Joey: Man this is weird. Ever realize Cap’ Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Chandler: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.

Joey: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
Chandler: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
Joey: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.

(About getting a tattoo)
Phoebe: Um, I'm getting a lily. For my Mom, 'cause her name's Lily.
Chandler: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?

Joey: So, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
Monica: Yeah... For my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.

Ross: I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, "God I hope they get together."

Mrs. Geller: So, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
Ross: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.

Joey: I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peeing with the Rockettes.
Chandler: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. (pause) No, seriously.

Phoebe: Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss? I mean, come on what is this, 1922?
Rachel: What's 1922?
Phoebe: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible.

Joey: It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie

Monica: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Well, I just caught the live show.

Phoebe: I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens!!!

Joey: I don't wanna leave you high and dry.
Chandler: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter.

Chandler: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?

Phoebe: This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great, great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, "Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?"