good.
Colin: I hear you're a racist now, Father!
 
Father Fitzpatrick: And this is the last known photo of Herr Hitler; he's signing a few death warrants there.
Ted: Funny how you get more right-wing as you get older!
 
Ted: I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...More drink!
 
Ted: Dougal I would not have done a Chinaman impression if I had known that there would be a Chinaman there to see me do it.
Dougal: Why not Ted?
Ted: Because its.. racist!!
 
 
Episode Notes
 
 
 
Featured Songs
 
 
 
Episode Goofs
 
 
 
Cultural References
 
 
 
Episode References
 
 
 
Analysis
 
 

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