Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Janice: By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is! But I definitely want to be a part of it!
Chandler: Oh, and a Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
Ross: I'm just saying if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Doing the burning ritual)
Phoebe: Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh, man! In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hi, just Janice.
Fireman #3: You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Fireman #1: You're our third call tonight.
Fireman #2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
Janice: I brought you something.
Chandler: Is it loaded?
Carol: You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross: It’s easy for you to say, you found one already.