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Get Smart: Washington 4, Indians 3

Indians block the road and stop a bus, then remove Control agent 43. They give him a message: the United States must return all Indian lands or they will declare war! There's only one thing to do: send Max in undercover to learn how the Indians expect to win such a war.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x6
Production Number: 007
Airdate: Saturday October 23rd, 1965

Guest Stars
Anthony CarusoAnthony Caruso
As Red Cloud
Adele PalaciosAdele Palacios
As White Cloud
Willis BoucheyWillis Bouchey
As Air Force General
Bill ZuckertBill Zuckert
As Admiral
Donald CurtisDonald Curtis
As Army General
Monroe ArnoldMonroe Arnold
As Agent 43
Armand AlzamoraArmand Alzamora
As Bride Groom
Barry RussoBarry Russo
As Green Meadows
Roberto ContrerasRoberto Contreras
As Blue Skies
Episode Notes
Clever Gadgets: Microcamera; electric snake; miniature radio receivers, saddle transmitter; tomahawk walkie-talkie; recording of Indian drums; forty foot tall ballistic arrow.

That director is the same Richard Donner who will, in about ten years, break into movies with The Omen and direct the first two Christopher Reeve Superman films. He is credited here as "Richard D. Donner"

Episode Quotes
Red Cloud: Everybody line up! One of you is secret agent of Control. That is man we want! All others we will kill! Control agent take one step forward.
(Everyone except Agent 43 takes one step forward.)
Red Cloud: (Pointing to Agent 43) That is man we want! Take him!!

Agent 43: I was just starting on my three week vacation when my bus was attacked by four Indians.
Max: I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it!
Agent 43: Can’t believe what?
Max: You get a three weeks vacation?!?

Agent 43: They gave me this message: “Inform your government that they have forty eight hours to turn over all lands appropriated from our people. Otherwise, WAR!”

Admiral: Exactly what do these Indians want?
The Chief: They demand the return of all the territory we took from them.
Admiral: Well, give it to them.
Army General: But Harry – it’s all theirs... the whole country!
Admiral: Everything?
Army General: Everything.
Air Force General: Now wait at minute, wait a minute... we can make a deal. Maybe they’ll be able to accept less... say, uh, New Jersey?
Army General: Would you?

Green Meadows: Red Cloud, this is bad medicine! The United States has three million soldiers; we have but two hundred braves!
Red Cloud: (sotto voce) We must depend heavily on the element of surprise!

Max: Don’t worry, 99... 43 is a good man.
99: You’re worth two 43s, 86!

99: (reading from a book of Indian lore) The Tahpawasee use descriptive language to compare his squaw with the beauties of nature.
Max: Uhh... lovelier than a golden sunset are you.
99: The Indian lover shows his regard for his squaw by, um, taking her hand...
(Max takes White Cloud’s hand)
99: ...stroking her hair...
(Max strokes White Cloud’s hair)
99: ...and kissing her on the... (she slams the book angrily closed) ...ELBOW!
Max: Elbow?
99: ELBOW!
(Max kisses White Cloud on her elbow.)
White Cloud: Running Creek! Your years spent in the great cities of the east have turned you into a real weirdo!

(Red Cloud is poised to fire a missile.)
Max: Wait a minute, Red Cloud! I have something to tell you. I’m sure if you listen to what I have to say, you’ll change your mind about pressing that button!
Red Cloud: Speak quickly!
Max: Now, listen, Red Cloud. We’ve always had great respect for the noble red man. Think of the past! Remember when you roamed these great plains with your buffalo, and then came our settlers, and then our soldiers... uh, maybe we better forget about the past. The present! That’s what counts, the present! Let’s look at the present. Look what we’ve given you in the present! These nice, tiny little reservations... Uh, let’s talk about the future, Red Cloud. Now, if we take the promises of the past, and join them with the policies of the present, then there’s only one thing left to say... let ‘er rip, Red Cloud!

Max: That's the second biggest arrow I've ever seen!

The Chief: It may interest you to know that Red Cloud’s enormous arrow is now on display in the West Wing of the White House.
Max: No kidding, Chief. Where did it land?
The Chief: In the West Wing of the White House...

Episode Goofs
The flickering lights representing the "missile" exhaust don't start until a second or so after the lift off noise starts.

Cultural References
General Custer
The General of the Army has the unfortunate last name of Custer - unfortunate in the context of an Indian War. General George Armstrong Custer and his Seventh Calvary were largely annihilated (and Custer himself killed) by Cheyenne and Sioux Indians at the Battle of The Little Big Horn in 1876. This is why the Admiral of the Navy recommends Max replace General Custer.

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