Chandler: (singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood) Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
Ross: She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you would expect me to be there.
Joey: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like... the worst lesbian ever.
Phoebe: One of my clients died on the massage table today.
Chandler: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
Phoebe: She probably woke up this morning and thought, "alright, I'll have some breakfast, and I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it."
Monica:. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
Phoebe: (Mrs. Adelman's voice) Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
Mrs Green: Oh, my God, there's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
Rachel: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
Monica: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
Rachel: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?
Monica: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!
Chandler: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.
Joey: It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing! I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Chandler: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.