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Faced with a big choice, Ross enlists Joey and Chandler's help to decide which women he wants. He makes a list of Rachel and Julie's good points and bad points, which results in him losing both women. Meanwhile, Monica gets a job making food for a disgusting chocolate substitute called Mockolate.
Ross: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
Chandler: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight."
Joey: Ross, listen. I got two words for you: threesome.
(Rachel and Phoebe taste a Macholate chip cookie)
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Monica: "Oh, my God" good?
Rachel: (furious) Oh, my God, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth!!!
Phoebe: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!
Chandler: My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.
Monica: You know, that's true. You know, you'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
Mr. Ratstatter: Hi, thanks for coming in again.
Monica: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.
Mr. Ratstatter: It's like I'm looking in a mirror.