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Get Smart (1965)
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| Title: | KAOS in CONTROL |
| Episode Number: | 7 |
| Season: | 1 |
| Season Episode #.: | 7 |
| Production Number: | 003 |
| Original Airdate: | Saturday October 30th, 1965 |
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When Control's secure conference room alarm goes off, it spells trouble. Control will shortly host a meeting of six top scientists in that room; if a double agent can kill the scientists, it will be a disaster for the free world. When someone steals Professor Windish's newest device, the electroretrogressor gun and uses it to reduce the Professor and the Chief to the intellectual equivalent of eight year olds, Max must take charge to protect the conference and ferret out the spy.
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| Clever Gadgets: Cone of Silence; secure belt for key ring; electroretrogressor gun (reverts target’s mind to an eight year old level).
| When this episode aired, Barbara Bain was a year away from the role that got her career rolling - Cinnamon Carter on Mission: Impossible (1966).
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| The Chief: From here on, everything is Class A Security. Here’s what I want you to do.
Max: Wait a minute, Chief. Didn’t you just say Class A Security?
The Chief: I did.
Max: (looks at Hodgkins) Well, then... shouldn’t we...?
Hodgkins: Do you want me to leave the room?
Max: That won’t be necessary, Hodgkins. We can talk under the Cone of Silence.
The Chief: (unhappily) The Cone of Silence, Max?
| (Max and the Chief converse inside the Cone of Silence. Hodgkins stands outside.)
The Chief: I am deeply concerned about the conference room.
Max: What?
The Chief: (louder) I’m concerned about the conference room!
Max: How’s that?
Hodgkins: He’s concerned about the conference room!
Max: Oh.
The Chief: I want it thoroughly inspected for hidden devices: microphones, bombs.
Max: Wha?
Hodgkins: Check for microphones and bombs.
Max: Oh. Well, do you really think that’s necessary, Chief? I mean, isn’t that an anti-infiltration tactic?
The Chief: What?
Hodgkins: He wonders if that’s an anti-infiltration tactic.
The Chief: Oh. (realizing Hodgkins is acting as a go-between) Why am I talking to you?!? Will you get this thing off of me!!
| Max: Chief, why don’t you just cancel the conference?
The Chief: If I had to admit I was afraid to hold a meeting here in our own building, the very agency that’s responsible for our nation’s security, I’d be laughed right out of the business!
Max: Can I make a suggestion, Chief?
The Chief: What is it?
Max: Don’t cancel the conference.
| (Max is using the magic ear, a listening device that enormously amplifies sounds.)
Max: I don’t see to be getting anything. You’d better turn it up to full volume.
99: (after turning it up) RIGHT!
(Max clutches his head and winces.)
| (Someone has stolen the electroretrogressor gun.)
Max: Professor, do you have any idea who stole the gun?
Professor Windish: Yes. I can’t believe it, but it was one of our own people!
The Chief: Who, professor, who?
(A hand containing electroretrogressor gun appears from off screen.)
Professor Windish: It was...
(The off screen assailant fires.)
Professor Windish: I want my mommy. Mommy? Where are you, mommy? I want my mommy...
| Max: Chief, has something happened to you?
(The Chief tosses a paper airplane lazily into the air.)
Max: Chief!
The Chief: I wanna go out an’ play!
99: Oh, no! They got him, too!
| Max: Hodgkins, I want the officer responsible for internal security in here on the double!
Hodgkins: You’re the internal security officer.
Max: Fast work, Hodgkins!
| (Max hopes to prevent the delegates from realizing that a traitor threatens them, so he makes an excuse for the Chief, who has been incapacitated by the electroretrogressor gun.)
Max: Gentlemen, as officer in charge of internal security here, it is my pleasure to welcome you, and to assure you that your conference will be safe and pleasant. The Chief would have been here himself to welcome you, but I’m sure that he’ll join us, ah, as soon as he’s had his nap.
Delegate #1: His nap?
Max: Uh, N A P. National... Area... Program Reports.
| Max: Okay, Alma, you’d better come along with me. Little girls like you belong in jail!
Alma: I’ll go if you skip with me!
| The Chief: Because of the excellence of your work in protecting those men in the conference room, we’ve decided to give you this Certificate of Meritorious Service.
Max: Oh, well... Gosh, Chief... I don’t know what to say!
The Chief: Don’t say anything, Max. Just read it over... and then destroy it.
Max: Destroy it?
The Chief: This is a secret organization.
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